Been called a ‘narcissist’ lately?

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Chances are you haven’t been called a narcissist lately, but perhaps there is a person or people who could possibly perceive you that way. Don’t worry, they may not be right, but they do have their right to their perception.

Other people’s perceptions should not bother us too much, but having said that, we can also influence other people’s perceptions.

Generally, it’s the people we have most conflict with who perceive us negatively; they see fragments of our fragmented selves and that’s all they have to go on. It’s the same way for us, of course. Little wonder we all become judgmental.

I’ve been surprised by just how much is written and being written on narcissism. Much of it is good quality, and most of it borne out of lamentable experience. But the more I read, the more I seem to get confused as to just how broad the topic of narcissism is. It can unfortunately be the ‘go to’ “diagnosis” that too easily sidelines a person’s character, even if only in our own mind. None of us wants that treatment from others, yet we may be tempted to dish it out.

Two matters come immediately to mind in simplifying the subject matter. Both of these is about checking ourselves in preference to pointing the finger at others.

1.     Signs I might be somewhat narcissistic

Is it possible that others might view us as lacking in empathy, more than a little entitled, and as having the tendency to exploit people for our own gain?

Empathy, entitlement and exploitation. These are three very simple ways of detecting narcissism in ourselves. You may lack empathy yet not be entitled or exploit people. That doesn’t make you narcissistic. Most people these days have an elevated sense of entitlement in an area, a pocket entitlement; it’s our culture. As far as exploitation is concerned, only the true narcissist exploits people without any concern for them. But we all do have the capacity to exploit situations for our own gain. Something to be watchful for.

Where we are characterised as lacking empathy, having significant entitlement issues, and we’re known for regularly exploiting people and situations, there is perhaps some soul-searching to do.

2.    Signs I might not be narcissistic at all

Repentance is the fruit of faith that decrees Someone Else sits on the throne of your heart; not you, yourself. This is a comfort for true Christians, because we’re no longer kings and queens of our own world. And though we still sin, we account for these sins through the Holy Spirit’s conviction, our confession, and subsequent change of mind and behaviour. If you regularly pray in the vein of Psalm 139:23-24[1] and you find there is fruit of repentance in your life, it’s a good chance that, while you might still be perceived as narcissistic occasionally, there is no true basis to another’s claim of narcissism on your character.

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[1] “Search me, O God, and know my heart!
[God knows our hearts better than we do!]
Try me and know my thoughts!
and see if there is any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!” (ESV)