tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87177827258387639282024-03-16T15:23:12.263+08:00TRIBEWORKTRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.comBlogger2729125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-44532448338517332522024-03-15T16:05:00.005+08:002024-03-15T16:06:09.123+08:00Post grief growth — resilience from adversity<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8njExTpT8Mbqn-h3ujtkf-ZaqDRco69NOpfYy3moBZGEXlxIJLjU1218Zz0z_uFne5qfxENhW5tMmzb-QUC9hIk0nUAmiXOVKQPkWvHusQt6CkdiADyNJcmG1obYYkgOwj1laRwz0HozUPfxJRhDHeaKjNRojNZ2cAjCjaDpDh7bTMPRK3macrMmQbwgS/s3870/FullSizeRender%204.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2163" data-original-width="3870" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8njExTpT8Mbqn-h3ujtkf-ZaqDRco69NOpfYy3moBZGEXlxIJLjU1218Zz0z_uFne5qfxENhW5tMmzb-QUC9hIk0nUAmiXOVKQPkWvHusQt6CkdiADyNJcmG1obYYkgOwj1laRwz0HozUPfxJRhDHeaKjNRojNZ2cAjCjaDpDh7bTMPRK3macrMmQbwgS/s320/FullSizeRender%204.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">The experience of loss is the paradox of life; life that becomes death. Loss is suffering in one word; to have someone or something we value taken away. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">The experience of loss would be hard enough if it only happened once. But the fact is it happens several times, perhaps many times, and sometimes too many times to count, over one lifetime.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">One thing I’ve often thought about is whether we have the potential to master loss.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">It is only been recently that I’ve come to discover that loss, as a general and overall concept, cannot be mastered. We may master a certain kind of loss, accepting the grief as part and parcel of life. But that doesn’t mean we master every kind of loss. And I think God can teach us something in this; not least of which, this reality prevents us from becoming conceited (this aligns with what the apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10). He was given something painful that had to be endured to prevent him from becoming conceited.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">What makes being human so hard is that none of us at any time can predict just when loss will occur. It comes like a thief in the night. And only when it arrives do we comprehend that it was ever present as a potential reality from our very beginning.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Loss is impossibly hard. Anyone who has been touched by this suffering of having had someone beloved or something valuable taken away from us knows that grief is a pain that never truly leaves during the entire season we experience it. And in most cases, closure for grief is a myth. It never happens that way. It just so happens that we learn to live a new normal, which on the surface of it is a sad and stark reality.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I have found personally that the greatest gift of loss is learning to die to self. It is never an easy lesson to learn, but it is always worth learning.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I call this the Revenant Blessing. It is a broad and general lesson; once loss has swept our hope away on a torrent to oblivion, loss may not blindside us to that degree again.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">We are given some gift of resilience that I liken better to a hopeful resignation. Nothing unimportant wins our covetous hearts over again.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">But this doesn’t mean we won’t experience grief again. Losses will continue to occur. The bigger and more complicated our families and lives are, for instance, the more susceptible we are to loss.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">We may well have been broken by loss, and we may have learned the lessons of Christ in dying to self; this doesn’t mean that we are fortified against every form of loss, for different losses bring different costs and requirements of us.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">There is a wisdom in life that helps us as losses come. This is not about imagining that being human can be made easy. On the contrary, as we accept that being human is hard, we are given to a deeper, more gifted, experience of life. We are matured as we come to accept there are many things we cannot change.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">What makes being human so hard is that this life is so unpredictable, and we cannot exercise supreme control over our thoughts, our emotions, and others’ thoughts and emotions. If only we could! But then if we could we wouldn’t live a life capable of love.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Perhaps we have suffered many losses already. Maybe there are some losses yet to be experienced. What stands us in good stead is our acceptance of the day; to take each day as it comes, gratefully, as the mystery each day is. And whether the day involves trial or tribulation or a mix of both matters less than the fact that the universe spins the same way every day.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">What makes being human easier is when we finally arrive in that place where we don’t need to control the day, other people, our circumstances, the weather, or anything else.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is an ‘arrival’ to strive for, and that gives enduring loss meaning, which fuels hope.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I know this one thing for sure, however. I’m so glad of the person I’ve become <i>because</i> — in spite — of the grief I’ve endured. I would not be the person I am today had it not been for the things I’ve suffered.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Times; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Empathy and compassion are the gifts borne of great suffering.</span></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-55912023332518877452024-02-26T13:51:00.002+08:002024-02-26T13:51:09.308+08:00Let’s agree on our differences<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3NMeYJMkrd-svZANOULYepdomvDBChjsU5LgHXx3ljRttKkPT8eQaMU9zPD17dSSDsa0xCN2m2XDIjxocY84GrhAOuQxaFxJUi9CHjz6133YUpqY6wsVEpFTt3rib7LYUUElYCWCUpu62G5NkUvkmFNAnE_fVeU2XhzehwmJ_0ZhjxuVcoP4PwUhDEW-1/s1208/chess.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="818" data-original-width="1208" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3NMeYJMkrd-svZANOULYepdomvDBChjsU5LgHXx3ljRttKkPT8eQaMU9zPD17dSSDsa0xCN2m2XDIjxocY84GrhAOuQxaFxJUi9CHjz6133YUpqY6wsVEpFTt3rib7LYUUElYCWCUpu62G5NkUvkmFNAnE_fVeU2XhzehwmJ_0ZhjxuVcoP4PwUhDEW-1/s320/chess.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"></p><p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">We will—all of
us—disagree with anyone else (literally, everyone) at some
point. It’s true also that none of us even agrees with ourselves all
the time. Think about indecision and regret. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">We would all decide differently at times <br />
if we were reflecting on different information.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">The fact is we change
our minds. We also have set views on things. And we have
biases, including <b><i>confirmation bias</i></b>, which explains why we prefer
certain information, and <b><i>intentionality bias</i></b>, which explains how
we tend to judge others but are lenient on ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">When differences
become a problem for us our whole attitude zeroes in on the difference and how
the other person is a problem—they are being obstinate.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">But if we ACCEPT that
there will be differences, we hold the difference we have with another person
and resist the temptation of putting them in the naughty corner.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">There often isn’t
enough time or opportunity or relational tolerance to flesh matters
out. Sometimes people have set opposite views, and we find it
frustrating when we can’t change a person’s mind. Think about that
from their viewpoint. Who lacks tolerance?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Imagine if we lived in a world where we as people readily accepted
that others think differently and that that doesn’t make them wrong—just
different. Imagine the peace. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">To make that world a
reality in our own life we must accept it starts and ends with
us. We must work on our own attitude to others, we can’t expect them
to do any of that work for us. We can only impact our own behaviour
and attitudes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Imagine the relief in
others when they relate with us where our acceptance takes the pressure off
them to align to our views about things. We all want to be treated
with respect, and that actually needs to start with us. Most people
respond in kind. Respect begets respect.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">If we feel a person
is judging us, we can ask ourselves if we’re doing anything to put division
between us.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">But if we’re honest,
it’s hard. Our differences with others create a lot of turmoil, for
us and for them and for others as well, especially when we or they feel there
is a need to influence change.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Agreeing on the presence of difference in our lives is important
for a content life.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;"><span style="color: navy; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Accepting we have
limited control over certain circumstances and others is the larger part of
personal maturity and prosperity. It is peace for us, and that is peace for
others, too.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-79238214854005229392024-02-22T22:05:00.004+08:002024-02-22T22:09:35.996+08:00Wellness or Illness – what is it to be?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirBgJydK-yrg8cYRQOU2dU1AE_23c9fBobRlyzB6lhr_X0v06mK5fYIBB3giLEi2Qa0aij9WzSAMBHvF8KnCpYNzHSDr6sLyjJL8ZCPHDMclmpKTBqMeupCXXeG_TQe_RWm7lpH7Xg1qjdI4zdMpKw5Ik780en-j2T_j6qlmebi4pJ6VQnjV_0z7cQQwq4/s4032/IMG_1166.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirBgJydK-yrg8cYRQOU2dU1AE_23c9fBobRlyzB6lhr_X0v06mK5fYIBB3giLEi2Qa0aij9WzSAMBHvF8KnCpYNzHSDr6sLyjJL8ZCPHDMclmpKTBqMeupCXXeG_TQe_RWm7lpH7Xg1qjdI4zdMpKw5Ik780en-j2T_j6qlmebi4pJ6VQnjV_0z7cQQwq4/s320/IMG_1166.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;">Remember the old
adage, “there is no ‘I’ in TEAM”?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;">It’s the same with
our mental health: “I” or “WE”?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;">“I” ought to remind us of ILLNESS, whereas <br />
“WE” ought to remind us of WELLNESS.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;">Healing and
wholeness are not rocket science.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="background: repeat white; color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic";">It’s the careful attention to connecting with a
caring, compassionate world — the world of WE.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="background: repeat white; color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic";">But it does take courage, it takes risk, to
thrust ourselves into an often-unknown world, so we do understand the fear
innate in shrinking, isolating, withdrawing — it feels safer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed, these forces are often too compelling
to overcome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="background: repeat white; color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic";">But when we are ready, we can take a plunge,
especially when we give what we feel might be a safe space a chance.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="background: repeat white; color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic";">Safe spaces of community are a boon for
wellness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But safe spaces are only safe
when we feel safe, and others feel safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is a shared responsibility to ensure a safe place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="background: repeat white; color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic";">Safe spaces are places where a person can
suffer and be comforted, where their primary emotions of sadness and fear might
find acceptance, but not a place where secondary emotions like anger and rage
are allowed to boil over to damage and traumatise. The former is ownership of their emotional landscape, whereas the latter is a blaming of others.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="background: repeat white; color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic";">Being honest about our sadness and fear will
always pave a way to healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
unmerited anger just festers.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" style="background: repeat white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="background: repeat white; color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic";">Anger contributes
to illness <br />
but expressions of sadness and fear <br />
lead to wellness.</span></b><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-89938099180327445242024-02-09T16:48:00.005+08:002024-02-09T16:50:01.634+08:00The holding pattern growth purpose in suffering<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimFZdT0i1lYpxPH1xeJZaPQ8EW2sRUO6MYeKpPjmHumEQw2AnaFdpP6ZrOi4IPS8JBWSUoY-n6rW3XR434C-84DCmgJp0sDqExR5VV_OUcEaTQAqoz2qhzuIvGDQQJBVU8A-yeilgY7AEYMZXmPEVxx4IikMvTvmHoAbQZQIQ6XcUW5aWFt5ZjzCqQ3uGx/s4032/IMG_0959.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimFZdT0i1lYpxPH1xeJZaPQ8EW2sRUO6MYeKpPjmHumEQw2AnaFdpP6ZrOi4IPS8JBWSUoY-n6rW3XR434C-84DCmgJp0sDqExR5VV_OUcEaTQAqoz2qhzuIvGDQQJBVU8A-yeilgY7AEYMZXmPEVxx4IikMvTvmHoAbQZQIQ6XcUW5aWFt5ZjzCqQ3uGx/s320/IMG_0959.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Against our modern-day proclivity in desiring the easy life (compare
how ‘easy’ life was 70-100 years ago) there is one thing that suffering gives
us hope for: growth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I’ve seen this firsthand in my life: first in suffering the loss
of my first marriage and second in the loss of the career of my calling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter what I tried and no matter what ‘work’
I did to recover, I could not escape the holding pattern of suffering that
gripped my life. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">There were forces in my life that conspired against my comfort; yet
these same forces conspired against the escape I wanted that would have impeded
my recovery. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">There is a classic but painful irony in suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is true in ‘what doesn’t kill me makes
me stronger’ turns out to be the acquisition of a growth mindset as a
compensation for what we’ve been through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The only caveat: if only we respond to the ignominy of suffering with
humility, poise, and grace.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%;">We lament the growing pains of grief, but if we can only hold
onto hope enduring it; that it will produce perseverance, character, maturity,
and wisdom, eventually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because it will.<o:p></o:p></span></p><br />Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-86920186589222119082024-01-31T21:36:00.007+08:002024-01-31T21:53:13.641+08:00The Drinker’s Dilemma<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqCW9umj-jzFyEe_1OBebyTg1hFmTqqcWd-4r7-dUUUf31sXj0dkManLBOuai8kpSZOgyGfEq68Eg5czA2mmf4y-W5YYhyphenhyphenl5vLoOGbaRqXJymw5bFwbL05iDNs5Sa8V8lDUc1MkZ4KDgK88DFXuo-3inYFBQWWpyBd9Xn3tDYw6OcRv0Ep21bLgVeCPkX6/s506/Screenshot%202024-01-31%20at%209.11.17%E2%80%AFpm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="340" data-original-width="506" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqCW9umj-jzFyEe_1OBebyTg1hFmTqqcWd-4r7-dUUUf31sXj0dkManLBOuai8kpSZOgyGfEq68Eg5czA2mmf4y-W5YYhyphenhyphenl5vLoOGbaRqXJymw5bFwbL05iDNs5Sa8V8lDUc1MkZ4KDgK88DFXuo-3inYFBQWWpyBd9Xn3tDYw6OcRv0Ep21bLgVeCPkX6/s320/Screenshot%202024-01-31%20at%209.11.17%E2%80%AFpm.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I lived the drinker’s dilemma from about my eighteenth birthday until about six weeks after my thirty-sixth birthday — 18 years, and though there weren’t many black outs, there were many seedy hangovers. </span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The way I feel about alcohol now is balanced. Having been a non-drinker for over twenty years now, I commend anyone to drink if they can enjoy it in moderation. But as soon as the drink becomes a pattern for coping a person is in trouble.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">2,900 years ago these words were penned:</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">“It is not for kings, Lemuel –<br />
it is not for kings to drink wine,<br />
not for rulers to crave beer,<br />
lest they drink and forget what has been decreed,<br />
and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.<br />
Let beer be for those who are perishing,<br />
wine for those who are in anguish! <br />
Let them drink and forget their poverty<br />
and remember their misery no more.” (Proverbs 31:4-7)</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">As a counsellor I know it’s not as simple as someone giving up the grog cold turkey. For many people, drinking is a coping mechanism and there needs to be the right supports in place to help a person make their journey clear and free of alcoholism.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">That support for me two decades ago was a tremendous body of believers in recovery, unity, and service — the rooms of AA, shout out to the Mandurah Steps group, Coolbellup, Fremantle, Rockingham groups, and the Kwinana Town Group (where I was Secretary for a short time before I received my call to become a minister of God). In the grips of grief with my first marriage in tatters, so many men and a few women gathered me and encouraged me to go deep into my own pain to own it, to deal with my resentments and anxieties, to invest in my recovery by looking at ME, not blaming others. AA gave me so much at the time I committed myself to a lifetime of recovery, unity, and service. It is a constant reminder that my life — all our lives — has enormous purpose, much bigger than many of us contemplate or dare to imagine.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The fact is life wasn’t meant to be lived off our faces. It is meant to be lived sober. Life is its best when we are stone cold sober.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Recovery</b> is worth every bit of the sacrifice it takes to get and stay sober.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Unity</b> is HOW we get through and STAY sober, the mutual love and support of brothers and sisters of the same faith.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Service</b> is what keeps us humble and fortifies us against the inevitable threads of disappointment, regret, betrayal, bitterness, unforgiveness, and resentment that remain ever present threats to our sobriety. Truth is, these snares are everywhere in life, and we must get to a place where we’re girded beyond them, to save us when we might otherwise slip into the haze of a drunken spree. Service is an offensive strategy to ensure we are blessed in being a blessing. A person who serves simply for the joy of it, because they can, cannot be swayed by addiction.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Get this: sobriety is a state of mind, and less so much about whether we drink or not. <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But it is also about being and staying sober. Sobriety is the wisdom of maturity that contemplates that life is a bruising affair, that there are too many temptations and stumbles along the way, and that the only way through is the preemptive perspective that prevents us getting stuck in the salty mangrove swamps where there is no spiritual life.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The drinker’s dilemma is to drink to cope with the pains of life that could be resolved if only the drink were replaced with facing scary feelings which threaten to overwhelm but can be faced and can be tamed.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The drinker’s dilemma is a short-term solution that involves considerable consequences. Alcohol always complicates things. It is not only a physical carcinogen, it’s an emotional and a spiritual carcinogen as well. It destroys lives and never builds. And to think we still allow it to be advertised so much that young lives continue to be conditioned to think it’s part of a good life. Trouble is the drinker’s dilemma, because for every person who partakes in moderation there is potential for another to tie on a bender.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We don’t need alcohol like we need food, water, and shelter. Alcohol contributes nothing to our needs. For nine who can ‘enjoy a quiet one’ there is one or two who will drink themselves to oblivion. Theirs is the drinker’s dilemma, ten thousand regrets with the hair of the dog combined with another ten thousand on top — the daily drive to drink for 55 years. The drinker’s dilemma is damned if one drinks and damned if one does not drink (for the fact that the drink is missed).</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">You can do it. You can rid it from your life if you relate to the drinker’s dilemma.</span></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Get support around you. Go and face those emotions that beg to be met. Commit yourself to the steps of recovery and be blessed to find your purpose in service.</span></p><div><br /></div>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-35738427969098571342024-01-17T19:16:00.005+08:002024-01-17T19:22:28.001+08:00What do I do with this crippling grief?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-udxx9Wo6bmnTYgtddY3kUyLoxwkMjD_KuKEZ1APw5BI_wMFPnlkn_x3vjXxNxI4NTjeArDAa_viYlcH7XtCo_vUKGM2L0nS1V_Zj8izzyC40BX7I9Ht8_CrNYWM_-ABxkXwgBvsoN5dpIOQXmuXhkYffQEny9qyY31pjLXorSy1vPlksUadtVqeTfM0C/s2426/Screenshot%202023-10-23%20at%208.38.38%E2%80%AFpm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1370" data-original-width="2426" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-udxx9Wo6bmnTYgtddY3kUyLoxwkMjD_KuKEZ1APw5BI_wMFPnlkn_x3vjXxNxI4NTjeArDAa_viYlcH7XtCo_vUKGM2L0nS1V_Zj8izzyC40BX7I9Ht8_CrNYWM_-ABxkXwgBvsoN5dpIOQXmuXhkYffQEny9qyY31pjLXorSy1vPlksUadtVqeTfM0C/s320/Screenshot%202023-10-23%20at%208.38.38%E2%80%AFpm.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><br /></p><div><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">A polarising question to loss: “What do I do with this crippling grief?”</span></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">There is a simple answer to a question that is an eternal conundrum. The answer is there is no answer. Contemplating this leads us to a place of contemplation. It leads to silence. From silence comes respect for all things that do not have answers, for there are many problems of life that leave us without words or capacity of response.</span></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">To loss, there is no answer. </span></b></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">And yet what is come of crippling grief? </span></b></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Silence. Stillness. Surrender. </span></b></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Acceptance as a response and goal of arrival.</span></b></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">~</span></b></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the discombobulating reality of loss, grief invades as an ever-present foe, stealing all semblance of peace, hope and joy. It causes us to distrust both present and future as we pine for the past. It annihilates all confidence that happiness is possible again. It’s like we’ve travelled through a portal to hell. We envy what we once had. It’s like a parallel universe where we disconnect from others who are untouched by loss, getting on with ‘their happy lives’. It leaves us mystified and dread-filled. In loss, a series of blows is meted out in a season of unparalleled injustice that seems to last beyond forever.</span></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">There is no making sense of it. There are no words. Anything ventured is a waste of space and energy. And yet, somehow the answer is closer than ever before. </span></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">In a topic that makes no sense, sense is finally made when we agree that searching is senseless. When we sit in the pain agreeing to hope when the presence of hope is a void we find a way of putting one foot in front of another, even if that’s a dream of the hope we cannot let go of.</span></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">At least we can know that someone sees us in the crippling grief. We connect to a world we hardly knew existed. Strangely we feel home in places that were previously foreign. </span></p>
<p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">In your crippling grief know that there is a purpose in all things, and that that purpose may not reveal itself for some time; yet, surely as I’ve heard it countless times, that purpose will come. </span></p></div><div><br /></div></div>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-813711860759641352023-12-20T08:57:00.006+08:002023-12-20T09:41:05.708+08:00Hope beyond the overwhelm<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2X0Jof2zOWgzux9SdL-nYR9Of0ZJUdYlBzNIwt3BxesnfWloKorfseZj6xf8cdHOm3Gs6sTbLcDiQe4IB1cnCwYcxKKifdVttjN8iU9KMRTF1fSDq0qrWNQHL5KGbNvJawyRt8a7cjX9HtvGCC-xIfR51zVpP9YJI0NBm7Xo5ttaR9s7yHEA00q2aOct0/s1850/Screenshot%202023-12-20%20at%208.55.47%E2%80%AFam.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1388" data-original-width="1850" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2X0Jof2zOWgzux9SdL-nYR9Of0ZJUdYlBzNIwt3BxesnfWloKorfseZj6xf8cdHOm3Gs6sTbLcDiQe4IB1cnCwYcxKKifdVttjN8iU9KMRTF1fSDq0qrWNQHL5KGbNvJawyRt8a7cjX9HtvGCC-xIfR51zVpP9YJI0NBm7Xo5ttaR9s7yHEA00q2aOct0/s320/Screenshot%202023-12-20%20at%208.55.47%E2%80%AFam.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Life in the overwhelm takes us from the relative comfort we may have had to fear to questioning the meaning of life to questioning our existence. It is fathoms below, and infinitely harder than, any pain we’d previously conceived.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">When we endure loss and we are tipped into grief, overwhelm threatens every moment. Even when we’re gifted a presence of momentary peace, we know that the overwhelm, the dread, beckons at the door — we wonder when our peace will be vanquished. That terrifying reality is an ever present threat.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b>‘FAITH TO OVERCOME’</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Some people have faith to overcome and it comes naturally to them. For others — especially those who are more realistic than idealistic — faith to overcome comes much less naturally.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Let me explain that ‘faith to overcome’ is not inherently about religious faith — where your faith might be in God, for instance. For me, faith to overcome is much more visceral than religious faith, but it is also the basis of authentic religious faith. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>It’s a faith that trusts that good is coming. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Faith to overcome is <br />
born of and is underpinned <br />
by a hope that insists good is coming. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Faith to overcome is <br />
impossible to stifle. <br />
It holds the overwhelm amid the promise <br />
of something good coming from it. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">This faith to overcome somehow helps in the pain of the overwhelm because it hopes for something better on the horizon. Ultimately this faith to overcome cannot be defeated because the hope underpinning it refuses to be despaired. Eventually, all good hopes are vindicated. Good does come eventually.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Sure, there are times when we do despair: </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;">… times that are, <b>“far beyond our ability to endure, <br />
so that we despaired of life itself.”<br />
— 2 Corinthians 1:8</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">But even in such places of spirit, there is the intractable presence of hope beyond the overwhelm if only we cling to the fact that good is coming. And good WILL come. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">While we’re on this sojourn of pain in the overwhelm and dread, we can enrol in the truth that enduring this harsh season will pay handsome dividends when it is over.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Life experience is the school of hard knocks. <br />
Such wisdom is hard-won. <br />
Once won is cannot be lost.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">If we talk about peace, we can see that once we’ve experienced this travail, the premium for peace is a bounty worth paying the service of our lives for. And peace becomes our soul’s aim and hence wisdom is our driver. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">This is what life experience teaches us, through the pain of tumult: </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Peace is worth the struggle to attain it. <br />
Peace is a goodness that indwells hope and joy.<br />
Suffering teaches us that peace is THE prize of life.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Hope beyond the overwhelm is something that refuses to let go of the concept that good is coming. It keeps hope alive, and it certainly can keep us alive. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">The concept of an horizon is crucial on the cruel path of life. The horizon never arrives but if there is goodness there, it fuels hope and the faith to overcome. </p><div><br /></div>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-8362196983942750802023-12-13T20:33:00.007+08:002023-12-13T20:47:03.871+08:00The insight and motivation in mental health<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi-wxbssfnPLJ0mMUBJW-ItmX2_MSS3l-MOAoXWR3BALC96UYQTqHH0Nu8Ibpgge3ql5b5ecTNVUTZ44IM82NQ4MkPHTti0yj4g7YDp3Cd_jAacutMoLwVS8gl95MT1vMZxq2mVQKQzsUilvRXm_0S2WBBarag5nnzfi3uk0ILNTiumpuPJ0-EP9vUW0_z/s1800/Screenshot%202023-12-13%20at%208.32.07%E2%80%AFpm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1222" data-original-width="1800" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi-wxbssfnPLJ0mMUBJW-ItmX2_MSS3l-MOAoXWR3BALC96UYQTqHH0Nu8Ibpgge3ql5b5ecTNVUTZ44IM82NQ4MkPHTti0yj4g7YDp3Cd_jAacutMoLwVS8gl95MT1vMZxq2mVQKQzsUilvRXm_0S2WBBarag5nnzfi3uk0ILNTiumpuPJ0-EP9vUW0_z/s320/Screenshot%202023-12-13%20at%208.32.07%E2%80%AFpm.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Like diligence and prudence are opposite and complementary sides of the coin of character, insight and motivation are opposite and complementary sides of mental health. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">A thumbnail sketch of this topic:</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Diligence is like motivation – action-oriented. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Prudence is like insight – inaction-oriented. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Diligence and prudence form wisdom. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Insight and motivation form mental health.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>~</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b>THE MENTAL HEALTH IN INSIGHT</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Insight is that beautiful characteristic where a person can literally see inside themselves. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">They can truthfully see their individual and social truth. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">They are aware and their awareness adds beauty to all their relationships. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">They accept themselves for who they are, not needing to be perfect, on the contrary, never happier to be content with what they have and are. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">They pick up on the nonverbals and astoundingly do not need to be told where they are going wrong. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">They are also not overly afraid of receiving feedback. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Their self-awareness is a great tool <br />
that protects them and provides for them.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">One of the worst blows of mental ill health is a loss or lack of insight. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Those who cannot see what they need to see to protect themselves and others are in harm’s way. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Those who struggle to know how to provide for themselves and others also lack insight. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">We’ve all had times when we’ve been vulnerable to these things.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">What do we do to nurture insight? We live in the knowledge of truth as much as possible. That takes courage and humility. The key question always remains: how open am I to the truths pertaining to my person and relationships — to my inner and outer world?</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b>THE MENTAL HEALTH IN MOTIVATION</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Society mistakenly thinks that depression is about sadness. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Depression is about sadness, but it is so much more. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Principally it’s about motivation – depression sucks not only the motivation and drive from a person, but it also sucks their hope, peace, and joy dry. It saps us to the point where we’re rendered powerless to control ourselves.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b>But mental ill health is more than depression. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">A person who is demotivated is not at their peak mental health. There is a disconnect with their purpose and an inability to live life full and abundantly. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">If mental ill health is a lack of life direction and purpose, it reaches its pit in suicidal ideation – the lack of will to live and the goal to die. What sets a person back on their course is them connecting with their innate purpose – their reason and meaning for being here. There is always a “why”.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">The pinnacle of human existence is wanting to live and desiring to make the most of every day — accepting that not every day is imminently liveable. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">The best indicator that we have room to grow mentally is that we are NOT experiencing this. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">It is a very good thing when we commit to wanting to make more of every day we have alive – that’s a seeking for good mental health. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">If this article brings something up for you, listen to your inner voice and go on a quest to seek for better. </p><div><br /></div>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-81577706119191842042023-11-19T17:38:00.003+08:002023-11-19T17:56:43.616+08:00The gifts of empathy and understanding<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNxegtowipqlKrE4AdUhprYY28oJui-sAKHswp8fSq7jMTXeFCMJhbn7j6VJYviSPgIFK9gjtG_R_zxFk2TAEeBXHBnMiqtiMT0e1TQ5QYJ0DRR8Uy8W1w3m5HQm7JMXVjX6DcGgYtO_DMZEk5WJuEBUigO_-7jiVA16E8B2xQK5Hvq0gdTkWVQCaizBKz/s1818/Screenshot%202023-11-19%20at%205.36.14%E2%80%AFpm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1362" data-original-width="1818" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNxegtowipqlKrE4AdUhprYY28oJui-sAKHswp8fSq7jMTXeFCMJhbn7j6VJYviSPgIFK9gjtG_R_zxFk2TAEeBXHBnMiqtiMT0e1TQ5QYJ0DRR8Uy8W1w3m5HQm7JMXVjX6DcGgYtO_DMZEk5WJuEBUigO_-7jiVA16E8B2xQK5Hvq0gdTkWVQCaizBKz/s320/Screenshot%202023-11-19%20at%205.36.14%E2%80%AFpm.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Truly understanding another human being is like seeing the entirety of an iceberg. Much of the mass of an iceberg sits invisible below the surface of the icy waters. The archetypal iceberg is much bigger in mass below the surface. Only the smaller portion exists visible to the eye.</p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">The metaphor of the iceberg is helpful for understanding empathy. The more we see of the iceberg, the more we know its true mass, structure, and features.</p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>The more we understand another person, <br />
the more we can choose to empathise. </b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>When we more fully understand <br />
and appreciate another human being, <br />
we are positioned then to empathise.</b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>But it also takes empathy to <br />
achieve a fuller understanding.</b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Empathy is the capacity for one human being to understand and feel for another. But empathy is also the behaviour of demonstrating care from the understanding gleaned. Understanding comes first.</p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Understanding is the full iceberg. It comes from the empathy of interest in the other person; the curiosity and integrity of interest for the right reasons.</p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b>THE HEART BEHIND EMPATHY</b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">The heart is what underlies empathy — the WANT or the motivation to understand another person. But many people have absolutely no inclination to do so. </p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">The heart in Old Testament terms is ‘the seat of the emotions’ — the heart is the basis of all our motivation or want to do anything. This is a thing that we must personally see the inherent benefit of — to do it. </p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>The heart behind empathy is the WANT <br />
or desire to see others prosper or be blessed. </b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Only people who already feel blessed <br />
have the capacity to willingly empathise. </b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Only when we truly understand the power of giving our love away to the extent of empathy, do we fully grasp and take hold of the abundant life any of us can have at any time. </p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Giving empathy is therefore a key indicator and evidence of full emotional health in a person in the realm of relationships. It is not only wisdom to engage in it. Demonstrated empathy is a gift to both the receiver and giver.</p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;"><b>COMMITTING TO A FULLER UNDERSTANDING </b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Making the sacrifices necessary to fully understand another person is worth it. But it’s like the chicken and the egg — what comes first? Empathy or understanding? </p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">To fully invest ourselves in understanding another, we must have sufficient security of worth within ourselves first. Who gives the precious gift of authentic empathy without first having a safe sense of self? </p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Seeking a full understanding of <br />
another involves an inherent humility; <br />
a heart genuinely interested in the other. </b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">A fuller understanding of another person positions that person to empathise.</p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Blessed is the heart of a person motivated to empathise.</b></p><p style="color: navy; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>A person motivated to understand and <br />
empathise is blessed as they are a blessing. </b></p><div><b><br /></b></div>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-84591332737340857172023-11-06T16:57:00.007+08:002023-11-06T17:15:16.966+08:00Let it go, experience freedom<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNMWnK-YIDvUyB2TicNxObGT-xBUn5rcqY5J8JTXtBI8kmD9eeTMp1I2a7s_wuyaYPLBOex_1QY8we0Uakb2dKSYfCJUMUNACBRQ7zLXNTTt-KyMIejwEQKsQ5uQDzgjn0ExCcdf8Mw9ZvzYoqXiK0ixTZnhJDt4tL0qk7apPRLRKrqWEBOqcsjWwQl1xX/s1810/Screenshot%202023-11-06%20at%204.56.33%E2%80%AFpm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1362" data-original-width="1810" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNMWnK-YIDvUyB2TicNxObGT-xBUn5rcqY5J8JTXtBI8kmD9eeTMp1I2a7s_wuyaYPLBOex_1QY8we0Uakb2dKSYfCJUMUNACBRQ7zLXNTTt-KyMIejwEQKsQ5uQDzgjn0ExCcdf8Mw9ZvzYoqXiK0ixTZnhJDt4tL0qk7apPRLRKrqWEBOqcsjWwQl1xX/s320/Screenshot%202023-11-06%20at%204.56.33%E2%80%AFpm.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">More than a few times in any given day, and myriad times over a lifetime, we find ourselves drawn into concerns that are beyond our control. Succumbing to anxiety is the lot of the human life. But the situation is not hopeless.</p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Even the experience of feeling crushed <br />
can bring the gift of perspective. </b></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Nobody wants to be crushed with grief, <br />
but suffering sorts some anxieties from others. </b></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">The chief blessing I experienced in the tyranny of languishing, lasting grief twenty years ago was the entrapment of gratitude that I had for the things that could never be taken away from me.</p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Over these for which I had command there was real freedom. The list seemed endless when I dug deeper down.</p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Spiritual blessings. I was alive. I had the love of my kids, my parents, new friends that came into my orbit. Fire breathed into my faith, for God had captivated my heart in the dread of loss. A newfound discovery, the love of service. The power in overcoming addiction to alcohol. None of these were little things. </p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>The more I surrendered <br />
the material things I could lay hold of, <br />
the more spiritual blessings <br />
flooded into my perception. </b></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">All of what I was experiencing — yes, the joy — came amid much sorrow and fear for the calamity that my life had become overnight. I had lost my wife, my home, free access to my children, all joy in a job that required me to travel but alas a career that demanded I be away from my kids. I had to let go of that life and centralise my efforts and focus. Then freedom rushed in.</p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Materially, I had lost incalculably. Every one of these single losses in and of themselves was enough to floor me. Even as they piled on top of one another, I was forced to look for higher ground.</p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>That season felt like I had lost everything <br />
that meant anything to me, <br />
but of course there was much <br />
that was only then beginning to come in.</b></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">That season I learned what I had control over — what I thought, said and did. </p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>That’s it. That’s all. </b></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Everything else I was forced to let go of, and in that season the gift of letting go was granted to me. (I’ve had many seasons since where letting go seemed the hardest thing to do.)</p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">Ultimately, we let go for freedom, but letting go must be done in faith, for it never feels like the right thing to do. </p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px;">But as we let go, we receive something intangible that we could never have otherwise.</p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Letting go redeems the reward that the <br />
truer possessions cannot be taken from us.</b></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>The truer possessions cannot be taken from us <br />
because they are not of this world.</b></p><p style="color: #01154d; font-family: Garamond; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 24px; text-align: center;"><b>Loss is the invitation to the spiritual.</b></p><div><b><br /></b></div>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-63020738296006446432023-10-30T19:57:00.002+08:002023-10-30T20:17:18.622+08:00Empathy, compassion beyond judgement<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXBkmMUt4OMVEFjwp5AWheN4QdbMLdjfOgBlRaLLsSw_EG9a-LrHAM1vgL5NgofSUPQq0uWhL2bjv6C0IGLw6gDABjrmnPo_atqmKRUF9rRyfbS1bG0qbuxZ6F-rWwXoWhgS9iJTTYbLuPa0VUMaRERuc-MoEGhbmyTifRTGGzR2_heVudv7PjPQVtP4B8/s1806/Screenshot%202023-10-30%20at%207.55.32%E2%80%AFpm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1364" data-original-width="1806" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXBkmMUt4OMVEFjwp5AWheN4QdbMLdjfOgBlRaLLsSw_EG9a-LrHAM1vgL5NgofSUPQq0uWhL2bjv6C0IGLw6gDABjrmnPo_atqmKRUF9rRyfbS1bG0qbuxZ6F-rWwXoWhgS9iJTTYbLuPa0VUMaRERuc-MoEGhbmyTifRTGGzR2_heVudv7PjPQVtP4B8/s320/Screenshot%202023-10-30%20at%207.55.32%E2%80%AFpm.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Many people struggle to understand how or why people do certain things. Beside the intention of evil residing in some that would do the unthinkable, nobody is beyond making a significant error of judgement. Nobody is beyond temptation. Nobody is protected from the folly of human weakness.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Empathy for those who have made a mistake should not be hard. It’s a kindness that may not make their situation better, but at least cruelty isn’t an added burden.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>Empathy is a gift to both the one <br />
receiving it and to the giver. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Nobody likes to suffer, but there are lessons in it. There are none more so apt here than what happens in a person who suffers for having made their own mistake. To be kept in that place of suffering for the shame of having made a significant error of judgement seems cruel when we are there. But it teaches us something far deeper than we can learn any other way. It teaches us a vital lesson. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>We learn empathy deeply <br />
through our own need of it.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">There is a love of kindness and compassion that should rule all our hearts, but many have not yet learned such an empathy that exemplifies understanding. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">When we experience the deeper compassion of empathy when we feel we ought to be judged, it may be that the person who empathises has suffered and been taught deeply a love that is beyond judgement.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>Judgement can be a sign <br />
of a lack of understanding.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">We must always ask ourselves when we are judging another person, “Have I never made an error worthy of judgement?” Or, “Is there any chance I could make an error of judgement in the future?” “Would I appreciate being judged?” And, “What would I prefer to experience from others, empathy or judgement?” </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Empathy does not save a person from the consequences of their actions, but it does convey to a person that they are more valuable than what they do. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>The truth is we are all more valuable <br />
than what we do or what we have.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #0f006e; font-family: "Avenir Next"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>Judgement is an error in itself. <br />
It reveals a lack of empathy. </b></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-17230790188161769982023-10-23T20:40:00.004+08:002023-10-23T20:47:43.055+08:00Those lonely nights lost to God saved me<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMwtvIM1TLCux3JQXriCOcOkD4PZZIb_gIyqPE8PxSVrONz0Uh1lJ3OVxLo3ubkH1zK3fAQrYoDPc0UeadyC9C5Ctzc8RDii0XQsDORCAxn8W5lM5oW_TTMLCaNzXZj6S7kEKfFvNmeVQKRyGZV2OY2Ryz4Xtnbo_h3SIIYEfc-aIBiOtwgqAwUD3l0AT/s2426/Screenshot%202023-10-23%20at%208.38.38%E2%80%AFpm.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1370" data-original-width="2426" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMwtvIM1TLCux3JQXriCOcOkD4PZZIb_gIyqPE8PxSVrONz0Uh1lJ3OVxLo3ubkH1zK3fAQrYoDPc0UeadyC9C5Ctzc8RDii0XQsDORCAxn8W5lM5oW_TTMLCaNzXZj6S7kEKfFvNmeVQKRyGZV2OY2Ryz4Xtnbo_h3SIIYEfc-aIBiOtwgqAwUD3l0AT/s320/Screenshot%202023-10-23%20at%208.38.38%E2%80%AFpm.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>In a season God found me, </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>I felt incredibly lost to God. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">What seems a contradiction is actually a fact for so many I have had the privilege of journeying with. As a pastor and counsellor, I’ve heard many recount exactly the same story.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">What follows is an account of how God was found even in the plot of feeling utterly lost to God; </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>… like God was completely silent.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I recall it like yesterday, whether in my dingy flat or in the slightly more well-appointed townhouse I subsequently moved into. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>Myriad experiences of feeling utterly alone, <br />
zero Presence of the Lord with me. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Yet in that dusky time, even as I questioned the very existence of God as far as I was concerned, there was something in me that could not let go. Part of me had to believe in faith.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>The more God seemed absent,</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>the more I sought His Presence.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Of course, what I describe here is much like the dark night of the soul, as St John of the Cross put it.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">There was about this time a kind of non-living experience that forced me into the ethereal. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Even as God’s Presence was void in my life on many such occasions, lonely nights where there was just me and my tears, there, in fact, <b><i>in those moments</i></b>, was the Presence of God.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I just could not see it at the time, and because I could not bear the idea that God was not present, I imagined He WAS present, praying as if He was, even though I could not feel His Presence. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">You may be forgiven for needing to reread this a few times. It may make no sense to you. But it makes all the sense in the world to me.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">In those times when my soul was vanquished, and my spirit was tested beyond its apparent pathetic strength — because when it was tested, I really had nothing of my own — even as I had nothing left, God proved His Presence <span style="text-decoration: underline;">with</span> me, even as He was absent to me. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">You may need to be in that position to understand what I’m saying. And I trust that if you ever are in such a position you don’t run from being completely lost. Refuse to let go of the hope that God is WITH you.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>I found I needed to be completely lost</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>before I would truly </b><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><b>need</b></span><b> God to save me.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Amid the moment of our personal Gethsemane, we’re blessed in being reminded of this: just when the Father seemed to turn His face from Jesus, we cannot reconcile that reality without contrasting with it the reality of the resurrection. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">That’s right, we cannot contemplate the truth of Gethsemane and the Cross without also contemplating the Resurrection just a few days later.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Likewise, when God seems to turn His face from us, as He did with Jesus, <span style="text-decoration: underline;">He still has us</span> (we just don’t know it at the time), and His pervasive resurrection plan is in full roll-out mode.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>In these moments of absence,</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>the bridge of faith is absolutely vital.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;"><b></b><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>No life comes without faith.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;"><b></b><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>How do we hold on in times of God’s absence?</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>We hold onto a faith that says He is present.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;"><b></b><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">We ignore every screaming distraction pushing us away from our pain, and we enter the journey of being in the lostness, for that is where God will surely meet us. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>We should not expect this </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>will be a lovely experience. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">It’s the worst experience of our lives — levels deeper than we could ever previously conceive or imagine.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>But that is where the true God meets us;</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>in the hell of our private Gethsemane.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">But we don’t feel met at all. We just feel lonely and abandoned. That’s the paradox in being truly saved. We need to feel truly lost first.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>God saves the desperate soul </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>who is so lost only He can help them.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">This is an article for you to save for when war breaks out — the war against the soul whose life has departed into the ether. When your life as it was is lost. As it was when it ceases to be.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>You will know it when you land there. </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>A living hell descends in grief outbound of loss.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Nothing will make sense. And nobody will seem to understand, but, praise God, some will try. Humour them. Trust them. God will use them. There is a ministry of God in the space where human help is benign. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>Trust those who have such humility </b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>to feel hopeless and helpless WITH you.</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14.8px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 17px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>Yes, when you’re in these lost places,</b></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #000053; font-family: Helvetica; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 18.7px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b>it’s only those who cannot help you who do help you!</b></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-84594391859743022192023-10-07T22:36:00.004+08:002023-10-07T22:36:44.806+08:00Fixed mindset versus Growth mindset<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheULeg8cugqragl4GqtrtwWVH9czz1Kq-fBuX-UH01EQgoYubc5Ue9yzBLZpIIL_t-pxq9rNvkWyUFrEWHo7XLrdQqesTIXMp7HS9wbMXBCGnAJTlx5risGthJNM_fEZdQUCP1zRKjGHsF5QPInx99UK0UJt0jNlz-njDL4hOtrcwMpO514CjTE3l4lr_5/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheULeg8cugqragl4GqtrtwWVH9czz1Kq-fBuX-UH01EQgoYubc5Ue9yzBLZpIIL_t-pxq9rNvkWyUFrEWHo7XLrdQqesTIXMp7HS9wbMXBCGnAJTlx5risGthJNM_fEZdQUCP1zRKjGHsF5QPInx99UK0UJt0jNlz-njDL4hOtrcwMpO514CjTE3l4lr_5/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One thing my colleagues and I talk a lot about in our work is a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset. It’s vital in the work we do in supporting the wellness of fire and emergency services workers. We all have our battles, but when your role immerses you in trauma and stress it’s doubly necessary to build a bigger frame for recovery. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Growth mindset principles work in all our lives. Most lives involve trauma and stress. Growth mindset principles are therefore vitalising in the quest for hope-filled recovery. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But a growth mindset delivers <br />a life of blessing in any context.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The simplest premise is this:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">An empowered life is a life <br />motivated to look within and learn. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It is a GROWTH mindset. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But a life that externalises everything—<br />blaming others, resisting ownership and agency— <br />loses the only power available to them. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">A life capable of learning <br />and turning from wrongdoing <br />is a powerful life for itself <br />and for the others <br />who love and care for that life.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Ultimately, the happiest life <br />is a life that considers others’ lives.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Selfish lives are confined to unhappiness. Kicking against the goads of life isn’t enough. They keep doing it. And their misery is always extended to those who love and care for them. Misery for one is misery for all. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Such a fixed mindset won’t allow the person even the awareness to SEE let alone the insight to motivate the action implicit in a growth mindset. The fixed mindset is a prison for those blind to life.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">LIFE – ADVENTURE OR NOTHING<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Helen Keller famously said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We are better off waking to the challenges <br />the day ahead presents rather than bingeing Netflix.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Those with a growth mindset don’t resent or spurn the challenges—they see them and take them on. Those with a fixed mindset either cannot see the challenges to be faced or they lazily avoid them or fearfully refuse to take them on. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The only difference between both perceptions is perception itself—honestly, heaven or hell. Seriously, for simply a shift in core attitude YOU and I CHOOSE whether we will live a life of heaven or hell.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Those with a fixed mindset will see that a growth mindset requires continuous ‘work’, and it does. But that’s all it requires—a work ethic. Those with a growth mindset look at those with a fixed mindset and say to themselves, “This isn’t hard, all I choose to do is face reality and work the challenges, all in the knowledge that every challenge is designed to be overcome.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">To those with a fixed mindset, challenges are a lamentable and despicable part of life that make life out as a painful, terrible existence, at times not worth living. But those of the growth mindset have joy in ALL their work—they’ve transcended all fear of work. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">When work is a joy, rest is bliss.<br />Life for the worker is all upside.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">CHANGING WHAT CAN BE CHANGED, ACCEPTING WHAT CAN’T<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The only challenge that is insurmountable for those with a growth mindset is the existence of people with the fixed mindset who refuse to grow. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Those with a growth mindset are daunted by many things without being resigned to despair, but those fixed in a fixed mindset are beyond them.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The only resolution for such situations where horses are led to water but refuse to drink is the common acceptance that we all reap what we sow. Justice flows down as we all end up accounting for our overall behaviour in the final analysis.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Nobody gets away with reprehensible behaviour.<br />But a good life lived delivers an eternal legacy.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The growth mindset delivers to the person enrolled <br />in its wisdom a peace that is personal and communal.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Everyone benefits when a life is turned toward learning, <br />for those who continue to turn and learn are a blessing.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Why would we not want to be a blessing in our life?<br />The power to bless lives and be blessed because of it.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-17623498346095413142023-09-29T22:18:00.005+08:002023-09-29T22:29:52.581+08:00The courageous have humility in common<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvzcA9B5oQ70n5KbVqgQ3lY8XC4aIeVQB8TwsKbvF4UcW49TQUD-5Qx6Ty6Ket8YI_r2DOGbHHEDSWngSdq5zINSzQsGdsn8YHs7IRs8oxYWqMxFDJE0vNJnPH-W17umC2FcMNFtTWAe7uyLRsMCxwyKa_Ix9VT-jt8-Y4uSlja15yskqYdnxKA3pZ3Og/s2040/48429666_10217305041646168_8357880605668540416_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1148" data-original-width="2040" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvzcA9B5oQ70n5KbVqgQ3lY8XC4aIeVQB8TwsKbvF4UcW49TQUD-5Qx6Ty6Ket8YI_r2DOGbHHEDSWngSdq5zINSzQsGdsn8YHs7IRs8oxYWqMxFDJE0vNJnPH-W17umC2FcMNFtTWAe7uyLRsMCxwyKa_Ix9VT-jt8-Y4uSlja15yskqYdnxKA3pZ3Og/s320/48429666_10217305041646168_8357880605668540416_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One thing sets the courageous apart. It is the quality that allows them to rise up to counter the adversity set against them. It is what separates them from the also-ran who gave up or who chose to blame others or who denied there ever was a crisis to be reckoned with. It is the definer of persons. It divides the top one-percentile from the rest. It alone has the final say.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">What is it? <br />It is HUMILITY.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Humility is the dynamism of courage. When all else is loss and there seems no hope whatsoever, humility borrows the required hope in the faith that there simply must be a way forward. There is always a way forward. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That way forward is what courage looks like.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Though it may take twenty years to fully recover from some major setbacks, the one with humility will have the courage to take the challenge deep within themselves. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Only with humility is there the serenity to accept what cannot be changed with the tenacity to do what can be done—one step and one day at a time.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THIS LIFE<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Though there are two kinds of people in this life, they are not evenly spread 50-50 through society. Only a few go down the road less travelled. In my experience it is more like a 1-99 spread. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">There are the one-percenters <br />and then there are the rest.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">There is life in striving as the one-percenter strives.<br />There is only despair and death in what the rest do.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One percent of people have what it takes to look within at the circumstance and say by their responses to the adversities of their life, <b>“What can <i><u>I</u></i> do?”<o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One percent of people insist that there <br />is something they CAN do to move forward.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One percent of people refuse to get stuck in a myriad of factors that ‘explains’ why they are where they are; they resist guilt, shame, bitterness, resentment, paralysis, etc. But they are deeply interested in learning about the real explainers.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One percent of people refuse to believe the dialogue that is spun, that it’s hopeless, that there’s someone to blame, that there’s some conspiracy theory that explains it. Or they acknowledge the dialogue and use it as impetus to move forward. Life is replete with red herrings, and it serves nobody to get stuck anywhere that won’t facilitate progress.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Only when we rigidly stick to what WE can do are we able to resist externalising.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Only when we refuse to enter into the folly of falsehood and insist instead upon a way forward do we enter the trek of courage. It takes humility to stop the voices coming to ‘our aid’. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The easy thing is to listen to what seems comforting, what is personally vindicating. When that’s all we’re getting—i.e., it’s unbalanced—it takes us nowhere good. It is harder yet so much better to prefer an unsavoury view that with courage can be contemplated.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Using the higher order mind, the powerful pre-frontal cortex, not submitting to the hijacking amygdala response, we take the path few are prepared to take. It’s a path with few sojourners, but it’s a path that leads to life. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It is why prayer works. <br />It is why contemplation is mastery. <br />It is why pausing before responding works best.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Resorting to our own understanding is a poor modus operandi. Surely wisdom would instruct us if only we would not prefer our default comfort-centred mindset.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Humility and humility alone will give us what we need to bear the discomfort of looking within in whatever adversity we find ourselves—that is courage personified. It may not have the appearance of courage but there is nothing harder to do on this earth than that.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Take up the cudgel. <br />Don’t go with the crowd. <br />Go the lonelier path that leads to life. <br />Don’t refuse the learning offered in this pain. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The most courageous of persons <br />don’t entertain any other option but asking, <br />“WHAT CAN I DO HERE?”<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-88097556886220364002023-09-16T06:56:00.005+08:002023-09-16T07:11:48.515+08:00True healers – humility and connection<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxxh9SO-nGM33xlDjygTRKN8JX6ZP0CfoQufJ3PAO02l2irTLypkNLVLB7z8ketZe9Gq_CcxRljAKYUS69fl9epcrL0aPRLSuE9zOia7FXc2upVi2IwUh4QeIw3vU4ewIk9VI1m8WKZldY6jcKj2plI3V4D4D5hVSy7eJ3Q4lfDuR8n-v_XqgT180pMLTB/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxxh9SO-nGM33xlDjygTRKN8JX6ZP0CfoQufJ3PAO02l2irTLypkNLVLB7z8ketZe9Gq_CcxRljAKYUS69fl9epcrL0aPRLSuE9zOia7FXc2upVi2IwUh4QeIw3vU4ewIk9VI1m8WKZldY6jcKj2plI3V4D4D5hVSy7eJ3Q4lfDuR8n-v_XqgT180pMLTB/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Humility and connection advance the cause of recovery and healing. I’ve seen it so many times in my own life, in the lives of those I’ve helped, and in others’ lives that have been helped. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The moment we are honest enough to accept help <br />is the moment from which our recovery and healing starts.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We must put our hand up when we are struggling <br />and say, “I need help” or we will continue to flounder.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">When we are enduring a dark night of the soul, it is terrifying how constrictive our vision becomes. As if entering a tunnel of doom, we feel more and more disempowered and alone the further we run without reaching up and reaching out. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The worst thing we can do is say, “I got this!” <br />when just a little help would work wonders.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Of course, we need the RIGHT <br />sort of help to be at our disposal.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I have said it many times over the years, depression for me is always recognised with the fight trigger. It is always the irritable and nonsensical reaction to something out of my control that revealed to me my sad plight. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Whenever I’m of good mental health it is easy to acknowledge what is beyond my control. Joy and hope and my peace, they are my constant companions. But when that dark cloud forms over my head, all grasp of joy, hope and peace disappears as if they were never mine!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The humility to put our hand up and simply say, “I’m struggling just now accepting what I cannot change,” is a masterstroke circuit-breaker in entering the connection of help that will ultimately heal us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">To have a person simply sit with us and listen to how impossible life seems is the connection that will eventually heal us, propelling us on our road to recovery. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The best reality by far is to be in a life situation where joy, hope, and peace abide, and there is space and the will to help through the listening and encouragement we all know helps.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Humility begins from within, to recognise <br />we would prosper with some help—to receive it.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Connection will do its job when we can <br />rest in the comfort of trustworthy others.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><i><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">A final word – the receiving of help does not come with an entitled spirit. It comes with a grateful, humble spirit. Equally, the help that helps is a humble and safe help, without the spirit of entitlement about it. Entitlement destroys all hope of healing.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-75152222697992160592023-09-07T13:04:00.004+08:002023-09-07T13:12:37.870+08:00How do I make life work (for those who care)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi201EnmVwCzDiFKBrmxDaHZgCJA0vjigZ7CXn2axH45DYO-k2rO_jLsEV4E1A14n_2EF5OHQ6VnMkSihW24m83TAHCkBV9mVAZSEGRZJ8Vzzcil17YYkIUI1raBFrv-D2AMSI4D427er41z0853g5YGF2mdvz1iJm8OpabBEkuE82xBfCQ6sGhqC-AEg0F/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi201EnmVwCzDiFKBrmxDaHZgCJA0vjigZ7CXn2axH45DYO-k2rO_jLsEV4E1A14n_2EF5OHQ6VnMkSihW24m83TAHCkBV9mVAZSEGRZJ8Vzzcil17YYkIUI1raBFrv-D2AMSI4D427er41z0853g5YGF2mdvz1iJm8OpabBEkuE82xBfCQ6sGhqC-AEg0F/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In this life, we either care or we do not care, and that’s all that matters.<span> </span>Our life’s legacy is in how we answered the question, <b>“Do I care or do I not care”?<o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">No matter how much we argue about it, some things about life will never change.<span> </span>We cannot change this, just as we cannot change other people.<span> </span>But we can change ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">This article is for those:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 39.35pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">who are converted already, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 39.35pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">who care but need a little help, and <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; margin-left: 39.35pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">who do not care, to implore them to action.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px; text-transform: uppercase;">FOR THE CONVERTED:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">You are already won to the wisdom of caring about life, about others, and about your own self-care.<span> </span>You are an emotionally intelligent person, a gift to those you serve and all those who know you.<span> </span>You already understand the need to reconcile with people on an ongoing basis.<span> </span>You already understand the importance and need of apology in owning your own contributions to conflict in maintaining good relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">You have discovered how to make life work.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I want to encourage you not to become despondent about the people who don’t care.<span> </span>Just because you care doesn’t mean you’ve got control over whether others care or not. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It is a vast, unparalleled wisdom that accepts <br />we can’t change or even influence others.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Accept this, and you have truly grown in the wisdom.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">You have the answer to the meaning of life.<br />Celebrate this by exercising gratitude <br />for this that you know and live.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px; text-transform: uppercase;">FOR THOSE WHO CARE BUT NEED HELP:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In the vein of the above, I imagine you are in relationships where there are perilous struggles, because you are dealing with people who you cannot reason with, who are entitled, have no empathy, or exploit people and situations, or otherwise, who don’t seem to care.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The first thing I’m going to suggest is, it is good to take stock that YOU care enough to want to relate with people positively.<span> </span>That’s the most important half of living a life that works.<span> </span>The other half is about accepting we cannot change people. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">There are people you are in conflict <br />with who may never change.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But that’s not the end of the story.<span> </span>There is space for peace, even in these relationships, and we can do more in lowering our expectations about others we cannot impact.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One thing we can always do is allow people <br />to experience the consequences of their actions.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It is good to love all people with the truth.<br />Indeed, engaging with people truthfully IS love.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px; text-transform: uppercase;">FOR THOSE WHO DON’T CARE:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I don’t for one moment pretend that there are people who don’t care who will read this.<span> </span>Notwithstanding, I am compelled with all that’s in me to appeal to the person who does not care.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I can tell you that, if you do not care in life, nothing in life will serve you, even if you think life itself exists for you, and you alone.<span> </span>Please read that again and reflect on it.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Even the capacity for reflection is something that will benefit you, and you alone, and of course those you are in relationship with as well.<span> </span>This may not motivate you much, or any at all, and it may even demotivate you, that you might do something that might be of benefit to somebody else.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Allow me to make a prediction for you. <span> </span>If you continue not to care, life will not serve you, and indeed life and people and situations will all conspire against you. <span> </span>You will not win. <span> </span>I’m trying my best to motivate you with the truth.<span> </span>I’m appealing to your sense of entitlement; entitlement to get what you think you deserve, which is a good life.<span> </span>Care for others for a selfish motive (for all I care) and you will find that life will tend to work out better for you that way.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Just genuinely test this for three months and see how it works, and you’ll find it does work, because it is a wisdom of life.<span> </span>You might even find others reciprocating, and you may find that you will prosper from their genuine care.<span> </span>You may even experience true love, and I’m not talking about the romantic kind, here.<span> </span>Love is much, much more than the intimate and erotic kinds.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Let me finish with this:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">True love is about giving <br />to another because we want to.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">There is nothing more important <br />in life than doing this.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Indeed, it is what life is all about.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: repeat white; font-size: medium; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 24pt;"><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-54543909333833485182023-09-06T21:01:00.002+08:002023-09-06T21:01:47.127+08:00That very first AA meeting 20 years ago<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXUq0fJBRfybAboL-_qPQ5Bk-p4w02STyhHVUKCL8FtGGJABT61EX1wi_49iofOzdoX0KPmqxbm3s7hKHzAV8KQgvdcbflHVP4YPJ1_l82RrXWH9XcffFCH_K-zspjAB8tOFfIhb1Uh_HbT4_YzbfhNmoqXBZKUixNY7LN45rXemf978ls-I-buv04n9QU/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXUq0fJBRfybAboL-_qPQ5Bk-p4w02STyhHVUKCL8FtGGJABT61EX1wi_49iofOzdoX0KPmqxbm3s7hKHzAV8KQgvdcbflHVP4YPJ1_l82RrXWH9XcffFCH_K-zspjAB8tOFfIhb1Uh_HbT4_YzbfhNmoqXBZKUixNY7LN45rXemf978ls-I-buv04n9QU/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">24-hours after I first learned my first marriage was possibly ending (a month later it was gone), I was at my first AA meeting. It was September 23, 2003. This time 20 years ago as I track back in my diary, I had no idea the twist my life was about to take.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That first AA meeting was at the end of a day of firsts. Moving out of my family home and into my mother and father’s house, I’ll never forget hooking the trailer up and putting a few little things in it and driving off, a fair bit confused, trying to be stoic, and more than a little overwhelmed by it all. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I really did not have a clue what the next few days, weeks, and months would require of me—no idea at all. Definitely a case of ignorance is bliss. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Parking and walking through the doors of St Teresa’s Hall in Coolbellup was not daunting because my ex-wife had already summonsed my heart to attention—I was ready to quit the drink. So ready, years ready.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I remember meeting Graham, an older, wiser, sensible gentleman with much rectitude. He ushered me over to some little books and I bought one on the spot for $5. I was introduced to the guy who was running the meeting that night, talked for a bit, then sat down with the other 40 or so people there and then the meeting started.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">My mind flittered between being focused on what this was all about and wondering what on earth my life had become—in 24-hours. The previous night, having received the blunt direction that I was required to move out, I drove aimlessly around for nearly three hours blubbering tears of sheer blindsiding shock and numb grief. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I didn’t sleep much that night and sleep in that season was a premium. In fact, the lack of sleep meant my mental health spiralled acutely and the thread of deeper grief caused many nights of cataclysmic anguish.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That first night I was asked if I wanted to share. I’d heard a number of people share before I was asked. It seemed that you had the floor for 5-10 minutes so I opened up about my past 24-hours. I talked about how I’d planned to give up drinking for months. I was going to do it ‘my way’ but when my marriage seemed to be ending, push came to shove. I was at the meeting because I had no choice. I had to act now. Everyone listened intently. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">There’s no judgement at AA meetings, and there’s also little sympathy, the encouragement is to simply be honest. I was ready to be honest and, in following others’ lead, I took responsibility for what my life had become. Little did I know it at the time, but my taking responsibility was going to be a pivotal link to the freedom that lay before me over the days, weeks, months, and years to come.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Driving home from that meeting at around 9:15pm that night there was a mix of relief that I’d achieved something with a mix of a dawning reality of what lay before me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">20-years ago now, I reflect on a time that seems a long time ago but that also seems a close memory. I want to go back to that version of myself and pat my former self on the back for the work I was only just then embarking on. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I would need to be strong in my weakness, <br />and as it happened, I was.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">There are perhaps moments like this in all our lives. It’s good to go back in our minds and reflect on what endured and what has made us who we are today.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-533743096292697162023-09-02T21:12:00.004+08:002023-09-02T21:39:37.473+08:0050 reasons to be grateful in the past 7 days<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnQAlSvGMlu4_K8yGAfUvbXcrt3XFRJOBdPuEgCeGdCoim7tws6t74m7x6z8ocNyvn42P-Qkz_jq_byJk4aqmGTa_b3vVsCmSrKHVQwtJ-dTovu27mvpglFwW3DwV2AspcnFm67GWdXZz29K7AztLklv7tOAZ4OcpWufDz_6UvkeaGoCGffEj8V3Hl3_sn/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnQAlSvGMlu4_K8yGAfUvbXcrt3XFRJOBdPuEgCeGdCoim7tws6t74m7x6z8ocNyvn42P-Qkz_jq_byJk4aqmGTa_b3vVsCmSrKHVQwtJ-dTovu27mvpglFwW3DwV2AspcnFm67GWdXZz29K7AztLklv7tOAZ4OcpWufDz_6UvkeaGoCGffEj8V3Hl3_sn/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I’ve engaged in listing 100 reasons to be grateful before—a few times in fact.<span> </span>This time I’m going to do half.<span> </span>I will prove 50 reasons can easily be done, and I’m going to prove 50 reasons for gratitude can be gleaned out of reflecting over just one week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I’m going to list these in terms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful that I had a warm, dry, clean bed in each of the four motels I slept in this week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the clean water, and in many cases, bottled water, that I enjoyed and that kept my body hydrated and healthy.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the hot showers I had and the hot meals I was given whilst I was away from home.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Although my days were often 14-16 hours long, with travel and interactions and covering my business-as-usual, I did get an hour of downtime a day and six hours sleep most nights.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am most thankful for the rest I’m getting now after a very full last six days.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful that I know I need to rest to sustain my energies, that I won’t allow myself to burn out.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the amount and quality of the food I consumed, I am thankful that I got enough to eat but didn’t consume too much.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the loveliest steak I think I’ve tasted in a while (at the Iron Clad Hotel in Marble Bar), I appreciate this experience.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That my body, as far as I’m aware, was sustained healthily this past week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the warmth in the milder north, I am thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">SAFETY NEEDS<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful that in my week of travels, my family have been kept safe.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am indeed grateful that during these travels of 2,000 road kilometres and 3,000 kilometres by air that apart from one flat tyre it was incident free.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the safety and welfare my job intends to provide others, I am thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">14.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful for the life training that has been given to me to risk assess and keep myself safe.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">15.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the times I did take a risk, I am thankful that there was no incident.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">16.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the amount of corners and bends we and I negotiated safely on the roads.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">17.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That our tyres and suspension and steering and brakes keep us safe.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">18.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the applied knowledge of the safety I know in the situations this week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">19.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That none of our party experienced food poisoning, snake or spider bite.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">20.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That within my family, nobody died or were seriously ill this past seven days.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">BELONGING & LOVE NEEDS<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">21.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful for the fact that my family missed me and I missed them.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">22.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the love and laughter I enjoyed on the road with three colleagues, and for the bonds of mateship forged!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">23.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the many conversations that were had in the nights meeting brigades, groups and units, for the character of fire and emergency services people.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">24.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful for new friendships and connections.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">25.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am grateful for serendipitous meetings, one of which in the past seven days could only have been orchestrated by God.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">26.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For being inspired by several volunteer leaders who wear more than one hat, in particular to meet and get to know an incredible 34-year-old nurse who often juggles 3-4 roles and who always thinks of others.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">27.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the young lives who are touched by Cadet programs.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">28.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful for a work colleague who I can watch and admire for his skill and heart.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">29.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am grateful I get the honour of supporting four wonderful people in my work context.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">30.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful to be home.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">ESTEEM NEEDS<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">31.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful that I have made it to the end of a big week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">32.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful for the faith I showed in stepping out each challenging step this week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">33.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the people who helped me achieve what I did, and for those who trusted me to help, I am grateful.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">34.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am satisfied for the feelings of accomplishment I have enjoyed this week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">35.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the work set before me, to preach a message at church on wisdom, I am thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">36.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For the validation I received from others and for the validation I was able to give others, I am thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">37.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That I don’t need to be perfect in my world to be accepted brings me delight.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">38.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That more than a few times this past week I marvelled at others’ accomplishments, including meeting and working with a two-times World’s Toughest Firefighter!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">39.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am positively amazed that neither did I lose or break anything nor did I forget anything of significance this past week.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">40.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am super thankful that I was “enough” this week, and for two individuals in particular, perhaps I was “more than enough”.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">SELF-ACTUALISATION<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">41.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am thankful that in the past seven days, even though many moments were challenging, I am actually living my best life in the role best for me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">42.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">As I got news that I would be going to the School event “A-Z of Growing Up” with my son, I realised what a privilege it will be to attend, and how wonderful it has been to go through the transition to adulthood with my fourth child.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">43.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I am grateful that the last seven days is a capstone of the last seven years.<span> </span>It took seven years to reach this point.<span> </span>I’m glad I kept going!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">44.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That in talking to one of my daughters, I realise I am free within my relationships with my children, that we offer this freedom freely to one another.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">45.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That I have borne witness this week to three people in my family who have reached levels of self-actualisation who I am very proud of.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">46.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In looking over at my wife, I realise I have all I need in a life partner.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">47.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In reflecting over the presentations I have made over the past week, I really believe in the message I’m giving because I’m actually living it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">48.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In one situation this past week, I have been able to help someone reach a level of self-actualisation in their life.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">49.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The text messages I received this week (and often receive) from my eldest daughter affirmed me in ways that I never dared imagine.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">50.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Perhaps most important, I realised this week that I do not need to achieve any more in life to be fulfilled.<span> </span>My life is full already.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: repeat white; font-size: medium; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 24pt;"><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-40229694103827551362023-08-27T21:34:00.002+08:002023-08-27T21:34:07.797+08:00Grief is a long and lonely ordeal<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmQTkyR6CXFdf_IU7zutx2pd1EO5QRVEY019JhqK3pPaSqWmnUwFwvRZZDYN643vAWaFhA8rJcH3SvlMhBv11OtHwS2ovO6B2eT_wUJSzmO-_HDcOlb192Y30ergkVvZzWfwhXmsBYd7wWmQc8UMz4-5U3hPyEQdCtV4MRgz_Hd0-UNSgl9d6X-hhZBi3-/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmQTkyR6CXFdf_IU7zutx2pd1EO5QRVEY019JhqK3pPaSqWmnUwFwvRZZDYN643vAWaFhA8rJcH3SvlMhBv11OtHwS2ovO6B2eT_wUJSzmO-_HDcOlb192Y30ergkVvZzWfwhXmsBYd7wWmQc8UMz4-5U3hPyEQdCtV4MRgz_Hd0-UNSgl9d6X-hhZBi3-/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">As I reflect on one year since Mum passed away, I know it’s been a year, a full 365-days, and it’s neither the feeling that it’s been that long or even that it’s been short. But I do know from this vantage point, having lost a parent is partly both a loss and a gain of the self. Part of myself is gone, no longer to be touched and heard and felt except via the memory. But part of myself is invited to go forth beyond Mum’s existence.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I guess as look back, one year on, apart from my own family, Mum is essentially forgotten.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That might be harsh to say, but my Mum lived for her family, and unless others remind me that they acknowledge she is gone, she does feel forgotten, and that doesn’t seem fair, even if it is inevitable. She will never be forgotten by those who have her blood and that’s the main thing.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">When I say that grief is a long and lonely ordeal, I mean that it doesn’t end. If I go on another 30 or 40 years (and I hope I do), I will ever miss Mum. I know this because Mum outlived her own mother nearly 32 years and never stopped missing her. And believe you me, Mum was very comfortable going to that feelings place.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Grief is a lonely ordeal in that it is long and there is an inherent inability to resolve it. All anyone can do is accept that loss involves losing in the permanent sense.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I see so much courage in my family as they live on beyond Mum’s loss. Each has their way of coping and moving on with their life. But each of us is pragmatic enough that we can talk about Mum and relate old stories that make us either laugh or ponder.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But one thing for sure, though grief is long and lonely, it is trustworthy, it is no foe, it is a safe space for one’s enduring sadness. Perhaps this enduring sadness is best for taking us to the eternal spaces where there are no answers, just more questions.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Depths of sorrow take us to nether places and those regions are sublime and unfathomable. Though death takes us there, life is ever copious because of the living depths we are invited into and to partake of. These spiritual realities are vast and safe, and linger on the palate of the soul. One can live there. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Whatever, however long and lonely grief is, it is well with my soul, because it must be left to eternity.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-10471051840914965482023-08-25T07:56:00.004+08:002023-08-25T08:32:13.163+08:0020 years of sobriety and new life<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7nI5CfhFoVvptFOAUOCapWuqxObww8R32m3VscRGqQV7UMHKZTlQmw-P7JvvGwBC_MYBTsMX0FFm8bmv3NeHEGWRiIpT490LZBmL77oRDib-EJhmmXzGiN_maIc8RuBjkXiEu2hJ9L8eR2If7DKHTV9xvG8pFhCbLT6cGM1KoG3ygoARnvaBiOaujO-5B/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7nI5CfhFoVvptFOAUOCapWuqxObww8R32m3VscRGqQV7UMHKZTlQmw-P7JvvGwBC_MYBTsMX0FFm8bmv3NeHEGWRiIpT490LZBmL77oRDib-EJhmmXzGiN_maIc8RuBjkXiEu2hJ9L8eR2If7DKHTV9xvG8pFhCbLT6cGM1KoG3ygoARnvaBiOaujO-5B/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">This day 20 years ago I had the first waking clue that my life was about to be upended in three weeks’ time—my 13-year marriage was about to end overnight. My daughters at the time were 11, 8, and 5.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It hadn’t been an overnight process for my then-wife; it had been months in the making. In those days I was wedded to my job as a safety and security manager for a global-brand oil company, travelling the vast country at the whim of my employer and to satisfy my clamorous ambition. In those days I wouldn’t do marriage counselling—didn’t think it was required. I was sorely mistaken. It’s ironic now that I’ve counselled over 50 couples as a couple’s counsellor. It’s also ironic that in those days I managed an alcohol and other drug program, breathalysing truck and train drivers when I was the one who had the problem.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">20 years ago today I was still trying to understand how I could control my overuse and abuse of alcohol. I used it to destress from a work life that had a course of its own. In those days I didn’t have the capacity (or desire) to feel my emotions—instead I loved pleasure and would numb my feelings and feel the euphoria of tipsiness, tobacco, and top it off with a little marijuana.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Pleasure was my weakness.<br />It dominated my second 18 years.<br />But not my third 18...<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">These days, and for the past 20 years, I’ve been stone-cold sober, and it has been <b>THE BEST life</b>. Not only have there been no regrets, but there have also been unequivocal joys, amid many realms of gratitude untold. Not that life in the past 20 years has been without pain—separation, rejection, loneliness, divorce, career transitions, workplace trauma, child loss and grief amongst others.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">BUT. I have not one single regret for having QUIT drinking all those 20 years ago. Not one. Not one hangover have I had. Not one embarrassing encounter to regret because of my drinking. Not one single thing to cover up because of my drinking. Not one day where I would need to change a narrative or manipulate a plan just to drink. Not one seedy morning. Not one day worrying about my overuse and abuse of alcohol. Not one day feeling paranoid driving to work because of the alcohol I consumed the night before. Not one single day of agonising when and how I was going to wrest control from the demon drink—and the drink was a demon to me. Not a day concerned about the health consequences I was reckoning for myself in bathing my organs in a carcinogen. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Not one.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In the genesis of my recovery from alcohol I spent 11 months in AA, attending 159 meetings, most weeks attending 4-5 meetings a week. In many of those meetings I shared my story in the 10-minutes generally allowed, so many times saying, “Hi everyone, I’m Steve and I’m an alcoholic.” Sharing my story like this, honesty was applauded because that is where the power is at. The last six months of my time in AA I was secretary of the Kwinana Town Group. I opened up each Thursday night and set everything up, tea, coffee, biscuits, welcomed newcomers, invited someone to chair the meeting, the last to leave having tidied up. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I was so grateful to be free, <br />free from the drink and any resentment, <br />to have benefitted from age old wisdom, <br />to have had the opportunity to serve. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In a paradoxical world, service is freedom.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">My journey as an “AA” started the night after my marriage ended. I needed the fellowship of AA more to get through the grief of losing my wife, home, and family as it was than I needed AA to recover from alcoholism. AA connected me with its tenets: <b>RECOVERY</b> (in my case, not only from alcohol, but more in terms from grief), <b>UNITY</b> with others especially wiser men and women I needed, and <b>SERVICE</b>—I learned a servant heart principally from AA not the church.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">20 years later and I look back on a couple of decades with a grateful bittersweetness that comes from a period of life that has had countless astonishing ups and myriad calamitous downs. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Yet, by faith, especially as I look back, <br />God has been with me every step of the way!<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Even through the rock bottom sleepless pain-riddled nights crying myself eventually to sleep because I missed my wife and kids so much. Even through those jarring moments of panic in broad daylight as I bore the stark reality of my seemingly hopeless circumstance. Even as it was so clear that one life had ended and another life that I at times resisted had begun. Even as I existed solely for God, my girls, my parents, my family. I had little of the material world left, and the paradox is there was freedom in that. Not much more could be taken away from me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Even though I’m often overwhelmed with my workload these days, I am so grateful that my life has turned out, that I DID recover, that I arrived at many forms of reconciliation.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">20 years ago today, my parents had no idea how much they would be called upon to listen to a broken son. But they never missed a beat, as they have always been, right there in the thick of it for their entire family. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It’s a year since Mum died, <br />and in honour to her, <br />I say, Thank you, Mum.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">My message to you in this: <br />you that perhaps may be struggling today;<br />hold on by your faith and hope that things <br />will turn for the best, because they will.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That’s the message that my <br />Mum always communicated.<br />Hold on, you will make it through.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Today also marks one year since we <br />learned Mum had just days to live. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Rest with Jesus and all <br />our lost precious ones, Mum, love you.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-46961111151758788292023-08-15T18:40:00.005+08:002023-08-15T18:55:25.317+08:002 key decisions to direct our daily destiny<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-C7n9mA4cHBH8Ohl3Yr8tbspo4c2LLIHq_EpPI87oZWm20lF39GN5hLkU8F4gztneswQCQNcOMWonJ0gehijknIVBYuI3p2lsCqU9xlHLYPFp7sPNyKHxa7MbOKlk28vf_8D6VU5V086ybY4DIvP7V2djDYsvgsNO8J0sJ10EtTRd7VXER9GAEHhQrN-/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-C7n9mA4cHBH8Ohl3Yr8tbspo4c2LLIHq_EpPI87oZWm20lF39GN5hLkU8F4gztneswQCQNcOMWonJ0gehijknIVBYuI3p2lsCqU9xlHLYPFp7sPNyKHxa7MbOKlk28vf_8D6VU5V086ybY4DIvP7V2djDYsvgsNO8J0sJ10EtTRd7VXER9GAEHhQrN-/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I’ll never forget one of my pastoral mentors saying, “you cannot formularise faith,” nearly 20 years back now.<span> </span>There’s no magic bullet, no secret to life.<span> </span>There are just too many nuances and exceptions to rules to be considered. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But this doesn’t stop us searching for some ‘holy grail’ that can help us master this journey called life. <span> </span>It is inbuilt in many of us to search for the ‘secret to life’.<span> </span>I believe God put that instinct inside us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Here is my attempt to formularise a way of thinking that helps.<span> </span>It involves fully exploring two decisions and holding the tensions between the two.<span> </span>They are two opposites.<span> </span>Two equally occurring truths.<span> </span>Dichotomies if you like.<span> </span>Bridging the tensions is wisdom.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">These two decisions are:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><i><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">What do I have control over and how do I take the initiative?<br />~AND~<br />What do I not have control over and need to work to accept?<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Life’s destiny is often rooted in both questions, sometimes it is more of one and at other times it is more of the other.<span> </span>Knowing what’s in our wheelhouse from that which doesn’t concern us is crucial. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I’d venture to say that wisdom is in the hands of those who answer both these questions the best they can as they journey life’s path.<span> </span>I’d also say that these two decisions must ultimately be borne on a person’s operating philosophy for life—their modus operandi.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Simply put, to enrol in this wisdom it must truly <br />become CORE to our inner belief system.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">To achieve this wisdom, <br />it must become part of who we are <br />and intrinsically part of ALL we do.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Let’s assess these two questions in turn:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none; text-transform: uppercase;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px; text-transform: uppercase;">WHAT DO I HAVE CONTROL OVER?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">How (and when) do I take the initiative?<span> </span>This is the courage, action-oriented <b>diligence</b> of wisdom.<span> </span>This is what the psychologists call the <b>Internal Locus of Control</b>: <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The belief that one has control over the outcomes <br />that are important to his or her own life.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">For those who are arranged by the externals of life, who don’t feel they have control over the outcomes that are important to their life, a radical disempowerment is experienced.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Sure, one of the biggest challenges is the paradox <br />that we are not in control of many things.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But there are a good many things that ARE <br />within our control; those we must own.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The opportunity here, therefore, is to DECIDE <b>what</b> will be important to us.<span> </span>Will something that is well out of our control be important to us?<span> </span>Or will we keep our interest and concerns to those things that are always in our control?<span> </span>These are the things we think, what we say, what we do, where we invest our energies, what our focus is, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Whatever is important to us <br />must be within our control.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The degree of our success is <br />the measure of our maturity.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">See how we’re merging the things that are personally important with those things that are well within our control?<span> </span><b>This is wisdom.</b><span> </span>If we were to consider those things that are out of our control as vitally important to us, pressure builds, anxiety runs, and we waste our precious and finite resources of energy—on the wrong things, things we cannot affect.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">What is important, overall, are those things that are key to our success and the success of those we know and care about.<span> </span>We must take responsibility for those things that WE must personally do—to ensure our personal success and the success of others who depend on us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Regarding those things we think, say, and do,<br />over these things we must ever remain true.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: white; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 24.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -36.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-ligatures: none; text-transform: uppercase;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px; text-transform: uppercase;">WHAT DO I <u>NOT</u> HAVE CONTROL OVER?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Opposite to the above is the restraint to accept what we can never change.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">What do I need to work to accept?<span> </span>There’s stuff in this for us all.<span> </span>This is in essence the other part of wisdom; this is where the virtue of <b>prudence</b> looms large.<span> </span>And this really is a massive part of wisdom that is impossible to master—it can only be practiced imperfectly.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The quest of living ‘by faith’ <br />posits acceptance as surrender.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">That is, in having faith in God, let’s say, we release our grip of control to our higher power such that our refusal to stubbornly insist on having things our own way would help us lead lightly.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But ‘letting go and letting God’ is easier said than done, and besides, we don’t always know how best to apply this philosophy and practice of surrender.<span> </span>Sometimes we surrender when we shouldn’t.<span> </span>Sometimes we fail to surrender when we should.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Being able to resist controlling that which <br />we cannot control is sensible living.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The key is being cognisant in our instinct and our early order decision making, right at the point where we might otherwise be triggered.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The truth is, accepting things in theory is a different thing to accepting things in practice.<span> </span>Wisdom is applied intelligence, it’s not just knowhow.<span> </span>Being able to let things occur that we don’t like isn’t easy.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">A prior commitment to surrender is crucial, and this is all borne on the humility of the heart, which is a character trait that takes years to develop.<span> </span>There are no shortcuts.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">This is why wisdom is applied intelligence <br />that makes a fool of the theorist. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Humility is the bedrock of growth in wisdom.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">This article can easily be summed up in the Serenity Prayer:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: repeat white; font-size: medium; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 24pt;"><style class="WebKit-mso-list-quirks-style">
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</style>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-1379082273932296072023-07-31T21:14:00.004+08:002023-07-31T21:15:06.829+08:00Enduring the Conscious Agony in Grief<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaKsLQfRqwDtBnuMXCIYwWiOqGX6erANDg47858MBgWIjZnG7QFcWiI28aULmBrAf0uQGk8A292itvIaIguhKBTHG2cAFM8qnoiWTFjt9M1k7IfZuITWrOtdWzPMitK-ZNMwnpjZvBqo6DC4m2O3tYRcPwoM-2YzYRlBw-V7OwSRrXA1ZOYViAiNGTOeEs/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaKsLQfRqwDtBnuMXCIYwWiOqGX6erANDg47858MBgWIjZnG7QFcWiI28aULmBrAf0uQGk8A292itvIaIguhKBTHG2cAFM8qnoiWTFjt9M1k7IfZuITWrOtdWzPMitK-ZNMwnpjZvBqo6DC4m2O3tYRcPwoM-2YzYRlBw-V7OwSRrXA1ZOYViAiNGTOeEs/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I wrote the following poem and accompaniment ten years ago, which was also ten years after the time I was experiencing the conscious agony of grief in the grave hues of the dark night of the soul.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">A poem called, <i>“When I Awoke, All There Was, Was Pain”</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Dark clouds they emerged from the horizon,<br />As if the enormity of despair weren’t nearly enough,<br />In my unconsciousness there was serenity,<br />But now I’m awake ‘life’ returns and it’s tough!<br />In slumber there was no hell that suffocated me,<br />But now I lay here bewildered and glum,<br />Times like this I wonder why life came to be this way,<br />Times like this I just feel so totally numb.<br />Then years wore on,<br />And I got over my grief,<br />I went from strength to strength,<br />Because I found my relief.<br />But one reflective moment,<br />In my mind’s eye,<br />I’m back there on my bed,<br />Feeling like I’ll die.<br />I’ll never forget,<br />The sorrow of pain,<br />To lay their speechless,<br />And feel I was going insane.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The pain of grief is torture – as is manifest in waking up to reality, yet again. In that living hell which is the panic received in awakening to the nightmare that life has descended to, there is hope, but only in God, a God who comes close by faith.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But there is no answer that comes close. The only thing we can do is wait-out or out-wait the pain – to endure it – and the only way we can do that, with sustainability, is to go to God and go to the people of God we can rely upon.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But it won’t be easy. It will be the hardest thing we ever did. But we can endure it by simply enduring it, a day at a time, a moment, one moment at a time. We must allow the pain to break us and in that, let God reshape us. There is no sense in kicking against the goads. The goads are to our advantage if we don’t resent them!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><b><u><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px; text-transform: uppercase;">WHAT TO DO WHEN WE CAN’T SLEEP FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES</span></u></b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px; text-transform: uppercase;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We can’t sleep for the rest of our lives, though in the depression of grief we will tend to oversleep or drastically undersleep. We are understood and forgiven for wanting to sleep through the dark night of the soul, and not being able to sleep is its own cruel torture.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Getting up and getting on with our lives is about recognising that things can still be done, even though life, for a time, is hell. There’s no disputing it. But reality is gracious enough to allow us to plod away and make some headway, even if it feels like we’ve been thrown into the pit forever.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Grief is long, it is dark, it is tough, it is despairing, but it also causes us to reach out in desperation, prepared to hope for anything to pave the way to life. Grief can motivate to innovate in climbing out of the pit of depression.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">If we are wise, we will congregate around people we find supportive. Just spending time with them, as individuals and in psychologically safe community, with those we trust and feel safe with, will help an enormous amount.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We know we can’t bury our heads in the sand. There are times for wallowing a while, but there are times also for breaking out and taking a risk.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We know we need to get on with the business of life at some point. Gently, we set little goals and we receive encouragement for the little things that are a big deal in the context of recovery.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In the shock of grief, in the despair, when we don’t want to wake up, but we know we must, it pays to do little things to survive, and to get close to the people we know and trust and feel safe with.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-82215145659037299122023-07-24T22:05:00.001+08:002023-07-24T22:13:40.948+08:00Bearing graciously the injustices of life<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Ui28hERvf_6PYOjTIcCPByaJoaB9bxalM5xlRyFV_n3lKYrqTP6yiM7RM4AAWC9s4IgEMsi_UF3KcPZkrzrx1qBaO4tnn4OSFBpc9Vr2sV9G7gK-q7o4UjfdT_sSTcwubvkcaTVijKbA_54_DFhA8SMTziVVfsPTW4Y6l45UcyZgA1mw1CgPc3DhY3i7/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Ui28hERvf_6PYOjTIcCPByaJoaB9bxalM5xlRyFV_n3lKYrqTP6yiM7RM4AAWC9s4IgEMsi_UF3KcPZkrzrx1qBaO4tnn4OSFBpc9Vr2sV9G7gK-q7o4UjfdT_sSTcwubvkcaTVijKbA_54_DFhA8SMTziVVfsPTW4Y6l45UcyZgA1mw1CgPc3DhY3i7/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Good things happen in all our lives, yet it’s only a matter of time before the good things we are given are taken away. The nature of life is just until it isn’t. We may either be thankful or feel entitled to the good things we get, yet inevitably, we are challenged when injustice strikes, because it always feels unfair.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It feels like it shouldn’t happen to us.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We feel unappreciated, fooled, transgressed.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">How are we to forgive these injustices when they occur?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">In other terms, how are we to move on having been floored?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Usually it’s a person or people that is behind it, so often there is a target for our resentment. I’ve always been surprised at how little it takes for resentment to rise, for resentment is common to humanity.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">How are we to deal with those things <br />that occur that we feel are unfair?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">As a truism, whatever we focus on becomes bigger.</span></b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;"> We are allowed to feel hurt when unexpected injustices arrive on our doorstep. Those who love us will understand without encouraging us to dwell in unhelpful spaces. The normal mental and emotional processing task usually takes any of us a day or two to process what comes as an initial shock to our system. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We are all human beings, <br />and none of us is expected to respond well <br />emotionally when we are blindsided.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Allowing ourselves a human response to injustice <br />is a way of being gracious with ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It is the first step towards the ongoing process of graciousness in meeting injustice in a redemptive rather than a destructive way.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Meeting injustice with anything productive is a seriously hard thing to do.</span></b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;"> Much of the time we don’t have a clue how to respond, especially when it is anger that we feel which is perplexing to overcome. We feel that the injustice has forced our hand and our choice is taken away from us. This is why it is right to allow ourselves to feel the ugly emotions. To give ourselves that permission without succumbing to judging or condemning ourselves or attacking others. Without succumbing to fight or flight.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">To simply feel the pain of the injustice <br />without reacting can be tricky.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We use our higher mind to avoid reacting. <br />As much as is possible.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">As we engage in sitting WITH <br />the truth of the pain we experience, <br />acknowledging we cannot ‘fix’ it, <br />there, even there, we are growing — <br />in acceptance, in maturity, in resilience.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Especially when we don’t feel we are growing. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Another opportunity we can reconcile with injustice is in accepting that injustices do and will occur, and that none of us escape the plight of resentment that unfolds. We do not need to feel duped or ashamed or exposed in being dealt a harsh blow. But we will, indeed, feel painful, awkward, and uncomfortable emotions. Injustice is the lot of all at some point in time.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">But injustice tends to isolate us whereby we feel we are the only ones poorly treated. If only we can remind ourselves that everyone has their turn at injustice. We are not being isolated, even if it feels like we are being isolated in a particular way in the here and now.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Bearing graciously the injustices of life, we come to expect that they will occur, and that we will never enjoy them. We can prepare as much as we can, but like in all forms of loss, there is always a surprise element, and that surprise element is what we feel is the hardest. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Injustice is loss. <br />We will never enjoy it. <br />But we can go gently with ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Injustice may take us to anger in a flash.<br />Just the same, injustice can take us to humility.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Humility is the bedrock of growth.<br />See how injustice is an instrument of growth.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-47078122565742836252023-05-25T21:31:00.004+08:002023-05-25T21:44:19.901+08:00There are TWO in this relationship<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihXV0-Z-oP2fkQoAzUrnHa5MorzhXbHV88vn6vyUK3tjXvgy1eUpYGEf6gEL57CkUKUgQxUcNP770Q5o2Y9fBGBSwB9cB6Lrox9x-vzeTv1Rq7LPru1YJx0Rv_tXS5geIQQqrfN7c0Cmo_Zo3kd5v2q3LFtsuhIOHLbUmQ2kvZDqS8Y9k0Sk6UHwsGlQ/s1687/Slide1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihXV0-Z-oP2fkQoAzUrnHa5MorzhXbHV88vn6vyUK3tjXvgy1eUpYGEf6gEL57CkUKUgQxUcNP770Q5o2Y9fBGBSwB9cB6Lrox9x-vzeTv1Rq7LPru1YJx0Rv_tXS5geIQQqrfN7c0Cmo_Zo3kd5v2q3LFtsuhIOHLbUmQ2kvZDqS8Y9k0Sk6UHwsGlQ/s320/Slide1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We have all been in relationships that went one way—their way. Yet, whether relationships thrive, survive, or die, there are two—there are always two.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Relationships cannot be a one-way street <br />where one person always has priority.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Relationships are the opposite of the system enshrined in criminal law, which is “innocent until proven guilty.” Relationships always work on the premise that others are guilty until they are proven innocent. This is shown by the fact that we must ordinarily EARN the respect of another to be respected.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We must always win their respect <br />before we are trusted, <br />and there are good reasons for this.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We err and set up boundaries for those who have not proven their trustworthiness or who have a record of untrustworthiness.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It only stands to reason that, being creatures of choice and free will, we would set up our lives to ensure they can succeed. An inherent part of this success is our personal psychological safety and that of those we care about. Wherever we cannot guarantee that psychological safety, we create systems and barriers like boundaries to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. Everyone does it. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">We cannot get upset if we feel closed out.<br />If someone does not trust us, <br />they have their reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Part of being capable for relationship is <br />being able to respect and accept boundaries.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">This requires the psychological ability to be ADULT.<br />Not all adults have the psychological ability to be ADULT.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The psychological ability of an ADULT <br />is the capacity to be these five things: <br />LOGICAL<br />REASONABLE<br />RATIONAL<br />RELIABLE<br />REALISTIC<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Wherever we cannot accept or respect another person’s boundaries we stand to be further sanctioned. It’s not that the sanctioner is bad. They are just protecting their lot, and that’s their role. Again, everyone who demands their psychological safety does it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">To be in a relationship—any relationship—and not respect boundaries is relational treason. People who cannot respect boundaries are betrayers of what is good and decent.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">When people transgress boundaries at will, they say to the other person, “Look, take note, I cannot and will not respect your boundaries, so live with it!” Any reasonable and good thinking person will create distance between themselves and someone like this.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">What is maddening about this phenomenon is those who insist that people bend to their whims at all times also will NOT receive any feedback and don’t have any capacity to change.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Only those who can understand and accept when a person does not feel psychologically safe proves they are capable of holding a trusting and mutual-satisfying relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">It’s like we must scream it from <br />the rooftops for it to be heard: <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">There are TWO in this relationship, <br />so why is everything going one way?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">And yet, as I said, it’s only those who are capable of relating who can hear this.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">If you are a person who has had people push you away, give yourself some introspection time. Could it be? This could be your time to see the truth and repent.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">My motive in writing this is to equip people to relate better, more safely, and in ways that respects the space they are entering. I’m prepared to risk upsetting you if it will mean you might move into a space where you are psychologically safer for others.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The irony in all this is those who are psychologically safe for relationships already reflect and see their wrongs and they are avid in correcting those wrongs. But people like this cannot do ALL the work in the relationship—they can only do their own work, and the shortfall cannot be left as theirs.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 24pt;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">I’m at a place in my life where I simply won’t relate, or waste my time, with those who have an agenda where there’s room only for their exploitation of me and the situations we share. Entitlement is the square peg in the round hole of relationships. Empathy must run two ways if the relationship is to be sustained longer term.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717782725838763928.post-80417888347255779962023-05-15T19:43:00.002+08:002023-05-15T19:59:23.649+08:00The role of responsibility in love relationships<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2j82D7-6HH4pe0WFtGPz4yudpKrNqughoBFBbYnn0MmCM1oO4Am84s75ge5obEyNDGfTX8w6qyIhbpoCwfKu11Cyn0WLW7qnftaUg6Viy2tvBZom_c1N4Y7ezrpJK1P0Bxki9VS7A126hkDie_QPLnh6mFSwnkFRtfekrPMoib2t23g2cFQtJUMJdTQ/s1687/car34.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="1687" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2j82D7-6HH4pe0WFtGPz4yudpKrNqughoBFBbYnn0MmCM1oO4Am84s75ge5obEyNDGfTX8w6qyIhbpoCwfKu11Cyn0WLW7qnftaUg6Viy2tvBZom_c1N4Y7ezrpJK1P0Bxki9VS7A126hkDie_QPLnh6mFSwnkFRtfekrPMoib2t23g2cFQtJUMJdTQ/s320/car34.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">This article has been brewing for a little while.<u1:p></u1:p> It is birthed out of an article I wrote last year titled, <a href="https://tribework.blogspot.com/2022/01/unequal-yoking-in-relationships.html" style="color: #954f72;">Unequal Yoking of Love in Relationships</a>. The essence of what I’m discussing here is marriage relationships only survive, and deliver the happiness they promise, when both partners follow marriage as a lifelong calling to be responsible persons.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Four features of responsible persons in marriage relationships are:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">HONESTY</span></b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;"> – a responsible person takes responsibility for their own emotions and behaviour, for their thoughts and how those thoughts turn into words and deeds. Acknowledging they are imperfect, the responsible person apologises promptly and sincerely when they get it wrong, and they engage in the work of change when bad patterns arise. Of all characteristics, honesty is set apart as the superpower of capability in the field of relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Honesty at its source is the one and only capacity needed to maintain a life of integrity, in unity with, and in service to, others. It is key to good character.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Honesty ought to beget honesty. If one partner’s honesty doesn’t elicit the other partner’s honesty, the honest partner (the responsible one) misses out, and the marriage is unequally yoked in its capacity for the taking of responsibility. An honest marriage partner feels alone when coupled with a dishonest partner.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">TRUSTWORTHY</span></b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;"> – there is sufficient integrity in a responsible person that they are capable of being trusted, that they carry out their promises, that there is alignment between what they say and what they do. A responsible person’s trustworthiness affords their marriage partner a level of confidence that delivers freedom and safety. There is nothing like feeling you “belong” in marriage with an actual partner—someone who is capable of giving like you give, who desires to be generous as you do.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Trustworthiness ought to beget trustworthiness. If one partner’s trustworthiness doesn’t elicit the other partner’s trustworthiness, the trustworthy partner (the responsible one) misses out, and the marriage is unequally yoked in its capacity for the taking of responsibility. A sole trustworthy marriage partner often feels betrayed and cheated in what is supposed to be a partnership.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">EMPATHY</span></b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;"> – a responsible person given to marriage has sufficient mental and emotional space for another person and, indeed, other people (plural). They are capable of trying on their partner’s shoes, of being “in” their partner so-to-speak that they can feel for and identify with what their partner is dealing with. Without empathy, a marriage struggles, for partners need to feel like their partner feels what they feel—that they understand. Empathy is different to compassion (which is also important) in that it compels compassion into some sort of responsible action. Empathy is compassion made visible.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Empathy ought to beget empathy. If one partner’s empathy doesn’t elicit the other partner’s empathy, the empathetic partner (the responsible one) misses out, and the marriage is unequally yoked in its capacity for both partners’ taking of responsibility. A sole empathetic marriage partner feels used and abused in what is supposed to be a partnership.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">One sign of an unhealthy relationship that is unequally yoked is one partner is characterised as being more or less empathetic and the other is characterised as being more or less entitled. At the extremes this is the coupling of empath with narcissist. The empath enables the narcissistic behaviour, but the narcissistic behaviour would not surface if they were capable of being a responsible human being. Empaths are exploited by the entitled.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">DILIGENT</span></b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;"> – responsible persons are intrinsically capable of being diligent. They take care to do what they need to do to ensure their life serves and the lives of those they love are served. The diligent person is not a workaholic. They do the RIGHT work, which often means they do the unglamorous things. Whilst many fathers are like this, it is mainly mothers who are in this set.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Diligence ought to beget diligence. If one partner’s diligence doesn’t elicit the other partner’s diligence, the diligent partner (the responsible one) misses out, and the marriage is unequally yoked in its capacity for both partners’ taking of responsibility. A sole diligent marriage partner feels alone in what is supposed to be a partnership.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">The irresponsible partner is essentially lax and lazy. They do not do what they could do to ensure the family is prepared to succeed. They don’t respond well or quickly enough. The family does not thrive if there is one partner who is diligent when the other isn’t. The diligent partner just gets burnt out.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">~<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 32px; margin: 0cm 0cm 30pt;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 37.333332px;">Good marriages feature two responsible persons in partnership. Both are of good consistent character. Both are capable of honesty, trustworthiness, empathy, and both work hard in the marriage for the marriage and family.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Steve Wickhamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00921698153004851275noreply@blogger.com0