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Saturday, April 25, 2020

Interlinkages within trauma, addiction and narcissism

This article is a difficult one to write, because those who have most abuse and trauma in their background, those who haven’t yet managed to find healing in their lives, may end up having some of the biggest issues with addiction, and may behave narcissistically.
Big disclaimer: I know many advocates that may have a problem with what I’ve just said, and most people who have dealt with abuse have been abused by narcissists.  It doesn’t mean they are or have become narcissistic.  It’s just that trauma tends to create addiction issues and narcissistic behaviour can be a result.
I don’t want to call those who have been traumatised, narcissists.  I don’t want to say that trauma generates addiction issues. But what I can say is the trauma complicates life to such a degree that there are often issues of addiction, and narcissistic qualities do unfortunately tend to go with the whole gamut of that.
There are of course what I would call pattern narcissists, who don’t manifest many or any of the features of typical trauma, in that they seem perfectly within control of themselves, and I suppose it’s the sociopaths and psychopaths who are most notable in this corner.
Of course, trauma has played a part in the development of these, but these types may not typically be known by their addictive qualities.  They are calculating individuals with a very great deal of self-control in many cases.  If they are angry it is because they choose to be angry.
The ones we are interested in here, however, don’t feature that kind of self-control.
This article is most interested in the interlinkage between the three facets: trauma, addiction, and narcissism, i.e. where they interlink.
NOT YOUR TYPICAL NARCISSIST
For me, narcissism is always about the three Es: a lack of (or zero) empathy, the propensity to exploit, and the felt entitlement to do just that.
For my way of thinking, if a person has trauma in their background and they have addiction issues, whilst they might behave narcissistically, I wouldn’t necessarily call them narcissists.
They typically have some range for empathy, and many actually have a lot of empathy, and may be more sensitive than most, which of course has predisposed them to greater negative affect to trauma in the first place.
Those who bear a history of trauma and use their addictions as a way of coping through their life don’t generally exploit people and situations because they feel they have a right to do so; it’s more out of the necessity to get their ‘fix’ or arrange their life in such a way that bad does not become worse.
But, of course, there are those that break this rule.  Those who more easily intentionally exploit people and situations, I’m afraid, are narcissists.
If a person feels that they have little control over the way they do their violence, whilst their anger is a massive issue, and does need to be addressed, and you do need to be safe, there may not be such entitlement in them that they feel they can abuse you and get away with it.
Having said this, there is also a colossal issue in the inability of narcissists in general to take responsibility, as they blame others, and engage in gaslighting.
HOPE
Those who behave narcissistically, but aren’t actually narcissists, can be reached, but it really is up to the individual in terms of whether they can change or not.
Those who can change tend to do so because they have the capacity to be honest.
Only through ruthless honesty is there any hope to wrest the addiction away from the addict in order that they may begin to work through their trauma.
If a person seeks to change, it is good to support them in that change.  I know personally, and have seen it occur a great deal in others’ lives, that that support can be and often is a game changer.


Photo by Jeremy Vessey on Unsplash

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