The gifts of empathy and understanding

Truly understanding another human being is like seeing the entirety of an iceberg.  Much of the mass of an iceberg sits invisible below the surface of the icy waters.  The archetypal iceberg is much bigger in mass below the surface.  Only the smaller portion exists visible to the eye.

The metaphor of the iceberg is helpful for understanding empathy.  The more we see of the iceberg, the more we know its true mass, structure, and features.

The more we understand another person,
the more we can choose to empathise. 

When we more fully understand
and appreciate another human being,
we are positioned then to empathise.

But it also takes empathy to
achieve a fuller understanding.

Empathy is the capacity for one human being to understand and feel for another.  But empathy is also the behaviour of demonstrating care from the understanding gleaned.  Understanding comes first.

Understanding is the full iceberg.  It comes from the empathy of interest in the other person; the curiosity and integrity of interest for the right reasons.

THE HEART BEHIND EMPATHY

The heart is what underlies empathy — the WANT or the motivation to understand another person.  But many people have absolutely no inclination to do so. 

The heart in Old Testament terms is ‘the seat of the emotions’ — the heart is the basis of all our motivation or want to do anything.  This is a thing that we must personally see the inherent benefit of — to do it. 

The heart behind empathy is the WANT
or desire to see others prosper or be blessed.  

Only people who already feel blessed
have the capacity to willingly empathise. 

Only when we truly understand the power of giving our love away to the extent of empathy, do we fully grasp and take hold of the abundant life any of us can have at any time. 

Giving empathy is therefore a key indicator and evidence of full emotional health in a person in the realm of relationships.  It is not only wisdom to engage in it.  Demonstrated empathy is a gift to both the receiver and giver.

COMMITTING TO A FULLER UNDERSTANDING 

Making the sacrifices necessary to fully understand another person is worth it.  But it’s like the chicken and the egg — what comes first?  Empathy or understanding?  

To fully invest ourselves in understanding another, we must have sufficient security of worth within ourselves first.  Who gives the precious gift of authentic empathy without first having a safe sense of self? 

Seeking a full understanding of
another involves an inherent humility;
a heart genuinely interested in the other. 

A fuller understanding of another person positions that person to empathise.

Blessed is the heart of a person motivated to empathise.

A person motivated to understand and
empathise is blessed as they are a blessing. 

Let it go, experience freedom

More than a few times in any given day, and myriad times over a lifetime, we find ourselves drawn into concerns that are beyond our control.  Succumbing to anxiety is the lot of the human life.  But the situation is not hopeless.

Even the experience of feeling crushed
can bring the gift of perspective.  

Nobody wants to be crushed with grief,
but suffering sorts some anxieties from others. 

The chief blessing I experienced in the tyranny of languishing, lasting grief twenty years ago was the entrapment of gratitude that I had for the things that could never be taken away from me.

Over these for which I had command there was real freedom.  The list seemed endless when I dug deeper down.

Spiritual blessings.  I was alive.  I had the love of my kids, my parents, new friends that came into my orbit.  Fire breathed into my faith, for God had captivated my heart in the dread of loss.  A newfound discovery, the love of service.  The power in overcoming addiction to alcohol.  None of these were little things.  

The more I surrendered
the material things I could lay hold of,
the more spiritual blessings
flooded into my perception.  

All of what I was experiencing — yes, the joy — came amid much sorrow and fear for the calamity that my life had become overnight.  I had lost my wife, my home, free access to my children, all joy in a job that required me to travel but alas a career that demanded I be away from my kids.  I had to let go of that life and centralise my efforts and focus.  Then freedom rushed in.

Materially, I had lost incalculably.  Every one of these single losses in and of themselves was enough to floor me.  Even as they piled on top of one another, I was forced to look for higher ground.

That season felt like I had lost everything
that meant anything to me,
but of course there was much
that was only then beginning to come in.

That season I learned what I had control over — what I thought, said and did.  

That’s it.  That’s all.  

Everything else I was forced to let go of, and in that season the gift of letting go was granted to me.  (I’ve had many seasons since where letting go seemed the hardest thing to do.)

Ultimately, we let go for freedom, but letting go must be done in faith, for it never feels like the right thing to do.  

But as we let go, we receive something intangible that we could never have otherwise.

Letting go redeems the reward that the
truer possessions cannot be taken from us.

The truer possessions cannot be taken from us
because they are not of this world.

Loss is the invitation to the spiritual.