A Letter to ‘You’ Entitled, “How I Feel Right Now”

Dear You,

I don’t know how it is that I can be feeling this way, but I need to let you know about my day. I am so cross at the moment. Something boils within me; I don’t know why. What you did affected me, and even though what you did was probably harmless and in no way offensive whatsoever, I was angered by it. I thought you should know.

I know that the way I’ve been feeling is no mark of disrespect from you to me, or vice versa for that matter. I would normally be angry at you right now, but what’s the point in that? I can see it’s not your fault—it’s not even my fault... it just is what it is, that’s all. I can find no logical explanation for it... and that’s okay, I guess.

I feel better just letting you know. I can see it in your eyes you feel relieved too; that I’ve been honest and vulnerable with you about how I feel and still I haven’t torn strips off you like I normally would have.

This is a new marker in our relationship, isn’t it? (I’m so pleased.) We haven’t normally felt this way—sort of angry, confused and upset, then suddenly free of the burden almost altogether.

But that’s how I feel right now; free... thank you.

The truth is you look free too.

That’s good, right?

Anyway, as I said, I thought you should know, and I almost feel better now for simply taking the courage to mention it.

I will always love you,

Me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is a letter of relief. But, better than a letter like this, is a conversation.

This is the basis of the ‘felt world’ of the person who’s been brave enough to share their deepest selves, both in tender rawness and in consummate owned-ness; the accountability of owning one’s deepest and most inexplicable emotions.

They’ve been real enough to not skirt the truth, so much so that this revelation didn’t come across as a threat from one side to the other.

This is what all relationships sorely need more of: time when one partner can tell another partner exactly what’s ‘going on’ for them and the trust extant between them ensures openness flows. Peace thrives as respect is more or less a given.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.