Being the Relational Mirror

None of us operates in a vacuum. We all initiate and respond within the realms of relational contexts. When someone ‘upsets us’ we, too, have often played a role in that — however small a role. When we choose to adjust our initiation or response behaviour, however, we stand to potentially transform the outcome.

We hardly ever consider how much we wear our hearts on our sleeves.

Our thinking and feeling affects how we relate with people more than we think. It’s not just others — themselves as thinking, feeling persons — that we deal with. We’re inclined to discount ourselves as not such a vital piece of the rapport jigsaw puzzle. Yet we are.

Sitting Aside from Our Conversations

Perhaps it’s as an offshoot from the Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique of sitting aside ourselves that can help us most.

Whilst we’re in conversation we can observe ourselves as if we were a third person looking on. We’re not doing it to be self-critical, just watchful, noting our influence to change the dynamics of the situation.

The Merit of Maturity

Self-facilitating maturity is achieved by keeping gentle, though firm, account of ourselves. This is a piqued awareness of the things we’re saying and doing in the moment we’re doing them.

This has to be situational Emotional Intelligence. All four pillars of self awareness and management, and social awareness and management are coming into play.

Maturity never has a bigger test than via the relational context. It’s easier to be mature when we just have to manage ourselves and not things beyond our control.

Checking Before Judging

It’s rather a shame that we’ll often judge someone’s response to situations whilst isolating our part innocently and apart from what’s occurred.

Can we really be that innocent... like, all the time?

We have the opportunity to check our ‘contributions’ in context of the responses and initiatives of others. Doing this can help us understand and empathise with others.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.