When Love Becomes Villain

When the romance ends—when each of them stop falling over themselves in their giggling—and the real work begins—because real relationships mean real work—things won’t be so glam.

When that happens, love becomes a villain, stealing joy away.

But love’s done nothing wrong—it’s not love’s fault that romance can be so false.

When love becomes grounded it’s like an aircraft coming in to land. Some landings are smooth, perhaps having endured prior turbulence, whilst others are unpredictably volatile. Without warning the winds shift on the tarmac and that plane tries valiantly to ground itself safely. But often in the grounding, upon hard landings, damage occurs to the landing gear and the fuselage develops cracks; its passengers are panicked yet relieved. Love can be like this and more. Love can be damaged in the landing.

Love – As Protagonist And Observer

When the shine wears off a new thing, like when we scuff new shoes, the work of use-without-fuss begins. Love cannot be ornate, sitting pristinely on the mantelpiece. Love, as far as relationships are concerned, finds its feet in work. Love requires effort.

This is the first time within the relationship that the truth is valued enough to climb over the endorphin-bridled flattery of the romantic phase. Otherwise the romantic phase is found chock-full of impressive departures from love’s real aim.

Whether we’re in the midst of romantic love or merely an observer we can be easily misled regarding love’s real aim. In the heat of romance the last thing we want is for the excitement to end—but it soon must. If we’re an observer we’re quickly envious—especially if this is our ‘ex’.

Their Love’s No Better Than Ours Is

We exist within a competitive fishbowl—our world. Everyone observes and we’re all under observation. It’s easy to look at other couples—particularly those involving our ‘ex’—and contrast what’s going on.

The contrasts made a never neutral. Either we come out in a better light, and we’re thankful, or they do, and we become fearful and envious. The neutral location, however, is not only safest; overall it’s truest.

Their love is probably no better than ours—it’s also probably no worse.

Once the romance is over all relationships return to work—as life in its truest sense is work. When we can enjoy our work and the challenges and opportunities it presents, we gain the reciprocal blessings of love.

Love is blessed by the work, including our imagination and diligence, which we put in. And the more we do, the more we benefit, and the more we debunk the idea that love is the villain.

Love blesses the worker who works in truth. Both in the relationship will be happy.

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Beyond romance love requires work. Commitment, passion, and intimacy are all expressed by the things we do. Love is never the villain; only our warped ideas are. If relationships are to blossom they require work. That’s how we extend the romance; through blissful, adoring work.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.