Palliative Care – Confirmation of An Impending Grief

There’s something in the reality of A4 paper,

As the eye gazes and browses and intently reads,

The mind attempts to grapple with an haranguing caper,

A sense of solemnity this information feeds.

Four pages, then five, it’s very clinical,

Words that reverberate, the conscience they defile,

Meanings that mean what they mean without being cynical,

Grounded now in a reality that refuses denial.

How on Earth do we feel, perhaps we might reflect,

An embrace of moments wrung out in an aeon,

We look into each other’s eyes, no sign of neglect,

Moments are inexplicably palpable, that we can agree on!

When all of life runs otherwise swimmingly – apart from the obligatory stresses that none of us need – there is always the reality that steals joy from the moment.

Such moments, caged in the ferocity of an annoyance beyond understanding, yet peace transcending all the negativity is the feature of our gait, we get on with getting on.

“God is using these very moments,” I have been known to say; even today.

We are humbled in the fact that what God is doing through this he’s doing with a grand design in place. God loves integrity and he hates duplicity. That’s God for you. Our role – as everyone’s is – is to be faithful as God is faithful.

As we tore open the envelope that contained those four or five pages – the perinatal palliative care plan – we read the document separately; first Sarah as I read Ethan a story, then I. It was sombre and sobering reading.

The people who are caring for us do this sort of thing for a business, yet they are so inherently considerate. We are learning all the time.

God loves us all and he hates it whenever we must endure such pain. But God knows, as well, that we can endure anything, through the grace of the Spirit, which is power beyond reason, hope when there isn’t any, and joy when it’s required.

Making the most of our pain is our Lord. This is not because God is messed up or sadistic. But God knows that the genuine material of blessing comes from having suffered well, and yet, there are still so many who insist on getting their ‘blessing’.

The faith-life is, at times, a shock to the system. Life runs along dormant for a time, and then, without much warning, ‘life’ occurs to test our resolve. We faint for a time. But, faith suggests that a reasonable solution is never far away, despite what appears to be a confusing mess.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.