Why People Think They Need to Control You

Crawling over the surface of our skin,

The moment we let them in,

They seek to take control,

Through our lives they have the dice to roll.

***

Power and control consumes the world. Power bears over us at all times in various ways. None of us is immune to the pressures that bear for us to control and those around us to control us. Many times control is necessary and perfectly appropriate, especially if it’s within the scope of authority and it’s done in a conciliatory way, but power that seeks to lord it over people to exploit them needs to be resisted.

Sometimes power and control is foisted over us, much to our chagrin. We wriggle to escape and resistance is normal. We can cope with it for a while and our sense for grace makes certain allowances, but soon enough we feel the urge to resist. Resistance is a normal human response. We will resist because we don’t appreciate being exploited; no one does. Even by avoidance we are resisting.

When people seek to control us there is generally a deficiency deep within them. What they think will make them happy – to execute control over us – will not make them happy at all. If they were free from fear they would also allow us to live free.

People may think they need to control us for our own good, but it’s for their security that they do it. Only insecure people seek to control others.

When we are in a relationship with someone who thinks they need to control us we are in for an unhappy experience.

If the relationship that controls us is a family relationship tolerance may be the only strategy we can employ, as well as to limit contact to small doses.

Because a person is insecure in the deeper threads of their being they overcompensate. Because they fear losing control so much they must endeavour to gain control. They are drawn to control much like a moth is drawn to a bright light.

So why is it that people think they need to control us? It’s about them, not us. Living in an external locus of control, those people who must control others actually cannot control themselves. If things go wrong blame must be apportioned elsewhere.

A person’s insecurity costs society,

It causes distress and despair in others,

Control’s a hideous blight on relationships,

It stresses those who could be sisters and brothers.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.