Conversations About Nathanael That Help

Unification is at the heart of losses shared in a community that cares.

I met a lady who had lost her baby hours after he was born. Like us, they knew the trajectory of loss they were on; that the inevitable light at the end of the tunnel – a freight train – was coming and what was coming could not be stopped. We shared the numbingly shrill moments of waiting for the inevitable moment to come. What would it be like? Would we fold under its weight? Will we be enough for our partners? And, would we be able to sustain ourselves in the vast cosmos of grief that would ensue.

I spoke with a grandparent about the loss of one of their children’s babies. The baby died at just over 24 weeks gestation – meaning, from a legal viewpoint, a funeral had to be prepared for. A young mother who was distraught beyond words had to endure something nobody should have to endure – all the focus and attention at the wrong time for all the wrong reasons. But such things draw us to love. They make us rely more on God. We agreed that, the fact we were talking about this, was a unifying thing; and that we would all pray for this young family and indeed my family.

The fact that we have experienced something very painful – but that which was made much easier by our faith in God and his abundant grace through the plethora of prayer we received – that others, too, have faced brings us together in love.

This is much cause for celebration.

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What a great power it is to share our experience, be heard, and receive the empathy God knows we deserve. Doubled is the power when we have the opportunity to encourage the person who listened to us.

When those who have suffered similar things find themselves in conversation healing can occur. Not through advice, nor through judgment. But through the simple sharing of experiences, we get to hear ourselves speak, we give voice to our emotions, and we open the door to God’s healing.

We are stronger, not weaker, for talking about our losses, especially as we speak with those similarly affected.

To talk with freedom, to walk with grace, and to sit in our pain; these are great aids to the process for healing the grief we experience in our losses.

© 2015 S. J. Wickham.