What Else Can “No” Mean, But “No”?

TIMES and seasons there are for all situations. Sometimes there is a time to be told, “Yes, proceed,” just as there are times when we are told, “No, back off!” It takes strength and maturity to accept “No” when it comes, especially in important matters.

But, notwithstanding, no means “no.”

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No means “No!”

In the clearest of all terms,

Decisiveness makes us grow,

As their decision affirms.

Their decision is made,

We can’t do anything else it seems,

They will not be swayed,

So we must give up on our schemes.

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We have the very real responsibility to care for everyone in our orbit, so far as it depends on us. We cannot go about our way hurting people. And when it comes to our interactions we have to honour people’s wishes the best we can. Sometimes we cannot proceed the way we would wish to. Sometimes we are told there is a boundary and we need to respect it. Sometimes somebody very important to us will have a view that is counter to our own. We have the role of praying how we will reach a position of acceptance, which is the love of respect — what they wish for we will honour, in spite of what it costs us, personally. Sometimes there is a clash of ideals, and what was previously unknown — that we each had strong feelings in opposed directions — come out and into play.

Only when we come to accept what we have no choice to accept will there be any chance of being heard. Not that being heard is in any way our proviso; it cannot be, because our acceptance then becomes a condition and what power we might have for the relationship in acceptance is quickly diluted to nothing.

There is a relational principle here built on the bricks of love; a mortar of respect.

We cannot force anyone or coerce anyone to do what we would have them to do.

Acceptance is the land of peace and coexistence. It is the geography of mature understanding. It is the provision of an acceptable outcome, and, in many cases, it’s a provision of God’s provident promise — the securement of capacity.

Relational power is a paradoxical concept. It is a power that runs for others. It is a power that is the surrendering of our power for the betterment of others.

When someone says “No” they mean, “No!”

© 2015 Steve Wickham.