Having been heard, she needs to be taken seriously

Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash

This is a necessary Part II for the earlier article, She Just Wants to be Heard. On such matters, like all matters really, I can trust my wife… being heard is a crucially foundational step that gets us to marital first base.

But more is needed once understanding is established, for once we know what is wrong, then we have the opportunity and choice to act. But first, let’s tackle the heart of the matter:

To not act when we know there’s room to grow is tantamount to condescension. There is a dangerous precedent set if we successfully hear her heart yet fail to do anything about it.

Imagine knowing you have a customer or an employee who is disgruntled. It doesn’t matter whether you believe they’re justified or not in being disgruntled. All that matters is that you take their perception seriously. That you attempt to do something about it.

Far from being a mere customer or employee, how much more should we take our wives perceptions seriously to the point of pondering and planning for the action she desires?

Now here’s when it gets tricky. On the one hand, in some situations, asking several questions for clarity will help you, and it will show her how interested you are to truly understand what is needed. But, on the other hand, sometimes she will want you to know or to work it out for yourself. This is where your respectability is called into question. If your heart is in it, she will see and accept the result, usually even if it still misses the mark. For her, you’ve had a go at it. If at first you don’t succeed, however, is the opportunity to prove you’re serious about getting it right. And still, actual results come a distant second to the intent of a heart bent on doing better. Wives love a husband with potential.

Us guys ought never to assume she wants action any particular way. We ought never get upset when our efforts aren’t appreciated, though we will be tempted to, and if we do it’s a sure sign to her that our motives weren’t correct from the beginning. We shoot ourselves in the foot.

Now, this is great if you’re an all-about-the-chase sort of guy, and apparently, we all are (which I’m not so sure about). We like winning our woman, but we prefer less to win her all over again, every day for the rest of our lives, whereas, her being pursued shows her that the initial chase wasn’t just about lust.

The ‘thrill of the chase’ continues when, as husbands,
we seek first to understand our wives. Once we understand,
the chase continues in pursuing action.

Notwithstanding all this about action, it cannot be laboured enough that action shouldn’t be entertained, let alone attempted, until our wives have really been heard. For most couples this is no fait accompli. This is more than assuming we understand. When we assume we understand, we don’t.

Ladies and gentlemen, I consulted with my wife in the writing of this article, the publishing of which would be ill-advised without her endorsement.