How to build more trust in a breaking relationship

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

What is often not front-of-mind is also intrinsically connected to our relationship with peace.

If a relationship is going poorly, trust has been rocked, and that’s generally a two-way street.

Here is a method anyone can use to improve trust in every damaged relationship. It’s a Christian method (see Matthew 7:1-6 and John 13:33-35; 15:12-17) but anyone can apply it and it will work.

We could say it’s just being mature and virtuous in our relating with ourselves and others; to choose for understanding over our own way.

Here is the challenge: redeem every wrong we do.

Important note: We cannot redeem anything anyone else does. Only they can do that — if they choose, but they are the only ones who can choose. We can force nobody to do this, and it would be wrong to try to do that, though we can attempt to help them understand.

Redeem every wrong we do. Let’s think about it. At one level it might sound like perfectionism, but it isn’t. If we’re made aware that we’ve said or done something wrong, we should do what we can to set it right. It’s an invitation to humility; to humble reflection — surely there is something we could have done better.

Committing to redeem every wrong you become aware of is the best and fastest way to build trust in your relationships.

Whenever we have such a focus on being honest about our relational shortfalls that we’re redeeming every hurt and potential hurt, hour by hour, day by day, we not only heap love on people, we’re too busy to notice what they’re doing wrong. They see our example — some of them — and the law of reciprocity kicks in. They start trying to outdo us in love. Some of them. But it grows around us. A culture of peace.

Trust is built when one person in a relationship gets the log out of their eye and apologises. Such action often has enough power to soften the heart of the other.

Breaking relationships can be restored when trust is rebuilt.

Being committed to a breaking relationship often takes great tenacity. There are setbacks when we want to give up, even fight back.

But we must remind ourselves that we must own our own behaviours and attitudes, and trust that that will be enough. As far as it depends on us, we ought to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). But that means we need to accept what we cannot change. Some relationships will inevitably break permanently. But many more relationships will be restored.