Child’s Play and the Sinister Temptation in Conflict

Doing parent help at my son’s school is a treat. Like so many parents, I find it’s a joy to support my child’s teacher and school. An interesting thing happened on a recent occasion that sparked a thought about how a children’s dynamic plays out in our adult world — like it happens for our kids all the time, it happens all too often for us grown-ups too.

Here’s the scenario: I’m playing a board game with three students, one of whom is my son. I’d just finished being beaten three-straight by another student but was fairing well despite my most recent form!

I begin playing this dinosaur game, and the three boys are all playing well for six-year-olds. Then something happens that happens in just about every game with children. A conflict develops.

My son decides his spin of the arrow didn’t go as he’d expected it, so he has another turn, and instead of getting “3” he gets “10”! The boy who’s just had a turn says, “Hey, wait a minute, that’s not fair.” My son makes matters worse by pleading ignorance regarding what I’d seen in plain view.

With literally one-minute to go before pack-away time, my mind doesn’t know where to go or how to deal with the situation. While we’re in the throes of packing away, I timidly offered to the boy transgressed that I saw what had happened and agree that it wasn’t right. He seemed a little more at peace.

That evening I dealt with my son, and as I told the story with Mum interacting as well, my son thankfully didn’t deny it had happened.

Remember all along, please, that the type of conflict in full focus, here and now, is that which is done against a party who has made no contribution to it.

~

There have been times in my life where something happened to me that shouldn’t have. When the people that count turned around all they saw was my complaint and the offender’s passionate denial of any wrongdoing — perhaps pointing out my fault and disregarding theirs. I know I’m not alone. I know this has happened to you too. It happens to most of us, if not all of us at one point or other.

It’s not good enough that the people who should care just want to keep the peace — as if ignoring the situation brings peace. It does not. When people who are wronged don’t get justice, they begin to do things that attract the wrong sort of attention.

If we’re not wise to the temptation in humanity to lie or cover accusations up, for fear of exposure, embarrassment or loss, we can do damage that was always meant to be addressed redemptively, by calling the wrongdoer to gentle and honest account.

Instead, it can be that the one transgressed is marginalised as a trouble-maker, when all they’re trying to say is, “Look at the wickedness done against me. Just say you believe me, and I can move on.” Unfortunately, there are those who make not much ado about reasonable complaint. They lack empathy. Yet, we’re called to care, not to say, “Just get over it.”

Of course, we know God sees all, but there is such a thing as social justice, and it’s an important concept.

One of the most important points here is we all do it; whether it is accidentally (or intentionally through hurrying) cutting someone off on the road, omitting some detail of a testimony, not consulting someone when we should, arguing our case for a transaction or result we got that we don’t like, or refusing to say hello or goodbye to someone because we’re annoyed.

Doing the wrong thing is a given.
We all do the wrong thing at times.
Being honest about what we did
is another thing entirely.
If we call Christ, “Lord,”
we’re obliged to be honest.

Competition motivates behaviours that disregard others. The attitude underpinning it is greed or envy.

So, you see that skulduggery doesn’t just happen in the child’s world. It’s not something we grow out of. It’s something buried deep in our competitive psyches. And it is dangerous, corrosive and toxic.

Thanks for reading.

Photo by Bao Truong on Unsplash