Why you should NOT feel guilty for needing support

I know there are exceptions for everything, and it’s certainly the case that any of us can be “needy,” but if we can’t be needy when we’re truly needy, something’s wrong.

When we’re in need of mental, emotional, spiritual, psychological support—presumably through circumstances of suffering—we do NOT get better without support.

When I talk about support, just as grief takes longer than any of us would initially care to endure, the requirements of the support we need is also going to be much more than we initially realise.

We require support over a longer time period than we realise. We require deeper support than we would like to admit. And the requirements of the support we need will often push our support resources to the limit. The person has been amply supported through their suffering to the point where it didn’t create conflict from within their support base is blessed indeed.

Now, there is positively no need to feel guilty for needing support. Anyone who would make us feel guilty is either fatigued themselves, or they may not be fit to be part of our support network.

There may be another reason why their support may be lacking, but what we most need at times of crisis is reassurance, safety and encouragement. We don’t need the added stress of looking after the other person’s feelings or feeling conflicted about whether we can draw on their support or not, or the added confusion (can I, or can’t I?) at an already confusing time. And we definitely do not need to be “challenged” at a time when our resolve to live is at its weakest. Tough love has its advantages only when a person is sick and tired of being sick and tired—not when a person questions their very existence.

The biggest reason we should not feel guilty for needing support is fundamental to our future. This cannot be understated. It’s at times of loss and trauma and crisis, where we do receive an inspiring level of support, when we know that we most need it, that we learn ourselves the kind of support God will provide through us, at a future time when we have recovered!

This speaks directly to the rationale behind what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians chapter 1, where he states that we provide comfort to others in accordance with the comfort we received; the comfort of God’s Holy Spirit that we experience palpably when we receive support at the time of our lives when we most need it.

The obvious priority of the person seeking support is that they don’t wear their support base thin. If that’s not the priority, then there could be a problem. But if the last thing a person wants to do is seek support they really do need—yet they have the humility to seek that support out, because they simply can’t do without it—that seems a genuine case.

I want to reiterate that a suffering person who receives the support they need is a future advocate and agent of support for others; this is how so many of us came to be in ministry in the first place. If a person doesn’t get the support they need, they not only suffer needlessly, they don’t get better, and they don’t discover what the Holy Spirit is capable of through the powerfully simple act of enduring care.

There is something that grace can only teach us through tangible support that proves its unconditionality when we’re suffering. Grace at such a time as this has the capacity to swell our belief in goodness and the faithfulness of God exponentially.

One final word: there’s a real gender disparity when it comes to those seeking support. Many women may struggle to rely on support, but men particularly are much less likely to seek support. This is due to cultural and biological factors, among others, but we really must make it easier and more culturally acceptable for men to reach out and be vulnerable.

Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash