Opportunities beckon to learn about conflict in isolation

There are certain facts we can’t get away from at this time. We have little control over many things in the present situation, just as we have little control over the circumstances of our need perhaps to work from home and to home-school the children.

These are times we would not have even begun to imagine would even be possible just two months ago. Yet, we are here now, and I know many people who have resigned themselves to make the best of it.

Here are some thoughts on the inevitable presence of conflict in all our lives; those which will peak in our being together, closeted within the home together for an extended period.

These periods of isolation will require creativity and innovation. But just as much within the isolation of being together as a family, we will have to confront the inevitable conflict that will occur.

There will be conflict, it occurs in every family, and every family has its own way of dealing with conflict.  I mean by this to say, even if we sweep conflict under the carpet, it’s still there.

The first thing that we can say about conflict is it often happens as a result of stress. We get two stressed individuals, and it’s a predictable powderkeg situation. If one or both are unaware of the stress that’s causing them to demand what they want, interactions easily spill over into conflict.

One of the persons has to be a circuit breaker. Someone within the conflict must endeavour to see that poorly sorted out conflict is an indicator of the stress that one or both are under.  It’s hoped that one can see their own contribution to the conflict, because peace can’t come unless someone starts admitting they’re wrong.

Everyone is anxious at present, just as everyone is experiencing anticipatory grief. When two people have those kinds of dynamics of stress going on within them, it isn’t hard to see how they will end up in conflict.

Times like these we need to recognise the role of stress in the initiation of conflict. Especially when it comes to parents having to home-school their children, whilst working from home, whilst being parents into the bargain.

This is an almost impossible demand, especially given the fact that, as parents, we will never be the impartial teacher we might be with other people’s children.  With our own kids we’re either too favourable or unfair on them.

I can’t imagine parents schooling their children from home without conflict.

I can’t imagine siblings cooperating at all times.

I can’t imagine there being marriages free of conflict either.

But at least in these times, if only we can see conflict as an opportunity, to learn more about each other, to respect one another, and to grow together with each other, we may not only survive this time, but we can also thrive as families.

If the family is Christian, and are perhaps open to committing to peacemaking principles, the opportunities in conflict are threefold: to glorify God by putting God first, to be kind to one another and to serve the other, and to be humble and grow to be more like Christ.

Perhaps most of all in this time of enormous social, financial and medical challenge, the family is also under attack.

But just as parents we can set the goal of being intuitive and hyperaware of the dynamics that go into conflict.

We can help our children understand their emotions that both contribute to conflict and that come as a result of conflict, and we can help our children.

Parents can be redemptive in their approach as they nurture their families through this time, and make the most of the opportunities that present in conflict.

Conflict can either be destructive or an opportunity and never the twain shall meet.

Photo by Jessica Lewis on Unsplash