Watching for idolatry that manipulates then abuses

None of us is beyond this, but chances are we’ve noticed this more in others than ourselves.  So, let us observe it in others in order to study it.  Once it is observed, there is surely the sense of betrayal.  Empathy will suggest that others will feel these ways about us when our greed or envy has manipulated them.

But the experience of learning the deeper fissures of this abusive phenomenon can only deepen if we observe what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

If it hurts us, and it will, there are a few thoughts to have.  Among them are these:

·           if we harm another, we’re more likely to minimise the harm, as they may do when they harm us

·           if they harm us, we will be sorely tempted to harden our heart toward them, as they will be tempted to harden their heart toward us if we harm them

·           the impasse will continue so long as we don’t share a crucial conversation to confront the conflict

·           many such conflicts go under the radar and hearts do grow hard and ultimately cold

·           the trajectory of relationships on such a course is a downward spiral – not good

·           if the trajectory isn’t corrected relational breakage can and usually will occur

·           where there’s a power imbalance, the person with less power is likely to lose out most or completely – hence an abuse takes place

If we wish to have healthy relationships, we need to play our part and take account for our thoughts and actions.  We are also reliant on them doing the same thing.  The hope is that both us and them are conscious of the idols in our hearts – for we all have them.

The healthy spirit has good sense for the idols that captivate their heart.  In simply being honest, and in drawing to consciousness thoughts that reside in the subconscious and using a prayer like Psalm 139:23-24 is good for this, we can own up to our envious greed.

If we’re in fellowship with a person, a person we interact with at church or work or in a club we belong to or even a family member, and that person is being constantly elusive relationally, and being nice to us when it’s convenient, trust is jeopardised.  They appear to be on the take.  We may have sensed that we don’t feel safe.  If this is the case, we can try to flip this observation, and then imagine anyone for whom we might be the source of the same threat.

See what I’m doing?  At one and the same time, we’re becoming consciously aware of those relationships we don’t feel safe in, plus we’re seeking God to open the eyes of our heart to see if we’re a problem for anyone else.

I know many believe people manipulate people and situations intentionally, but it may not always be intentional.  Sometimes people aren’t conscious, or perhaps they choose to dissociate.  Either way, it’s dangerous whoever does it, because it is behaviour that isn’t accounted for, and anything can be done under that guise.  It does need to be confronted.

If we are the ones who are being manipulated, we can design boundaries, and if it’s abuse, we can plan our escape.

If it’s a case that we’re threatened somehow and we’re the ones who are manipulating others, we can repent of our behaviour and sort our attitude out.

Photo by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash