Forgive (the repentant) just as God has forgiven you (because you repented)

Response is key in the model of biblical forgiveness.  Though each and every single one of us stand forgiven by God through Christ, it is up to each and every single one of us to respond to that free gift. It’s there for our taking.  But if we decide to thumb our nose at God, the Lord will say, “Suit yourself in rejecting the divine peace that saves your life.”

The same principle applies to people-to-people transactions of redemption or reticence.  Those who seek to reconcile are blessed by peace, because they do all they can do to live at peace with others.

In the context of forgiveness, there are situations where we wrong people and we’re to seek their forgiveness — to apologise to the degree of setting things right.

It’s obvious that the reverse applies.  If others wrong us, and they seek to live at peace with us, they seek our forgiveness — they apologise to the degree of setting things right.

If a person refuses to own what they did — perhaps they see things completely differently — there is a stalemate, but at least there is no compulsion on the person wronged to forgive.  They cannot complete the transaction of forgiving the other person unless the other person comes and seeks to be forgiven.

Some people argue that a person coming to us and seeking to be forgiven is reconciliation, and I disagree.  A person can come, we can forgive them, and still, we both agree that we move on — is that reconciliation?  It’s agreement, that’s all.  We can forgive a person and not trust them anymore.

When a person has abused us sexually or spiritually or mentally or emotionally or physically or socially or financially — with far reaching effect — and that person refuses to own what they did, which is tragically all too common, we have a double or compounding abuse.

THE POWER IN A CONJUNCTION

When we read the words from Ephesians 4:32, “... forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,” we may instantly think, “But, God!  Don’t you know what they did to me... and can’t you see how they’re spurning justice, refusing to own how they treated me?”

But now think of the word ‘just as’ from the above verse — the Greek word, kathos.  Such a simple word.  Packed full of meaning.  That’s right.  A simple conjunction.  And an important one!

If God has created a salvation-construct that relies principally on our response, we too can rely on another’s response JUST AS God has.  Indeed, we’d be remiss to ‘forgive’ another’s debt without their recognition of their wrong, just as we’d be unreasonable in expecting others to forgive our debt if we failed to recognise our wrong.

POWER ROLES AND MERCY

Some cite the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant as one failing the test of forgiveness.  Trouble with that is, that parable profiles the POWERFUL one doing the forgiving, not the one with least power.  That parable is completely inappropriate to use in the context of a less powerful person (one who’s been abused) forgiving their unrepentant abuser.

Also, note that the parable is more about mercy than forgiveness.  Note that if an abused person extended that mercy to their abuser, there would be no calling to account for the abuser and they could reasonably be expected to go on in their abusing people.  More people would or could be harmed.

In the situation of someone having been abused, it can seem to the abuser that the abused party has the power of accusation against them, but only one party has the power to extend a mercy that is befitting of truth and love in the realm of justice — a mercy that ends the iniquity redeems the good.

By an abuser’s apology they extend the mercy of the truth to their victim.  The injustice is over.  Finally, as they turn away from lies of denial, no longer dissociating from the truth — as they face it and what they did to their victim — they’re in a place of potentially being forgiven, JUST AS God forgave them when they about-faced to face Divine Forgiveness having repented.

But not beforehand.  To extend the mercy of ‘forgiveness’ to one who’s harmed people, BEFORE they had repented, would mean they’d learn absolutely nothing, and others would stand to be harmed as a result, and absolutely no healing would be experienced, only more nonsensical harm.

It’s a good thing when people herald the harm that’s occurred.  Unless situations like this are brought sensibly to a head, no justice will be done, which means the injustice will continue.  Harm continues to be felt and further harm is done.

‘IF’ IS ANOTHER IMPORTANT WORD

Nobody who claims to believe in and live for the gospel refuses to forgive those who earnestly seek to be forgiven.

It’s only those who never seek to be forgiven, who never repent, who make a mockery of what God instituted as justice from the beginning.  Jesus himself said, “if they repent, forgive them.” (bold for emphasis)

IF is an important word.

Finally, one further biblical example.  Just as God said the now famous words in 2 Chronicles 7:14, “... if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and heal their land,” God used that most powerful word ‘IF’, and we can know that God does not expect us to EXCEED the divine measure of grace.

The divine measure of grace is a repentance that: 1) humbles oneself, 2) prays, 3) seeks God’s face, and 4) turns from wicked ways.  THEN God forgives and heals, not beforehand.

God has created the divine measure of grace.  Who are we to go outside these guidelines?

Waiting on repentance in order to forgive harm done is not ungracious, because it is just, and justice matters where the vulnerable have been trampled.

Had it been the powerful who were harmed, justice would be executed swiftly, and possibly severely.  Look at those who wait on justice and may go a lifetime without it — it’s the vulnerable.

Grace abounds when offenders right their wrongs before they’re exposed.  Sadly, it so rarely happens.

And NONE of the foregoing says it’s beyond a person to forgive anything they feel led to forgive.  It’s just that there needs to be space for justice where harms have been done.