Opportunities abound not despite Losses but because of them

Many of us had certain lives that were cut short and curtailed whether we had something to do with it or not.  Loss takes us on that journey, and there are myriad forms of loss — death of loved ones is most obvious, but there are marriages, careers, homes, and sometimes a range of losses in one life event.

Regret is a big part of the journey of loss, because it’s inevitable we’ll have wanted to have done some things differently.  That’s as we look back.

But as we look ahead, we can soon still see cause for regret if our focus isn’t straight.  Sometimes we look ahead whilst still having half an eye on what’s been.

When we look back while looking ahead, impinged by regrets that mount up in the form of resentments, we begin to see what was done to us instead of what has become of us.

We don’t think of the life opportunities we’ve been presented since the moment everything changed.  We don’t figure that had life continued as it was, we wouldn’t have had the experiences we’d had, and we wouldn’t have met the people we now love.

I belong to a global survivor community, for instance, and had things not happened to me and my wife — things that should not have happened — I wouldn’t know these people.  I’ve got a lot of affection for many of these people, knowing their stories as they know mine, we’ve been in situations where we’ve provided a lot of empathy, support and care to each other.  It’s the same with the diagnosis and loss of our son, Nathanael.  We would never have had the opportunity to love and be loved by a global Pallister-Killian Syndrome community.  We’ve especially enjoyed the fellowship of the Foundation in Australia, including the opportunity for me to serve on the Board.

None of these relationships would have existed had we not been through the experiences we’ve had.

It’s the same with the experiences we’re given.  What seemed like the worst thing — the loss we could do nothing about — comes around as our gain when we consider the experiences we’ve gained, and many of these have taken us to the brink.

This is no sadistic jaunt into self-flagellation — to embrace one’s learning outbound of suffering is a biblical concept.

When James said, “Brothers and sisters, consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds,” he was speaking of a wisdom only those who truly seek God are given.

Suffering isn’t intended to crush us; it’s intended that through our weakness we would be strengthened in our inner being — that through being broken we’d become softer, more pliable vessels, humble, so that at the right time God would exalt us — the Lord’s doing, not our own.  And no less do we learn how strong we can be when our backs are against the wall.

When life takes a turn it never returns to where it was, and it can take years or even longer to finally walk on without regret or resentment.

Think of not that which was lost, but that which would never have been had it not been for the massive change in life circumstances.  As they old grieving hymn writer wrote, It is well!

Photo by Nathan Jennings on Unsplash