The courage to face pain that cannot be seen

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also harder to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say, “My tooth is aching” than to say, “My heart is broken.”
― C.S. Lewis

Many more people in life will either try to deny their internal pain or express it inappropriately through harmful, hurtful, violent anger than face it and bear it.

We all know it feels impossible to bear this internal pain.

The one who denies it, who cannot face a truth that stands forever at least an arm’s reach away by their denial, admits they can’t yet face their truth by their denial.  Why do they deny?  We can all reflect on this question, because we’ve all been there.  It’s tough.

The one who reacts to their pain by spewing vitriol all over the place, or by harbouring such dissension that they stonewall others, or they violate others (especially more vulnerable others), is also denying direct access to their pain.  Rather than internalise it, they express it by harmful behaviours.  The pain that was meant to be relieved by facing just becomes a fuel-de-force and the opposite of the goodness of healing ensues — trauma.

But there is a way to deal with this more common variety of pain.  That which is in us all, no matter how well attached we are, just needs to be faced, but that requires courage.

Physical courage is one thing, spiritual courage is quite another.  As physical pain is generally easier to bear than spiritual or mental pain, more courage and faith is required.  But these are not impossibilities.

Until we’ve been in the place where we’ve faced our pain, we don’t really know what courage is.  But we’ll also know a courage that comes from facing and failing, because facing our pain is an art and a discipline that takes practice and commitment.

And the humbling thing is it can never be perfected beyond courage.

Courage is always required to face pain.