Those who overpromise tend to underdeliver

Those who enter our lives with much spunk and panache often eventually leave a trail of devastation.  It’s a generalisation, I know, but it’s a trustworthy model for many types of relationships, from romances to work relationships to business partnerships to matters of spiritual direction involving power disequilibrium.

Think of it this way.  Not always, but so often we find that those who spark most curiosity and interest in us threaten to win us over at such a deep level that we commit far too much to these people far too early.

In other words, we don’t yet know who we’re truly dealing with.

It takes a while before the shine of ‘romance’ dulls in relationships generally.  Call it 12 months at a minimum before we sense that all isn’t as it seems.  Yes, I use the word romance, but this dynamic is evident a great deal more commonly than we realise.

The person who comes into our lives with charisma gives us a dopamine hit and we love being in their presence.  They’re funny, they make deep sense to us, we love being around them, because we connect with them!

It’s fine if they were just funny, or they were genuinely loving, but so many people trade out of their charisma, manipulating people and/or situations.  Much charm is manipulation.  They store up the favour they create and then they capitalise on it.  That’s okay if you know about it; if they’re transparent about it, and you’re okay with it.

But the fact is, much of the charisma that a magnetic person exudes seduces especially empathetic people, because they’re attractive personalities, and empaths are drawn to highly connective people.  The trouble is, empaths aren’t always aware of this dynamic, and some charismatic people take advantage of this favour.

This is in some ways a warning to us all for those only just entering our lives now, as well as those who have entrenched themselves; those who threaten or promise to be problematic.

This is also a reminder for all of us to thank those figures in all our lives who tend more to underpromise and overdeliver.  They don’t use the powerful influence of manipulation to draw upon what won’t ever be repaid, but they instead rely on being quiet achievers, expressing faith that their deeds will speak for them when their words might otherwise be hot air.

NOTE: none of the articles I write that represent the darker nuances of life are written from specific experience of particular persons.  In other words, if I know you, I’m not writing this about you.