Don’t suffer in silence – because we always do

It’s one of the most prevailing truths of this life: people suffer in silence, never wanting to be a burden to others, always feeling like they’re alone in their suffering.  Of course, at any given time there are myriads upon myriads of people doing that same thing in silence—suffering.

There are so many reasons why we suffer in silence.

We feel weak and ashamed when we suffer.
Feeling weak we often don’t have the strength to reach out.
It’s often a bridge too far to be strong enough to be vulnerable.
We don’t see the strength there is in being honest in our weakness.
We don’t want to be a burden to others.
We don’t want to risk being rejected if and when we do reach out.
Reaching out involves risk and strength when it’s easier to withdraw.
In our suffering, we feel nobody could possibly understand.
There is often a warm safe feeling of aloneness in doing it alone.
Once bitten, twice shy—it takes only one negative experience to shut up shop.

I’ve only scratched the surface.

If we know that those who suffer will inevitably suffer in silence, it’s incumbent on any of us who have the emotional range for it to reach in when those who could be suffering cannot reach out.

This is not a complicated message.  It takes a little faith to quarantine a little time to reach in to a life that could be struggling. 

Then what do we do?

We establish some rapport first by ensuring they know that we’re interested.
We open space for sharing and caring.
This means fewer words from us when they do begin to open up.
The words we offer are words of encouragement for their courage.
The words we offer are NOT advice related.
We look for and notice examples of their strength and their courage.
We call attention to that strength and courage when we see it.
We continue to listen and to be available.
We’re reminded that our empathy was nurtured in times like these. 
We don’t forget it’s better to have strength to offer than to suffer.

For those times when we suffer in silence—because, let’s face it, we’re all in that place at some stage or other—this is a reminder to take the risk to reach out if we can OR it could be to allow others to reach in.

We always do suffer in silence, so maybe this is the opportunity to break out beyond that bubble that seems safe but doesn’t reward us with the support we need.