Marriage and a happy family camping holiday

We’ve just arrived home from 11 days away in the northwest of our great state where our road trip covered 3,650 kilometres.  Today was our last day before we return to work and school, and we were just tidying up, drying out the tent, cleaning the car and trailer inside and out, and doing all the clothes washing that accumulated in the last few days of the trip.

When we set off when it was still dark on July 14, we did so intrepidly and prayerfully, driving our second-hand car that is new to us, hoping for no major breakdowns, and favourable conditions, given we were tenting the whole experience.  Wind and rain always need to be factored in, but these are generally part of the adventure.

The camping trip involved six set ups and six pack downs.  At the beginning of the journey, the most redeeming feature was the driving, and I must admit I love just driving.  I think this is because I’m a contemplative at heart.  But I tend to be an extroverted contemplative because I’m constantly in discussion with my wife as we drive, sometimes to her annoyance.  

Thinking of the six set ups and six pack downs, I’ll skip forward a week from our departure from home, whilst I was in conversation with a young couple one night at Dampier beach, at the suggestion of the mere fact that there were six set ups and six pack downs, the male partner ventured to say, “Woah, how many barneys have you had already?”  I just laughed.

We had had a few crossed words in the intervening time.  When we reached our first destination at Galena Bridge, over 500 kilometres from home, we attempted to set up our tent and it was quite gusty.  You know those looks you give each other in marriage that say, “I’m furious with you right now!”  My actual thought, as we were battling with our large tent, was, “What were you thinking?!” At that precise moment, I despised the very thought of camping.

My actual words betrayed what would quickly transpire into a good afternoon.  Thirty minutes after me uttering the words, “this is hopeless!” it came to pass that we were all on the river re-learning how to cast a fishing rod.  The masterstroke of this particular afternoon was that in those 30 minutes, as a married couple, we simply kept persevering in faith that we would end up with a sound structure to sleep in.  That, and our son was loving casting his line.  That’s what happens on adventures. Unexpected things happen.  They happen for the good, and they happen for the bad (for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health...)

Another unexpected thing happened on a separate occasion when we encountered a leaky gas hose on our cooking arrangement when I’d just left to monitor our son.  My wife had the situation of yelling out for me when I was long gone and then having to think quick to isolate the gas so the flame coming out of the end of the hose would go out.

As far as individual adventures are concerned, thankfully that’s the limits of them, not that there weren’t some significant challenges, for one instance, being off grid for the first time.

One of the biggest challenges in being together as a family on “holiday” is allowing each other to blow off a little steam without getting offended because our limits are a little closer to the surface when we’re in unfamiliar terrain.  Yet, one of the biggest rewards is planning the complexities together and seeing those plans through to execution.

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Marriage must allow both partners the outlet of safe anger, where both are allowed to vent as individual cases arise.  There are times in our marriage when we are more normal than people who don’t know us would really expect.  It brings truth to the saying, “We’re all ‘normal’ until you get to know us.”

On a camping holiday, where so many things can go wrong, and inevitably do, and things get lost, and there’s a constant workload, frustrations build and overflow.  That’s not what happens on holidays, but adventures are different.  Adventures are rarely predictable or controllable.

Most of life is an adventure.  Though we’d love it if our vacations were pristine experiences of serene bliss, life’s not like that... ever.  It’s a trap to idealise life as if it could be controlled at our whim.

Much of family in being together is the same way.  We might parade our best photos on Facebook and Instagram, but life’s not like that at all much of the time.  We find it hard to live with our loved ones at times, unexpected challenges thwart our peace, frustration mounts up with seemingly little warning.  There’s also the anxiety that rises which is hard to ameliorate.

Family is the place most of all where we must learn to apologise and keep ourselves to short account.  We might be able to present “professionally” in our work contexts, but family see us and experience us warts and all.

If there’s one thing we need most in families, it’s to forgive the forgivable and to keep moving forward.  Forgiveness is the language of love in family.  This is especially the case when family members own their wrong and seek to do better.