2 key decisions to direct our daily destiny

I’ll never forget one of my pastoral mentors saying, “you cannot formularise faith,” nearly 20 years back now.  There’s no magic bullet, no secret to life.  There are just too many nuances and exceptions to rules to be considered. 

But this doesn’t stop us searching for some ‘holy grail’ that can help us master this journey called life.  It is inbuilt in many of us to search for the ‘secret to life’.  I believe God put that instinct inside us.

Here is my attempt to formularise a way of thinking that helps.  It involves fully exploring two decisions and holding the tensions between the two.  They are two opposites.  Two equally occurring truths.  Dichotomies if you like.  Bridging the tensions is wisdom.

These two decisions are:

What do I have control over and how do I take the initiative?
~AND~
What do I not have control over and need to work to accept?

Life’s destiny is often rooted in both questions, sometimes it is more of one and at other times it is more of the other.  Knowing what’s in our wheelhouse from that which doesn’t concern us is crucial. 

I’d venture to say that wisdom is in the hands of those who answer both these questions the best they can as they journey life’s path.  I’d also say that these two decisions must ultimately be borne on a person’s operating philosophy for life—their modus operandi.

Simply put, to enrol in this wisdom it must truly 
become CORE to our inner belief system.

To achieve this wisdom, 
it must become part of who we are 
and intrinsically part of ALL we do.

~

Let’s assess these two questions in turn:

1.              WHAT DO I HAVE CONTROL OVER?

How (and when) do I take the initiative?  This is the courage, action-oriented diligence of wisdom.  This is what the psychologists call the Internal Locus of Control: 

The belief that one has control over the outcomes 
that are important to his or her own life.

For those who are arranged by the externals of life, who don’t feel they have control over the outcomes that are important to their life, a radical disempowerment is experienced.  

Sure, one of the biggest challenges is the paradox 
that we are not in control of many things.

But there are a good many things that ARE 
within our control; those we must own.

The opportunity here, therefore, is to DECIDE what will be important to us.  Will something that is well out of our control be important to us?  Or will we keep our interest and concerns to those things that are always in our control?  These are the things we think, what we say, what we do, where we invest our energies, what our focus is, etc.

Whatever is important to us 
must be within our control.

The degree of our success is 
the measure of our maturity.

See how we’re merging the things that are personally important with those things that are well within our control?  This is wisdom.  If we were to consider those things that are out of our control as vitally important to us, pressure builds, anxiety runs, and we waste our precious and finite resources of energy—on the wrong things, things we cannot affect.

What is important, overall, are those things that are key to our success and the success of those we know and care about.  We must take responsibility for those things that WE must personally do—to ensure our personal success and the success of others who depend on us.

Regarding those things we think, say, and do,
over these things we must ever remain true.

~

2.             WHAT DO I NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER?

Opposite to the above is the restraint to accept what we can never change.

What do I need to work to accept?  There’s stuff in this for us all.  This is in essence the other part of wisdom; this is where the virtue of prudence looms large.  And this really is a massive part of wisdom that is impossible to master—it can only be practiced imperfectly.

The quest of living ‘by faith’ 
posits acceptance as surrender.

That is, in having faith in God, let’s say, we release our grip of control to our higher power such that our refusal to stubbornly insist on having things our own way would help us lead lightly.

But ‘letting go and letting God’ is easier said than done, and besides, we don’t always know how best to apply this philosophy and practice of surrender.  Sometimes we surrender when we shouldn’t.  Sometimes we fail to surrender when we should.

Being able to resist controlling that which 
we cannot control is sensible living.

The key is being cognisant in our instinct and our early order decision making, right at the point where we might otherwise be triggered.

The truth is, accepting things in theory is a different thing to accepting things in practice.  Wisdom is applied intelligence, it’s not just knowhow.  Being able to let things occur that we don’t like isn’t easy.

A prior commitment to surrender is crucial, and this is all borne on the humility of the heart, which is a character trait that takes years to develop.  There are no shortcuts.

This is why wisdom is applied intelligence 
that makes a fool of the theorist. 

Humility is the bedrock of growth in wisdom.

~

This article can easily be summed up in the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, 
and the wisdom to know the difference.