Grief is a long and lonely ordeal

As I reflect on one year since Mum passed away, I know it’s been a year, a full 365-days, and it’s neither the feeling that it’s been that long or even that it’s been short.  But I do know from this vantage point, having lost a parent is partly both a loss and a gain of the self.  Part of myself is gone, no longer to be touched and heard and felt except via the memory.  But part of myself is invited to go forth beyond Mum’s existence.

I guess as look back, one year on, apart from my own family, Mum is essentially forgotten.

That might be harsh to say, but my Mum lived for her family, and unless others remind me that they acknowledge she is gone, she does feel forgotten, and that doesn’t seem fair, even if it is inevitable.  She will never be forgotten by those who have her blood and that’s the main thing.

When I say that grief is a long and lonely ordeal, I mean that it doesn’t end.  If I go on another 30 or 40 years (and I hope I do), I will ever miss Mum.  I know this because Mum outlived her own mother nearly 32 years and never stopped missing her.  And believe you me, Mum was very comfortable going to that feelings place.

Grief is a lonely ordeal in that it is long and there is an inherent inability to resolve it.  All anyone can do is accept that loss involves losing in the permanent sense.

I see so much courage in my family as they live on beyond Mum’s loss.  Each has their way of coping and moving on with their life.  But each of us is pragmatic enough that we can talk about Mum and relate old stories that make us either laugh or ponder.

But one thing for sure, though grief is long and lonely, it is trustworthy, it is no foe, it is a safe space for one’s enduring sadness.  Perhaps this enduring sadness is best for taking us to the eternal spaces where there are no answers, just more questions.

Depths of sorrow take us to nether places and those regions are sublime and unfathomable.  Though death takes us there, life is ever copious because of the living depths we are invited into and to partake of.  These spiritual realities are vast and safe, and linger on the palate of the soul.  One can live there. 

Whatever, however long and lonely grief is, it is well with my soul, because it must be left to eternity.