The Importance of C-O-U-P-L-E and C-H-A-I-R-S

“Because the Crazy Cycle is always ready to spin, you and your spouse need to get on the Energizing Cycle and stay there.”

~Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

“And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

~Ephesians 5:33 (Msg).

There was a marvellous book that my wife and I bought a few years ago; one of those books always worth pulling out every now and again and revising. This particular book is called, Love & Respect.

In it is a discussion about two cycles, one healthy (the “Energizing Cycle”) and the other not-so-healthy (the “Crazy Cycle”).

The Energizing Circle

In the simplest of terms, the guy’s love for his partner motivates her respect as her respect motivates his love.

Both are entirely interdependent on each other to ensure this Energizing Circle breaks the typical Crazy Circle of unrequited relational love and respect, which is so often an unfortunate feature of marital relationships.

C-O-U-P-L-E

This acronym is for the guy to focus on. To love his partner optimally he’s best focussing on: establishing Closeness and intimacy; maintaining Openness through conversation that engenders trust; working on Understanding by not ‘fixing’ her but listening to her; being a Peacemaker by saying sorry quickly and sincerely when he’s wronged her or when he’s otherwise in the wrong; focussing on Loyalty so she knows he’s committed – realising the very real ‘safety and security’ needs of female partners; and, finally, ensuring he Esteems her so she feels honoured and cherished.

C-H-A-I-R-S

This acronym is for the ladies to focus on. To respect her partner optimally she’s best focussing on: understanding his needs of Conquest – the desire to work and achieve; appreciating his Hierarchal thinking – to protect and provide; respecting his Authoritative desire to serve and to lead; relating with his desire to use Insight to analyse and counsel; combining with him, to realise with him, his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship with herself in Relationship; and, finally – and very predictably – appreciating his desire for Sexual intimacy.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

Book Referenced: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect – The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs (Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, 2004).