Is anyone else getting a little
sick and tired of the arguments?
Just on the Christian side of the
debate there is a wide range of views. Many Christians are incredulous that
someone could be Christian and be
pro-same-sex-marriage, or more poignant, that someone might be actively
non-heterosexual and be a follower of
Christ. The other side of the debate is similarly incredulous: “these are Christians? Who judge us. Who
pontificate. Who are also sexually broken persons, yet pretend they’re perfect.”
There is a lack of grace on both sides. Both Christian sides. Christians ripping each other apart, for the
onlooking world to see, against the new command
of Jesus, to “love one another.”[1] Many Christians, it has to be said, sit in the middle,
seeing the folly in arguing without dignifying the other. Many are appalled at
the behaviour of both sides.
The largest part of the issue is
what glib Christians write, unchecked, in their social media comments. We all
have the tendency to be glib when we live unchecked. Then many will say, “I wanted to say that.” If that’s the case —
that something exclusivist was said — then it’s a case of intentional, stubborn
disobedience. “Doesn’t God give us a mind and a mouth to express our thoughts
and make our stand for Him?” God doesn’t need any of us to make a stand for
Him. But if we’re glib, and we’re caught out in our glibness, there’s an
opportunity for introspection. Glibness, no matter how right we think we are,
will win nobody to Christ, and worse, it takes us farther from the Presence of
God. See how deceived we can become?
A Look Within
Now, as I look inward, I see the
materials of stubbornness and glibness right there; insoluble with God’s
reckoning. Glibness, if I’m honest (and because I believe in Christ I need to be honest) is an abhorrent default.
And stubbornness wills me to continue, insolently, along my prideful path. Glibness
is a sign of something I cannot seem in my own strength to help, and how far
short I fall of God’s glory; the enemy of God reminding me. Stubbornness is the
same. I am stubborn on a daily basis, many times a day. Woefully inadequate am
I in my awareness upon entering the intensity of my inner reflections.
Yet this is a great thing to know.
It’s what makes me Christian. I’m a sinner. Knowing I’m a sinner means I
understand the role of sin in others’ lives. I experience the grace of God in
my own life, and, having been forgiven, He helps me to locate the log that is intermittently
in my own eye. I accept I’ll never be anything close to being perfect in this
life. And so I begin never to expect perfection in others. I begin to view
others through God’s lens of grace. And then, peace.
Important Issues
These are no doubt important issues
— to all parties. I would be glib and stubborn if I pretended that parties on
all sides of the debate have no right to debate their argument.
As I watch from my vantage point in
the middle, as someone wanting to have no view, and yet as someone who does
have a view (for we all have a view, especially if we don’t), I have to remind
myself that my frustration is a sign of my need of God, and not a sign of their
fault; those who deal differently than I do.
There is no question, these are
important issues for all sides of the debate. From my look within I establish
that I must respect every different viewpoint, and particularly the person from
which that different viewpoint has a viable worldview that backs it up.
What Is Making the Argument Insoluble
Now to what is irreconcilable. There
is no relationship. All the sides can see is the difference and the ‘hating’
starts. I’ve seen hating language and behaviour from both sides. As far as east
is to west, never the twain shall meet.[2]
This is another thing we’re wise to accept. Until God reigns, truly in reality,
there will never be a universal oneness of view. We’re made too different,
together with our sinful natures, to achieve it. So we must accept that, as we’re
passionate one way, others will be equally passionate the other way.
If there were relationship, and by
relationship I mean functionally, then we might be able to argue respectfully.
But even then we would not get agreement. It helps to accept this. It helps to
commit beforehand to celebrate our vitalising diversity.
A Better Way to Fight – the Only Decent
Way
Arguments aren’t the problem. In a
free society we can argue, praise God; that all comers and all views have their
rightful place — not at all regarding the material
of respective arguments, but for the fact we’re equals. This is about upholding
the decency of being human. Get that right, and keep it at the forefront, and
only then do we gain entry into rightful debate.
The problem is twofold: arguing
without a well-thought-out case and,
underpinning fruitful arguing, playing the ball and not the man or woman, i.e.
arguing responsibly by being a guardian of emotions — ours and theirs. If they
lose emotional control, we need to modulate back. We’re called to love, not to
victory. Love is the victory.
Entering an argument should mean
that we’ve previously agreed we’ll not act hurt if what is said or done to us
or our arguments runs awry. The licence to enter the arena should be contingent
on being relationally resilient enough to hold ourselves well enough to respect
the other. If we cannot do that we ought to get out of the debate, because we’ll
fight badly and damage will ensue.
A good way to fight is also to
accept there will always be a divide, and that God loves those on the opposite
side of the argument just as much as He loves us. Our frustration should be a
sign to us of our own incapacity to be God. It should drive us into the
Godhead, but alas it doesn’t and we’ll often make ourselves and others pay for
our spiritual incongruity that acts itself out in all sorts of criminal
behaviours.
A New Solution
There is a new solution that is
also an ancient one. It’s new because it’s new to us. It’s new every day. It’s ancient because it’s
eternal. Nothing new under the sun. Both new and ancient.
Knowing how far we fall short is
fundamental. Yet I am new, and God looks at me as if I’m perfect already — when
I’m am still so pathetically imperfect. Both things are true.
A new solution is this: stop. If we’re
not called to be a lobbyist on either side, we need to stop. Get out of the
argument. We could be getting in God’s way. We could be alienating people God
has called us to love. Let us resolve to love in an inclusive way. Let us put
away our differences, jettisoning our indifferences also, and commit again to living
the fruit of the Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, … forbearance, kindness,
goodness, … faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.[3]
Love will call us into a rigorously
uncomfortable sphere. Let us endeavour to recommence the journey every moment
of our lives.
May God truly bless us all as we endeavour
to live in the community of humankind, giving to each other the kindness of
being human in its original form,
Steve Wickham.
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