2019 doesn’t seem so bad from here

How many of us who decried last year as being tough would now go back there in a heartbeat?

How many of us, when we contrast the stresses we had back then to the losses we’re having now, wouldn’t go back?

How many of us, when last year looks so benign from here, wouldn’t trip back and stay in that “safe” year?

Or any previous year for that matter?

This year puts into perspective previous years.  Anyone who can’t see that isn’t living in reality.  And yet, God is good.  All the time.

We will get through this year, of course we will, but it will be a year like no other, and do any of us see what the new normal looks like?  We don’t even have an assurance of the new normal yet.

I am taking a break from here, which is validation of a number of things.  There are new routines to establish.  There is the recognition that getting away from the noise of social media will be helpful.  And there is an ache in my heart to get away from the transitory and get back to the eternal.

There is a lot of sadness in my heart.  It is time to grieve.  But it is also time to be present and to feel that grief even as we are present with those who sorely need us and depend on us.  Today is an invitation to change.  It is an invitation to do life differently, for a while, or indefinitely.

I sense now is the time for preparation.  For what I do not know.  But just to begin to get ready.  To be quiet.  To be still.  My place is not here right now.  For how long, who knows.  I sense for everyone right now, we’re in a time of war, and when that happens it’s time to focus on family.  I sense that my connection needs and the connection needs of others who are my family will be best meet in the physical moments we have now.

So, let’s be praying for one another in the meantime.  You might not know it, but there are many of you I feel I know at least somewhat and for many of you and your families I do pray.

I am a reluctant pastor these days.  Too many battles and too many scares have caused me to wonder, “God, why me, why do you call me, I do not feel worthy or even capable of this calling very often.”  But God always teaches me something new, and perhaps if nothing else being a pastor or counsellor or chaplain teaches me whose I am.  Continually being humbled for God’s glory, continuing to be used despite my frailties.

It truly seems, I cannot not serve.

If you have genuine need of me, my email is steve.j.wickham@gmail.com.  

Picture by my wife, circa. 2009.