“I feel as if this world chews highly sensitive people up and spits them out,” I said to a counselling colleague one day over coffee. His response astounded me. “Imagine if only we had more highly sensitive people and how much better the world would be for it!”
Without going into the differences of introverts, highly sensitive people and empaths, among other terms, we can know that life is hard for anyone who is so emotionally intelligent that they literally feel everything.
For people who have the gift of intuitively sensing people’s emotions, people who have the gift of empathy, such a trait can feel not only a blessing, but perhaps more often a curse.
Empaths are so often sucked into the vortex of addicts and abusers alike, and their empathy tends to be weaponised against them even as they become enablers of horrendous behaviours. And with such powers of empathy there is little wonder why the empath feels they could be the difference in their addicted or abusive partner’s life.
But when an empath believes they can make a difference in a life that’s realistically a runaway train, they become toxic enablers, especially when they cannot let go.
But this article isn’t anything about making the empath feel guilty.
When empaths realise that they’ll so often be taken for granted, that they’ll become servants to mostly hopeless causes (let’s say 1-in-10 addicts/abusers recover), and that their gift will literally become wasted, there is frustration, guilt, anger and shame.
Do not lose heart, empath. You have been graced with an extraordinary gift and just know how much the world needs your gift and you. You offer hope to those who feel hopeless, given that many who have addictions at least do not want to be addicted. You offer hope to families afflicted because there is a loved one afflicted.
Do not lose heart also amid being caught in the spiral of an abusive relationship, but know that change won’t happen while you’re still there. The abuser’s only hope is that you withdraw from the relationship. That will cause you immense pain I know, but there’s no other way if you want them to have the only slim chance available.
Do not lose heart when it seems that every step on the journey feels like a misstep, when every step you seek to help and yet are either blamed or drawn further into the toxicity of their struggle.
Do not lose heart when you’re tempted to imagine that your gift is a curse. This period of your life is there for your learning, and you’re growing in wisdom. Think of the boundaries you’ve already been implementing, and don’t think that failures to enforce boundaries are a waste; they too are good for your overall learning.
Do not lose heart when again and again you’re taken for granted, blamed, gaslighted, begged, forgotten, rejected or betrayed — did I mention the word, ‘again’?
Do not lose heart when you know the pattern, you can sniff it from 100 miles off, yet you still operate to serve the person, but just know that the pattern won’t shift without change.
Do not lose heart when you’re tempted to. Of all people your heart is most sacred and proven in the fire. The world needs your beautiful empathic heart.
Make change by all means if you need to, but whatever you do, don’t give up on that beautiful empathic heart of yours, because you know what, you cannot deny who you are.
Be thankful you’re an empath.
Photo by Maksym Kaharlytskyi on Unsplash
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