Appreciating people’s differences as a way to kindness

Fear, resentment and offense are never far from us in this life where outrage is as far away as a phone, TV or computer screen away.  But we want peace.  So often we want what we cannot have because we don’t sow peace consistently as a thread throughout our lives.

Before you stop reading, commit yourself to reading the whole thing.  As I write it, I recognise my own need of it.

What?          Kindness.

Somewhere along the hallways of this life—every single day for that matter—there comes the opportunity to appreciate the differences in others instead of being threatened by them.

I don’t mean we’re necessarily in fear of people when we see or hear something we don’t like, but it does threaten our sensibility and it distracts us from what would be our focus.

We jump into the fray because we feel we need to put something right.  Next thing we know, we’re up to our eyeballs in emotion.  Hearts fire up in an instant, sweaty brows, pursed lips, tension all over.

There are the obvious conflicts that we all become engaged in that separate us, one from another, because our views diverge.  Instantly it seems in the social media world we are at odds and at loggerheads with those who simply have different opinions.

Sure, some of those opinions are abhorrent and even at times criminal, but we win no one over by shouting at them.  The opportunity before each of us to converge begins with our own agreement to converge within ourselves.

We are more than apt at taking exception regarding what others say or even how they present their views.  But what if we delayed our response for a moment, and simply asked some deeper questions.

Why does this person have this view?
How did they develop such views?
What and who has influenced them?
Why do they feel they’re right?
Why do I feel I’m right in the opposite way?
Why are they so forceful?
Why am I offended?  (No, I’m not!... yes, you are... no, I’m not!  Stop it.)
Why did they seem so convinced?

Curiosity gives us a breather.

If only we pause, take a moment, be still for a minute or four, we stand to receive more—more perspective.  But that requires the shutting down of all the noise in our lives.

It’s worth it.

Kindness becomes an inside job when we begin to appreciate difference in people.  When we respect the person who has a different view to our own, it’s easy to be kind.  And in this is peace.  All it takes is a heart of empathy—to step into their shoes.

To think as they think doesn’t mean we stop being us.

It’s when we expect others to think, speak and behave like us that we get frustrated by them, that we can’t influence of change them, and hence ultimately become outraged.

Reverse roles for a moment.  Think of the last time someone shouted at you to change.  Did you?  Or did you give them the bird?

Kindness has to be an inside job if it’s to be sustained.  Nothing sustains kindness like empathy.

Why do I write this?  I want more of this for myself, so others have a fairer time of it around me.

Photo by Daniel Mingook Kim on Unsplash