Don’t stress when they don’t understand

Some people exist to ruffle other people’s feathers.  Some do it out of spite because there’s a lot of unrelenting anger inside them.  Others put on a front that they want the best for us, but when the test comes that theory goes out the window.  It’s all about them.

And then there are those few who take a great deal of pleasure not even pretending with schadenfreude and the more they infuriate people the better—trolls—but worst of all, they often present differently, but inwardly they’re mischief makers.

Know any of the above?  Experienced any of the above?  Most of us have.

Anticipate that conflict is the home ground of some.  They thrive on it.  Especially when you take it seriously, and definitely when it upsets you.  For them it’s “game on”!

These vexatious people are difficult to relate with at best, and at worst, impossible.

One boundary we can set ourselves—in anticipation—is to be very shrewd about what we’ll allow to upset us.  Them misunderstanding us is one thing, but their goading is altogether something different.

Feeling misunderstood is one way a person might choose to goad us, but if we cater for the fact that they know how we’ll respond when we’re misunderstood, we prepare our hearts to know they don’t care to understand—and they may especially see it as an opportunity to ruffle us.  Give them that opportunity?  Never!

Our opportunity then is to ensure they have fewer prospects to know how upset we may feel.  This is done by preparing in advance to know we won’t be understood, by lowering our expectations, by guarding our heart, by sweating what they might consider ‘small stuff’ less, and even using cool wit—humour disarms just about every situation.

Then we anticipate that they’ll not be satisfied because they haven’t gotten under our skin.  But that’s okay.  In a lot of cases, they’ll turn their attentions elsewhere.  We stay cool.

~

Be encouraged.  It’s only the empathic person who can truly grow in resilience, for those who are disconnected from human vulnerability have little capacity to grow in what’s essentially a human potentiality.

They may pretend they’re resilient all they like, but unless they’re capably vulnerable—I mean, they’re comfortable being vulnerable—that skill set is beyond them. 

So I hope you can see there’s a great advantage in being a sensitive, empathic type—you’ve got a lot more potential for growth, because you FEEL your adversity, you neither deny it nor despise it.

Don’t stress if they don’t understand.  We can’t convince them.  It’s like this:

“Convince a man against his will, 
He’s of the same opinion still.”
— Mary Wollstonecraft (1792)

We cannot convince people and it’s madness to try.  It’s wise to stay within what we ourselves can control.  No matter what we do we’ll never understand the worldview of those who don’t care to understand.