A life beyond controlling others and being controlled

Imagine living free of relational baggage and torment, free of being controlled by others, and free of needing to control others.  Imagine drawing a line in the sand and saying from this day forth, “I will not stand aside and watch myself and my loved ones be controlled,” by an ex-partner, a parent, a child, or a co-worker or boss.  Imagine that the perpetrator who consumes so much of your energy having an honest moment and coming to the realisation that their life would be happier, more successful, and people would actually like them if they weren’t controlling.  That might be too much of a stretch.

We cannot live free unless we commit to giving up our control of others.

We cannot live free unless we make a decision to no longer tolerate others’ control over us.

Living free of these dynamics of control is the only way to live free.  And it’s easier than we think.  It does mean making a commitment.

Let’s begin with the person who exerts control over others.  If this is you, and you’re honest enough to face it, I’m talking to you.  It could be the best growth moment you’ve ever experienced.  It could be a time when your life begins to turn massively toward you.  If you embark on the journey of making amends, sure, it will involve pain, and it will require humility, BUT you will endure it, and you will prosper immensely as a result.  The most important thing to remember is, once you’ve made the commitment to change, keep going!  Don’t look back.

If you’re known for controlling others, or maybe it’s just one person, in turning away from controlling behaviours, you’re the human manifestation of a miracle in those relationships.  It will be the most unexpected thing for the one you’re controlling to experience.  Imagine their relief, their glee, their joy, and their thankfulness toward you, if indeed these things are important to you.   

Whatever it takes for you to reflect on your controlling behaviours is less important to what motivates you to live for a purpose outside of you.  Honestly, the laws of life never change, and whether you lived 100 years ago or 100 years from now, life’s success is contained in the same things.  When you give up your control of others, you come into alignment with life’s success pattern, as far as life’s supposed to work.  It doesn’t mean a life without pain, and if anything life might be a little more painful, but life will have an immense more purpose, and purpose is the bigger narrative of life, trust me.

Control others and you waste your life.  Let go of controlling others and purpose grows.

Now, let me turn to the people who are sick of being controlled by others.  It’s painful avoiding unsafe people and unsafe situations.  It’s exhausting trying to understand how a controlling person thinks and behaves.  It’s exhausting physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.  It causes hypervigilance and disordered anxiety.  It’s disabling to mental health, and it crushes confidence, leading to depression.

But it’s empowering and confidence-building to imagine you have power to resist those who exert control over your life, but it does require courage and a commitment to keep going.

It’s not only your right to live free of another person’s control over you, but it’s also something worth committing to.  It’s worth getting support for.  It’s worth committing to the journey of escaping that person’s control.  It’s worth working toward.  It begins with a decision, and I can honestly encourage you by saying that once that decision is made, God will lead you toward the freedom you crave.

While we’re at it, there are circumstances in all our lives that have a hold over us.  If it’s not people who are controlling us, and it’s not us controlling others, it might be that we’re captive to other bonds that control us.  Perhaps it’s money.  Maybe it’s loss.  If it’s money and we’re held by a dream of future, only you can make the call as to whether it’s worth it or not.  Maybe it’s a path you’ve committed to that’s a good path and it would make no sense to turn back now; that’s not controlling, and the last thing you’d want to do is give up and potentially be dominated by regret.  Control is a contemptible and life-crushing force, and we need to rid ourselves of it if we want to live free.

At the end of a year, we’re all thinking about the things we want in the New Year, and especially of the things we need to let go of.  What is it about your life right now, or who is it, that is controlling you?  It doesn’t need to be that way.

It’s time to live free, to live with more purpose, to be more motivated, to experience more hope, more joy, more peace.  This truly is the best of life.  But we cannot do this until we get free of controlling elements in our lives.