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Thursday, October 31, 2019

when power and loyalty became more important than truth

There’s a dark undercurrent in the malaise. There’s a drone that can be discerned. The end is nigh. When power and loyalty become more important than truth, the Lord is coming. (This article is so hard to write.)
I now know so many people for whom the church is a club vested in power and loyalty. Yes, I know, birds of a feather and all that. I know there are many people in the church who go through their whole entire lives happily content singing songs on Sundays, going to their small groups, having lovely afternoon teas, and are challenged regularly by the Word. That used to be many of us. We’re thankful and not just a little envious.
But when we talk about a burnout or kickout rate of pastors that’s as high as 50 percent, there’s something atrociously wrong. “Oh, those ones weren’t ‘made of the stuff’,” which properly situated highlights a narcissistic view that pastors are “special” or somehow “superior.” And when pastors who were burned out or kicked out hear that, they and their families, are abused all over again. They gave their lives to their ministries. It wasn’t Christ who expected more from them than they could give, it was the institution.
When countless thousands are sexually abused, and hundreds of thousands are spiritually abused, when churches resemble clubs, and the power is bestowed in few or one. Narcissism rises. It must because power is too much of a temptation, and loyalty wins the weak favour.
When money is the driver, and manipulation is the means, and when the faithful don’t even know. The degree of “gifting” involved in an altar call, or swooning the crowd for a “love offering”… once you’ve seen it, you cannot unsee it. Not all, but many are peddlers in the subtlest and loveliest coercion, helping the pure heart feel guilty in just the right sort of way. And then they get their relief having given many times more than they could afford, because they’re reminded about the widow and those last two mites she gave.
When abuses are forgivable, but then silences bring a mountain of contemptuous disdain. Until you’ve been there you don’t know how much worse for a survivor is the silence and lack of repentance.
When abusers garner support and use their minions to quash the empath’s sensitive spirit for the umpteenth time, and trolls patrol the fringes of “cherished” institutions.
When PTSD and C-PTSD are on the rise, and what was considered “family,” parents of which divorce their children on a whim. Oh, you “dedicated” a family member did you, into “the family,” and then burn us all the following year. How can that not create trauma? You love with the appearance of Christ’s perfect love and then behave in hateful ways. Psychologists have malevolent terms for that.
When church has utterly crucified the faith of the faithful.
When the vulnerable are gun-shy and find it tremendously difficult to know Christ through their experiences of church, let alone know his comfort, and give him their trust. Of course, the Twitter troll has an answer for that: “They never knew Jesus.” How dare you. Matthew 18:6-9 was written for people who behave like you do. 
When the captives are kept imprisoned, and when the poor have proclaimed to them a belligerent gospel, and when the blind are led by those who intentionally keep people blind, and to keep the oppressed in bondage.
When power and loyalty become more important than truth, and that’s the face of Christendom right now, that’s a “movement” that has to be crucified so Christ can truly rise again and reclaim his church.

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Cover-ups and complicity show contempt for God’s Kingdom

I’ve followed Diane Langberg long enough to understand that there’s a narcissistic machine that often underlies the narcissistic Christian leader. If there’s not, there’s no hope for such an entitled, exploitative, unempathetic leader to survive.
But narcissistic leaders do thrive where groupthink reigns; where all the leaders under a key leader are merely puppets of his will. Cover-ups and complicity are inherent to the culture.
Acts of obedience are the direct interest of all who call Christ their King, but these can quickly be skewed when subtle forms of abuse are apparent. And the subtler they are, the more malevolent and harder to root out they become.
So, let’s unpack this bolt of fire from the keyboard of the person I consider to be the most pivotal and poignant Christian voice within the world of advocacy for abuse and trauma today:
“When we as a body of Christ cover-up or are complicit with the evils of abuse we have joined ourselves to the Prince of Darkness, NOT the God of all Light.”— Diane Langberg, PhD.
As diligent Christians we are easily hoodwinked into “obeying” God in our diligent followship of, in this case, a narcissistic leader. We may not even know, because if we did, we would need to deal with our consciences.
The more compliant the body of Christ is, the more impressive the key leader is, the bigger the potential issue.
Let’s face it, it’s easier—far, far easier—to make a stand that won’t get you in hot water, fired, or threaten your church membership, or your ministry and family security.
If we make a stand against a narcissistic system we stand to be scapegoated; the sins of the institution are sent on the back of the goat Azazel, into the wilderness, so the institution can breathe easier knowing their “sins” are “atoned” for (see Leviticus 16:8). We read the term “scapegoat” the way that it’s used in the wrong way, but the original scapegoat was evil—that sin did NEED to be sent away. The problem is, and this happens all the time, narcissistic institutions send an innocent person, couple or family out, all the while protecting the very ones who, before God, ought to be swiftly brought to account.
Leaders who ask (read, “require”) their people to kowtow to a policy that sees people excommunicated, silenced, isolated and excluded, especially where there’s no recourse for disagreement, are a major concern. Yet, a lot of this goes on in secrecy, and only those in the purple circle know anything about it, and it’s their nature to protect their power.
It’s so sad that it’s usually very well-meaning Christians who are duped the most. And that’s most of us.
“I mean, how on earth is OUR pastor like that? That man could not abuse anyone! He’s nothing but a beautiful man, so humble, and his sermons… we are so lucky to have SUCH a gifted pastor… well, we ARE a special church, after all.”
(There’s the narcissistic echo of a droning dark machine in these few sentences.)
Well, appearances are deceptive. Remember, for everyone, it’s easier to go with the flow. Consciously or subconsciously we know we’re going the more comfortable route, and we abide conveniently within the biases without discerning the depth of the falsehood.
Why? Because to rock the boat means taking a personal fall. And who would do that? There is too much to lose. Can you see how much of a threat it is to speak your mind? It will get you worse than absolutely nowhere.
Except, this.
It’s building for the Prince of Darkness.
As we turn away from the possibility that we might be missing at least a portion of the truth, we show contempt for God’s Kingdom.
What we desperately need in our churches and Christian communities is space for vociferous disagreement, time and grace to settle divisive issues, where openness and transparency characterise the culture, where leaders constantly reject the temptation to misuse their power, and where the institution is set up to guard against abuses of power.

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Yes, pastor, your character is expected to match your giftedness

On a day where we discovered an abusive ex-pastor was back in the pulpit, God puts two quotes unrelated to the topic matter in front of me; I think the Spirit may be revealing something:
“I value the anointing, but if the anointing on your life only heals the sick, casts out devils, and causes you to preach with power but yet you still have poor character, are unfaithful and lack integrity you need to sit down.” — Chris Mathis.
“Sit down.” Could that mean “go home”? I do think so. Of the recent case, the one who said to the other, “go home,” should in fact be the one to go home. He should sit down. His character and that of his buddies was found wanting. It is HE that disqualifies himself.
Here’s the second one:
“When someone is particularly gifted verbally and theologically, it is easy for us to assume maturity. The ability to articulate theological truths well does not necessarily mean that one is an obedient servant of God.” — Diane Langberg, PhD.
With our BS gear engaged, most of us with any gift of discernment smell something fishy in someone who is particularly gifted and charming. The charmer is also usually the narcissist, because, let’s face it, someone with integrity doesn’t need to add charm; they have charm that surpasses worldly charisma that charlatan leaders have in spades. The charmer woos the crowds who cannot see the fakery, many for whom it really does not matter.
But, of course, it matters! It has always mattered, and it will never stop mattering.
It’s at this point that God reveals Matthew chapter 7, verses 21, 22 and 23.
Hear what Jesus says, you abusive pastors: 
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’  Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’
“ONLY THE ONE WHO DOES THE WILL OF MY FATHER…”
The unique thing about pastoral ministry is the need of its proponents to match gifts with character, which is a sharp call on some who are without doubt very gifted intellectually.
With no doubt whatsoever, the sharp theological mind is a gift, but the heart is anything but, for the heart requires work, and heart work is hard, for it demands humility—not the appearance of humility, which is false humility.
There are many ordinary persons, however, who have been blessed with extraordinarily diligently obedient hearts, who sense with feelers of empathic humility. Their moral warehouses are both plentiful and functional and they’re likely very sensitive individuals; usually most prone to being abused, who wouldn’t cope with even the thought of abusing another person.
This one, and not the charismatic one, is more and most fit for ministry, which involves the inherent task of stewarding souls for the Kingdom. It’s a selfless call, because ministers are constantly called to be ‘less than’ so others can be ‘more than’.
~
More and more in the present and coming days will we come to expect leaders’ characters to more than match their giftedness.
More and more, it’s hoped, we become intrinsically more sceptical when a Christian leader is especially charming.
And may the charm we grow to be fond of be a humble charm of one who is beyond reproach through being extraordinarily ordinary and certainly no generator of ‘fans’.

Friday, October 25, 2019

Adults, stop traumatising children by expecting them to be adult

Here’s a scenario I see all too commonly.
Father or mother, grandfather or grandmother, or caregiver (including teachers, child care workers, dance teachers, sport coaches, scout leaders, etc) traumatising a child in their care by expecting too much of them, and then when they react poorly it’s a secondary abuse of verbal tirades and threats—further exasperating them. I have seen children as young as 12 months old, barely walking, absolutely beside themselves in the torment of an abusive care; any and every adult in ear shot completely conflicted and confounded for a response. The child affected is traumatised and thinking others are also traumatised vicariously, especially other children who look on.
I wonder in these moments if these grown up children caregivers know the damage they’re inflicting or whether they care. If only they’d reach out. I’d love more opportunities to get to the child’s level, quicken them to safety’s peace, and do whatever I could to usher a sense of security into their little, vulnerable bodies and minds.
Trauma is trauma. Whether a child is sexually abused, the subject of neglect through adults’ caregiver addiction or gross neglect of overt physical harm, it’s all academic. The eggshell skull rule dictates that levels of abuse are surprisingly arbitrary, and what affects one in a minor way will affect another in a major way, and it is known that no one is ‘stronger’ than the other!
The impact of one abuse on two different persons will remit two entirely different traumas and those impacts cannot be predicted beforehand and, of course, it’s too late once the damage has been done.
At least as far as it depends on the care of the child, it is reprehensible that a child will be berated beyond their capacity for response.
To expect a toddler to communicate the complexity of their emotions, for instance, is ludicrous; yet, how many times have I heard a parent/grandparent/caregiver shout into the little one’s face, “What’s with the *&%$# attitude—I’ll give you something to cry about?!”
Really anyone who is entrusted with the care of a child, especially when it’s you and only you there, where the child is completely vulnerable to your real treatment of them, ought to be caring for the child as God cares for us. Be mindful your care of the child is seen by God!
All I can offer at these times is a slightly threatening stare, but I wish I had the words and actions that would bring stern reflection for change, but I fear if I said anything, I’d only make matters worse. If I’ve had the opportunity, I’ve gone in and pacified the situation by way of distraction, which has worked on several occasions, hundreds in fact as I reflect, where I’ve sought to bring peace where there is chaos and fear.
It should be obvious to any thinking adult when a child is exasperated. We know what it feels like. Try having about a quarter of the empowerment and agency and we may remember how little control over the world a child has.
Especially for the truant and rebellious child we need to ask what abuse they’ve already met and what trauma they’ve already borne. We must learn to convert our question of “What’s wrong with you?” to “What has happened to you?”
I know as a parent myself some of the shameful things I’ve done years ago when I lost my temper; when I was a different man. Thankfully I think my adult daughters have largely forgiven me for the occasions I exasperated them.
I’m in the unenviable position, post-conversion, that I’ve gone from someone who didn’t believe in counselling to being a passionate advocate for truth and the need of counselling.
~
Because this is ‘my voice’, I can say this unequivocally… a message for those who do not yet revere the awesome responsibility of raising children:
Caregivers, grow up! If you have vulnerable ones in your care, it’s YOUR job not theirs to model adult attitude and behaviour. You’re leading them. You don’t have the right to expect them to match you in any way; physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. To expect that is an attitude of abuse. To insist they do so is the behaviour of abuse. And you WILL traumatise them, and you may rue your actions now, because the cycle will continue into the next generation.
The traumatised child is put on a set-and-forget path that can never be completely undone. Does that matter to you? If it does, seek help. If it doesn’t, I do pray that you lose the right to ‘care’ for those in your charge.

Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash

Thursday, October 24, 2019

What is the gift of prophetic encouragement and how is it used?

Everyone has this gift lingering inside them. Only some use it. And of those who do use it, they don’t use it all the time. It isn’t one of those gifts that God sprinkles over a few “special ones.” No, this gift is given in stereo across the breadth of humanity.
But this gift requires humility, as any gift does.
Gifts are for others. They make us humble. Gifts come forth out of love to and for others when others come first, through our expressed acts of love. Gifts are from God. Gifts are for others.
So, the first hint about this spiritual gift is it’s those blessed with humility who use it best; or, better put, humility is in any of us, when we put others first to the degree that we do acts of love toward them.
See what Rick Warren says in describing what I call prophetic encouragement:
Jesus called Peter a “rock” when the fisherman was still acting on impulse (Matthew 16:18), and God called Gideon a “mighty man of courage” when he was hiding from the enemy (Judges 6:11-12).
Prophetic encouragement expresses the positive potential we see in another person, which builds them up, causing them to grow further into that vision of that gifting we see in them. If God did this for Peter and Gideon, calling them what they would be at a future time, modelling just the right way of doing it, we certainly can.
See how prophetic encouragement encourages through the potential that is seen?
See how God called these two men better names than at the time they deserved?
See how the Holy Spirit calls us to the same ministry of seeing, which is prophecy, and encouragement, which is equipping?
I commonly use prophetic encouragement before a person has acted that way, as a way of calling them to self-awareness; that they might say, “Wow, this person saw THAT in me! I wonder if it’s true? I liked the feeling of that encouragement. I want to become more like he just said I was.”
If the word of encouragement sticks, it’s from the Holy Spirit and they go on to express what I prophesied, but if it doesn’t stick, I accept it wasn’t of God.
If we see someone has the capacity for kindness, and yet they haven’t been very kind, but suddenly we see them do an act of kindness, it’s encouraging for them when we point that kindness out.
I know a particular female pastor (a former teacher) who does this extremely well; she hasn’t chosen to criticise people when they perhaps would have deserved it, but she has pounced on times when they did the right thing, to make an example of that right thing. “That, did you see that; I did,” is what that says to me, with her big encouraging smile of loving goodness.
What a beautiful way to shepherd people in a particularly trying world. To wait for the time of encouragement, praying that it would arrive, that we’d be ready, and then to utter a timely kindness.
In a world that often rewards the wrong behaviour, we can see here how much better it is to ignore that which would only demoralise someone in favour of calling attention to what we want more of.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Just in case you or I don’t make it

There is so much I want and feel I need to say. Too many things.
This is for the irreconcilable moment where sadness attends and insists on staying.
This is for the time when it’s too late. A whisper from heaven to let you know.
This is for those times when you wonder. Are we ‘okay’? Without a moment’s hesitation—with no reservation—yes, we are, unequivocally.
For all those times that were—times locked firm in the past, undoable by the nature of time and history—we were more, much more, in our hearts, for each other, than those times.
If I don’t make it, I want you to know that our love will never change. I know you will keep loving me. If you don’t make it, I want you to know our love will never change. I will keep loving you.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Sing this song of love over your loved ones

Here is a prayer to sing over those you love.
Oh love, I love you with such an indescribable love that words cannot express, nor can action show, what I have in my mind and heart for you, that I just wish I could do and continually do and never stop doing, for you.
I wish it were the case that I could say and do all the things that I think and feel toward you, and for you, and with you, never acting against you.
My heart longs for the situation where you are at peace, where all about you is hope, and truly all you experience is joy. My soul yearns for radiance to shine forth through you, that all your dreams would come to be within reach and be able to be fulfilled, that all about you would be vivacity, buoyant vulnerability and vision.
But so very sadly, it is to be, and is actually the case, that life cannot ever be like this. This fact leaves me bereft of response, saddened for a reality I would want to reverse.
It causes my heart pain simply to acknowledge that life cannot be controlled to the extent with which I would want your life blessed. If I want this for you, truly I would do anything to help you to bring it about, if only I could. I would do this. If only I could.
My heart aches and groans for the fact that yours does. And my mind doesn’t stop thinking about you. My grimaces of anguish suffer for the sole purpose that you are still not where you want to be. I want it for you… so much!
But let me sing this song over you.
Let me sing a song of hope and of peace and of joy, so you would know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am for you and never against you.
Even if I acted in a way that would leave you doubtful, I do hope and pray that part of you will see that my intent cannot help but love you.
Let me sing this song over you.
Let my prayer of love soothe your senses and fill your void. And if only it could! Surely I know in fact, even as I muse on the theory, that all of what I say is an aspiration, but it is still the devotion of love the drives my heart interminably toward you. For you. With you. By your side. Always.
I cannot bear for you to be in pain, but I realise and recognise and accept that I cannot control every nuance or semblance of reality. My heart is charged to want good for you, and to keep believing in you, no matter what, and my belief in you will never fail, even if it is that you thought that I did give up on you. I never will.
I pray that you would grant me the benefit of the doubt when I disappoint you, but even if you don’t, I will keep trying anyway, because my love for you means more to me than life itself.
I’m captivated by love for you. My life is absorbed in yours, and yet, even as I think, I’m so blessed by the love that God poured out my way by the very thought of you in my mind, and what God gave me as you rest indelibly on my heart. This thought gives me such gratitude.
But my song for you remains. My spirit will go with you, whether I’m here or at home with the Lord. You will always have me, even when you don’t. My love will remain, it will abide, it will go on, ever and ever, for you, for your ‘ever’, before we are reunited in the heavenlies.
I do thank God for this love in my heart for you that connects me to life itself.

Photo by Jamez Picard on Unsplash

Saturday, October 19, 2019

Why we MUST love one another

We must love one another simply because the issue of vulnerability, or the potential vulnerability, or the past vulnerability of people will mean that those negative experiences have meant that the last thing they need is for us to add to their burden.
This means none of us can afford to wear even more than we’ve worn. And none of us can afford to put onto another person more than they’re already wearing.
For this reason, it is imperative that we love people with every ounce of encouragement that we can give them, because in assuming that there is vulnerability (loss, abuse, mental illness, etc) in a person’s past or present or future, we know that we cannot add to that trauma, for reasons that would be obvious. 
We do not need to put ourselves in harm’s way by becoming a protagonist when in the same moment and vein we could very easily become an instrument of peace and healing and of hope in their lives.
It is therefore the best and only way of Christian discipleship with others to love them with the love that Christ loves us with which is the Father’s love for Christ himself.
You may ask what about the truth? Sometimes we need to love people with the truth. Of course, we do. What I suggest is an equal blend of love and truth, to the measure that truth is honoured, and love is not betrayed, is an ‘equal’ mix of 49% truth with 51% love. See how not all things when being equal are equal?
A truth honoured where love is not betrayed is a firmly gentle communication, characterised by patience and perseverance. If a truth were to burn the person, we ratchet back. We don’t always get it right, of course. So, having burned a person, we go back and make amends.
Sometimes I’ve sought to love people with the truth and gotten the mix wrong—perhaps it was 51% truth, or 60%, or 90%. When love was minimised and truth appeared too strong, truth wasn’t appreciated. It’s not to say there can’t be eventual or overall benefit, but we need to recall Jesus’ final command wasn’t, “Truth one another,” but “Love one another.” Yet, in all this we need to acknowledge just how much speaking the truth IS love.
We MUST love others simply because there is already too much pain in this world; there is already too much grief, too much existential confusion, too much lack of meaning and purpose. There are weary people everywhere. None of us can assume that others are impenetrable and resilient. The safer assumption is that they aren’t. 

Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

Friday, October 18, 2019

Those behaving narcissistically self-select

Here it is in the first line: call someone narcissistic. If they’re upset, yell, kick and scream, sob pathetically, and more so, refuse to look at their behaviour that bears narcissistic qualities, i.e. they are behaving narcissistically, then they’re behaving narcissistically. (The repetition is intentional.)
I am deliberately avoiding the term “narcissist” for the purposes of this exercise.
Narcissistic behaviour is
entitled in exploitative ways
revealing zero empathy.
But the darkest narcissistic behaviour
feigns empathy majestically,
exploits covertly,
even as it appears to care greatly,
and is founded and grounded in entitlement.
Now, if someone is mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy, this can be checked; we see it in their behaviour. They are perfectly willing and able to go within.
What do I mean by going within? Not to those safe and warm places where the tentacles of feeling are soothed, where all manner of drugs will stimulate; not where gooey poetry streams forth in fleetingly joyous overtures (interspersed by fits of rage). No, by going within, I mean going into the pain, to bear the presence of ugly realities, to be true to trauma experienced, to bear one’s shame and guilt and fear.
By the particular context we’re in, this means going within to genuinely and humbly explore and actually investigate for the presence of narcissistic behaviours that might reveal narcissistic attitudes that might be a beacon for narcissistic character traits.
To go within is to go on a quest for healing, admitting and accepting that healing is needed. That, in and of itself, is antithetical to narcissistic character. To be able to admit and accept the need for help.
That takes humility, courage and honesty. Not everyone can go there, and certainly not the person presenting narcissistically. And if they go there, can they stay there?
The person behaving narcissistically cannot go there and stay there. Well, it’s a toss-up whether they cannot or will not. The money’s an each-way bet. They cannot see it, nor are they prepared to.
Now a person who is behaving narcissistically may or may not be characterised as narcissistic. It all depends on their response. If a person who is called narcissistic takes it on the chin (they’re allowed to be disappointed and hurt), and they resolve in humility to take an honest look, to do what the AAs call a rigorous moral inventory, honest enough to find some things to work on, then they de-select themselves from the narcissistic cohort.
Importantly, however, they need to be characterised by having the ROUTINE ability to go within—they can and do go there routinely—and honestly self-assess their behaviour, especially as it impacts on others. And then they don’t leave it at self-assessment; they seek honest feedback from others. They feel sorrow for hurting others to the degree that they change their behaviour. It’s no good if they see the hurt they cause, yet cannot and do not change. The hurt is simply repeated. No, they seek to make restitution and they ensure they make amends.
Do you see a fascinating paradox emerge?
There are times when we can appear to behave somewhat narcissistically; but there needs to be a check on the three E’s: Entitlement, empathy and exploitation. A certain entitlement in abusive spaces is to be expected. Entitlement to be respected and understood, for instance, in environments where there is scant, fleeting or conditional respect, and no desire from the other party to understand.
But the tell-tales of true narcissistic behaviour are the capacity to exploit situations and people, caused from a lack of empathy—an intrinsic lack of care and concern that translates into impact upon people, especially loved ones, which further translates in them being a bringer of pain.
So, the characteristic of looking entitled, in and of itself, isn’t enough to pinpoint what would be considered narcissistic behaviour. Again, there are a range of motives for why someone would act entitled, including, as a response to abuse.
Only the one who sees themselves honestly, their real flaws, can refute the tag “narcissist”. Only the one who cannot bear the exploitation of others; who cannot help but be empathetic; who can see when they’re acting entitled.
Those who behave narcissistically self-select the label “narcissist” by behaving narcissistically. It’s the behaviour itself that speaks for itself.
We can and should trust what we can observe.

Photo by Jeroen Bosch on Unsplash

Thursday, October 17, 2019

A torrent of blessing… IF you don’t give up

God spoke to me these words: “See what happened there; the attack was incessantly furious, wasn’t it? Yet, how did you respond? I know, but have you noticed yet? You did not give up, so I’m coming through for you… now watch!”
Of course, you know these moments, because you see them through the rear-view mirror of your own life. We all know those times when we could have reacted in a desperate overture of anger or despair that spoke only of a fearful and resonating hopelessness. 
Those times when we could have but didn’t.
As tsunamis and landslides and hurricanes and floods cannot be stopped, acts of God as the world insurance industry refers to them, God’s favour toward those who patiently persevere cannot be stopped. God’s will cannot be thwarted.
A torrent of blessing is coming… IF you don’t give up. IF in the circumstance of your exhaustion, bewilderment, grief, depression, etc, we don’t resign from the purposes of hope. 
So, knowing all will be set right, we don’t. We keep hoping onward beyond the torment, reminding ourselves of our resources of patience and quiet and honest strength.
We take that situation audaciously, as just the situation we were waiting for, as look at the enemy and say, “You’re on!” That’s right, it was no curse, because it was our opportunity. We don’t fight with the weapons of this world. We fight with the patient fortitude of a grace that is sufficient for us. The world looks on as if to say, “Are you for real? How do you slay this evil with a smile?”
It was what was hatched in the beginning as the conquest set before us.
To be crushed? No, it’s not about that, at all. That’s the reality that has beset us, for sure, but there’s more ahead, if only we can bear the present moment in gentle patience and perseverance.
This moment that has hit us, this reality of torment, precedes the very torrent of blessing that is coming forth toward us, that again, cannot be stopped. The moments ahead are not easy, but they will be worthwhile in the overall plan of our redemption.
We look not for reward, but we are assured that reward is coming. We are assured that a torrent of blessing is rushing toward us, just like that unstoppable tsunami, and once it sweeps in, we shall see from that Mountaintop. All was worth it.
This is our hope even as we prevail without a hope in this world.
See how the Kingdom is advancing and sweeping up the captives, carrying us to safety and security, converting our hardship and misery into sweet droplets of blessing, a vision building even as we wait and toil.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Sunday, October 13, 2019

The who, what, when, where, how and why of Triggers

Life takes its toll on all of us. And that toll is often borne out from trauma into triggers, from our minds to our bodies, from our attitudes to our behaviours, at light speed, like a flash on a camera.
That toll, when it was too much for us, is revealed through the visible manifestation of trauma.
The toll is taken,
it’s transmuted into trauma, and
ongoing effect is felt through triggering.
When we’re triggered
When we’re triggered one or more of a number of things can happen, from freezing in thought or action (or both); to fighting through anger which comes more from anguish and utter confusion than through wanting to be violent, because there is an itch that cannot be scratched; to fleeing through all manner of denial, escape to sheer panic attack.
It occurs and we may run without a thought to food or drink or drugs or video games or shopping or some other crutch. Being triggered sets off a chain reaction of responses that seem beyond our control. We run to comfort, no matter the negative consequences of our behaviour.
Being triggered can often feel like and often is borne out of spiritual attack, when we feel threatened, whether the threat is real or not. In actual fact, the very nature of spiritual attack is it’s a threat we cannot see, feel, taste, touch or hear; we sense it in our spirit. It doesn’t get much more disconcerting than that.
Being triggered is scary, because, though we suspect we know what is happening, we can feel hopelessly out of control, we feel exposed and vulnerable, and we may often feel embarrassed and incredibly silly.
When we’re triggered, we hardly recognise or acknowledge that most if not all people have triggers. We may feel as if it’s only us that has this ‘silly’ weakness.
What is a trigger? Why do we have them? Can we lessen their impact?
Well, it’s the body’s adapted physiological response to trauma. Because trauma was unconscionable, and the mind could not cope with it, we developed a way of coping that is far from ideal. When we are triggered (re-traumatised) our minds switch us straight into this learned response.
Tracking back from the triggering is the key to learning what trauma we met in the past and how we might better understand it. When we better understand what sweeps us off our feet by what cut us off at our knees, we have a better chance in future through using our mind to gradually respond better, little by little as we adjust our coping style.
How should we respond when we’re triggered?
These are the nuts and bolts of where we start in reconciling those things that happen that are beyond our control. So, how do we manage our responses to the things we cannot control? Great question!
In the early going, when we’re first discovering what triggers are and how they collapse our world in a second, we need to be gentle with ourselves and take the pressure off ourselves. Inevitably we may find we can talk ourselves through it. A trusted and competent psychologist will help.
As we gain more knowledge about ourselves, and more knowledge about the antecedent trauma, and having accepted it, we’re given ways, through prayer, to respond better, through practice.
Most of all, we need to be reminded that being triggered is not our fault. We are all wired to be able to cope with so much; any more than that, and trauma occurs. It’s therefore not us, but the experiences we had.
Our journey’s in forgiving those experiences and learning how we can respond better.
Where does triggering most often occur?
When we’re feeling unsafe, vulnerable in a situation, or particularly when we’re surprised or didn’t anticipate a thing happening, that’s when a trigger is most likely to occur.
There are places we may go, places associated with trauma, where our mere presence in that place will raise us to alert.
Then there’s a particular person or persons. Those who have threatened us or who have posed as a threat—and this is often the case, when we just discern something is off about a person—are a major cause of triggering.
Sometimes it’s a task that we do, or an activity that brings it on.
And very often it’s the case that all kinds of stimuli can cavort together to bring on a time of triggering.
Whether it’s a situation or a person or a task or anything else, it’s not good to remain in such an environment. Wisdom dictates we’re always better off in safety.
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When we notice someone behaving out of character, or responding without thought or by instinct, in ways that could mean they’re being triggered by their trauma, the compassionate approach is to keep them safe, offer them comfort, to be gentle with them.
I know personally that enduring a season of feeling triggered can leave my body feeling bruised and battered, and most often not physically, but spiritually. Somehow in being triggered repetitively, the body bears the brunt of what we cannot cope with. And to recover, we need time to reconnect with our bodies—our physical self.

Photo by Ariana Prestes on Unsplash