I’ll never forget the person who came to me once and told me about their manager who called them a name, in jest of course, for their “flip-flopping” attitude. It seemed that they were given to changing their mind on occasion.
But I’ve also seen this happen a LOT in Christian contexts to defame.
Worry about the church leader or church member who find a passage of scripture with which to weaponise for their barbs. In such a local case, it’s like saying, “You’ll never get what you want if you’re always ‘tossed around like a wave on the sea’. You must learn to be more stable.”
But let’s take a look at the passage in context:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you much believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave on the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” (James 1:2-8, verses 6-8 bolded)
Let’s work this backwards.
Who is a person “double-minded and unstable in all they do”? The one who doubts, having asked, that they’ll be given the wisdom they seek.
Whilst it might be more broadly interpreted, this passage actually has a fairly confined context — a personal prayer for wisdom.
It’s all too easy for someone to pick up the words “blown and tossed by the wind,” and “double-minded and unstable” and suddenly extrapolate that out to apply to anything related to indecision.
Think about it this way.
Our most solemn prayers are our deepest wishes. We cannot help but hold them as prayers of our heart permanently. We cannot go back on them.
For instance:
§ the man or woman who desperately seeks a husband or wife.
§ the person who desperately needs a job.
§ the couple who desperately want a baby.
§ the family who desperately want a home.
§ the incarcerated person who desperately wants their freedom.
See how our most earnest prayers are not wishy-washy. Even when we doubt, we cannot let go of them; we always come back to praying them. They’re the desires of our hearts.
While we don’t pray for genuine needs in any flippant way, we’re being hammered by our abuser for simply being indecisive.
Imagine:
§ being shamed because you changed your mind.
§ not being safe enough in your relationship with the person that you can’t have second thoughts.
§ them not respecting your ability to reflect and pivot.
Think about indecision like this.
We’re all indecisive, and while some may be more indecisive and fluid than others, it doesn’t mean they’re weaker or have less faith. It could be that they’re simply introverted and need more time to reflect.
But, lastly, think of abuse in this way. It’s always:
§ that unkindness that’s said or done that rips the air out of your sails.
§ the thing that you would never do, or if you did, would necessitate a quick and sincere apology.
§ rudeness (without apology) that the abuser believes you fully deserve (they’re NOT repentant).
Abuse like this is throwing Bible verses around with power to steal, kill and destroy.
It’s always used to:
§ give the person saying and doing it more power as they rip the little power you have away from you — stealing.
§ denigrate you at a visceral soul level — killing.
§ flip the script, gaslight you, and identify you as the bad guy — destroying.
Photo by Matt Hardy on Unsplash
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