The cosmic irony within the difficult person

We’ve all got that person in our lives who seems to exist to make others’ lives hard.  Sometimes it’s a person who’s no longer in our life, and sometimes it was us that made it that way, however arduous that process was.

The person I have in mind comes with the condition that others must always compromise but the difficult person never does.  They’re constantly talking, barking, instructing, criticising.  Others are constantly on the back foot, intimidated if they’re honest, hardly with any space to move, always having to back off and be gracious.  There is no graciousness in the difficult person.

The cosmic irony within the difficult person is that they’re a walking contradiction.

Rather than consuming the bandwidth and the airwaves as they do, they’re the ones who ought to be listening and learning, because, let’s face it, they’ve never made ANY genuine attempt at being humble.

It seems everyone around the difficult person feels the same way—intimidated, at a loss, unsafe—but nobody knows what to do to stand up to their bullish behaviour.  How can you get a word in edge-ways when the difficult person has the attention span for others of literally a few seconds?

The cosmic irony of the difficult person is that in their expertise in everything, their world revolves only around them.  In their insinuating that others are obnoxious, they’re truly the most obnoxious ones.  In their talking over others, they stand to continue to learn nothing.

For those who are difficult Christians they might seem to harm the name of Christ, yet even those who know nothing about God know that Jesus stood up to bullies like these that claim to know him.

Who is it that will stamp and kick and spit and scream when they’re cornered by the truth?

Who is it that we’re tempted to pussyfoot around and make all sorts of accommodations for?

Who is it that always blames others and can therefore not help themselves?

The person who has every moment of their lives on their own terms won’t and can’t learn.

Those who behave like a recalcitrant and yet who do change are evidence that miracles still occur, but they’re more like one in a hundred than one in five.  That’s because it takes a tremendous amount of humility and strength that difficult people just don’t have.

What can we do to bear with the difficult person in our lives?

Rarely can we change the dynamics that present easily or quickly.  We need to bear what’s difficult and pray for the wisdom to change our environment as much as we possibly can, for our own survival.

Whether it’s a workplace situation or an intimate partner, consider just about any action you commit to doing may end up backfiring against you.  That’s why I said wisdom is required.  Wisdom is applied knowledge that works.  With the difficult person, it can seem that they’re ten steps ahead, waiting to ambush us.

It’s crucial that we get the support we need through mentors, counsellors, wise older people, and peers who can empathise without getting upset.  Many times, we just need someone objective to share with or vent with.

We can also normalise our experience by reminding ourselves that difficult people are in every family, church, workplace, in every sphere of life.  They’re the entitled ones who have no interest in what others think.

Perhaps most important is to be regularly reminded that the difficult person is not our problem, so we should not assume ownership of the problems they bring or make for us.