It dawned on me afresh recently that our responses to others reveal more about us than they reveal about the person we’re reacting to.
On a worldly level, we may be forgiven — or at least understood — for reacting to others’ poor attitudes and behaviour. But our acceptance that we cannot change or control other people is made operationally noticeable here, when we do not react or respond in ways that only result in us ‘judging’ others.
The inappropriate behaviours of others are witnessed by others. We’re often not the only ones to see. And our calling these behaviours out needs to be done in such a way that we actually endeavour to hold the person doing the inappropriate behaviour to account.
There is a subtle though stark difference between highlighting behaviour to embarrass or belittle and otherwise responding in quieter ways that sincerely seek to nip the inappropriate behaviour in the bud. One response is crass, the other is transformational.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit,
a sign that wisdom reigns,
and to withhold a response
is to weigh the witness
of behaviour that all can see.
Accepting that we can no sooner control the behaviour of others as it’s already done, there is wisdom to watch and to record and to wait. As a general rule, we all reap what we sow in a cause-and-effect world; the eternal perspective from the rule of faith is that everyone will be brought to account.
Being able to allow others the dignity to behave as they decree, our focus is intrinsic to responding in ways that are right for the time and situation — not coerced by pressure to right the wrongs the way WE judge is right. Our focus is not to be deflected by our judgment of another’s action. Our focus is to be fixed on what we’re accountable for alone.
When we react to others’ behaviour, at times we get it wrong or we go over the top. It is very hard to see the error in others correctly whilst also finding the right words and deeds of response. Too many factors blur us, including our biases. And when we get it wrong — and often we will — it goes against us, not the person we’re commenting on.
When we exhibit self-control, we exhibit the peace that accepts the things we cannot change — in this case, other people’s behaviour. And we look wise, simply because we have resisted the urge to act. Much of wisdom is inaction. In life, wisdom often equates to ‘less is more’. And in the mode of inaction, reflecting and weighing whether we ought to act or not, we’re more likely to respond in good ways.
When we ‘react’ to others’ negative or inappropriate ways, we can inadvertently attract non-productive and self-defeating attention to ourselves where justice may be failed.
Considered responses give justice its opportunity that truth would reign.
