Some people love control. They cannot live without asserting their ‘authority’ over items, situations and people in their world.
It’s a vexing question... just how do we deal with these or contend for our own?
This question can be answered effectively in an unorthodox sort of way. Simply observe them in the midst of their lives. Beyond their wills they’re not controlling anything. This can almost cause us to be sad for them. It’s worse for the poor people who are married to one of these.
But, if we have the safety of distance—and we are our own persons, which helps—we can see for ourselves from our observations of them, that ‘taking control’ of life is really the wrong way. It’s the wrong path.
It will never get us indwelling peace, joy and contentment.
BEING ‘MORE GRATEFUL’...
When things are too much for us, being ‘more grateful’ is not going to be enough.
It’s hard being more grateful when gratitude has nothing to do with getting us out of the depths. Sure, it helps at times, but it’s an oversimplification we should consider dropping. It’s verging on cliché.
Perhaps empathy is a better, more generally reliable approach, at these times, than gratitude.
Having ‘more empathy’ for ourselves is against self-pity, for it is the breath of the Spirit of God working to quell us in the midst of attack and torment.
Everyone, it seems, is interested in performance.
We’re “only as good as our last game,” using a sporting analogy. This obviously breeds both pressure to perform and anxiety-causing pressure.
Form is how we do things, i.e. our techniques, as well as it’s a rating related to our performance status, i.e. we’re either ‘in form’ or ‘not in form’.
Form, as it pertains personally, is obviously a very important issue to us. The form of others, however, unless we’re in a position to be bothered about it, shouldn’t rate highly on our radars.
We cannot help being interested in our own lives if we’re psychologically healthy.
A good self-esteem will serve us better than just about anything else in life, besides a veritable faith in God which pushes us further into the stratosphere of spiritual delight and hope.
There’s nothing wrong, and everything to admire, about a humble self-love or self-belief that acknowledges that God loves us as unique and creatively-brilliant individual persons.
We are special to God whether we like to think so or not.
The events and proposition of loss is about as salient a truth as there is. There’s no coming back to the past with loss. All we can do is grapple with the present, to establish with eventuality a position of acceptance, and then redeem hope for life thereafter, embracing our futures.
Overcoming and adjusting to loss is possibly the most important practical life skill.
ON THE FLY...
When time comes to change, for instance to reorder our lives due to a relapse, we shouldn’t discount the power of changing ‘on the fly,’ that is, in the midst of the fury of life.
If we think we can, we can. It’s as simple as that really.
Knowing when and how to attack is a skill of wisdom.
Most Christians shun any form of attack, thinking it... well... ‘Unchristian’. But, the Jesus we read of in the Bible was found attacking the Pharisees and other hypocrites on occasions.
And yet he never sinned.
The key is knowing when and how. That’s the wisdom. In this case it’s wise indignation. It’s utilising a tight window of opportunity. Sometimes the only way through to some people is via an assertive counterattack. At other times the only way through is to ignore completely.
The key challenge in is learning the skill of assertiveness; we cannot just be angry back at people.
© 2010 S. J. Wickham.