How does this idea of “sex begins in the kitchen” work? We know it doesn’t mean getting creative with the utensils and appliances, but what does a woman mean when she says romance begins elsewhere than the bedroom?
These may be difficult things for men to really understand, but that shouldn’t stop us trying. A husband with potential is the desire of just about every woman’s heart.
Ideally, on the other hand, the wife who is the desire of a man’s heart doesn’t require him to change, but supports him as he tries.
So the picture we are developing is of a husband who is committed to learning and becoming better, with a wife who is committed to extending grace, never requiring change. Those two things in tension give the marriage a substance of mutual submission.
The husband submits himself to God, and to his wife, in learning to serve her. The wife submits herself to God, and to her husband, by allowing him to grow without forcing matters.
Both are required to submit. Marriage is about mutual submission.
But let’s get back onto the subject of sex—and its imminence emerging from the kitchen.
The Kitchen As an Allegory of Love
Love can begin in the kitchen or in the laundry or out in the yard, simply through the act of service; the husband plies his skill and uses his humble strength to work diligently.
It may be an old-fashioned value, but women love working men; not necessarily blue-collar men, but the willingness of a man to lead his family in cheerfully doing the tasks of the home.
Tasks like ironing, washing up, cooking, vacuuming, etc, may once have been the domain of the woman. But now no more. The issue is more about the willingness of the husband to pitch in. His heart is to help.
A woman knows she’s loved when her husband seeks to please her because he loves her. This is an act of faith for the husband, because when he does nice things for his wife she is romanced. He must be genuine, committed, sincere.
The husband never does these nice things for his wife for his personal gain. He must do them sacrificially. Wives can smell a fraud from a mile off.
Wives desire a sincere, thinking husband, who is willing to sacrifice himself in doing tasks around the home, and being actively involved in his family. When a husband acts with such integrity his sexual relationship with his wife will usually have more mutual joy and satisfaction about it.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
Acknowledgement: to my wife, Sarah.