There are very many times when being in a position of trust or authority is a trap, especially as the vulnerable within the church set-up seek psychological recompense.
People present with all manner of issue. Some of these issues have nothing to do with the real issue. The real issue can be something we need to delve deeper into to attract knowledge of its source.
When people present as troubled, it is advisable to just dig a bit deeper rather than work on the visible issue itself.
When someone presents us with a question that they may have no clear answer to, and especially if they present as perplexed, it could be our duty to acknowledge our concern and enquire of them at a deeper level.
We could ask a question or two: “How are you going? You appear upset? I’m wondering what caused you to ask this. If I give you an answer you don’t like, will it help you? I want to check on you before we continue.”
What Lies Deeper May Surprise You (and Them)
So often we have no idea what sparks the upsets and frustrations within people, or even ourselves. They, or we, may not be able to put our finger on what it is that proves troubling.
Many times we react against things that have nothing to do with our core fears.
When we get in touch with their true fear, by asking some simple questions about how they are feeling, and by slowing down the emotional gait, we offer them the opportunity to consider and decide for perspective.
When people are fearful, panicked, overwhelmed, or angry they usually respond best when we are concerned enough to want to understand them. We can help them, but first we need to define what the actual issue is, even though they often think they know.
By slowing things down, and by asking questions as to their state, within the preparedness to be with them and journey with them, there is the opportunity to divert to the deeper issue.
Beyond anger and frustration is typically an unreconciled sadness. This begs to be explored, but exploration will be resented unless we are genuinely invited in.
To be invited in we must demonstrate authentic concern and only enter upon invitation.
When people are troubled they tend to have deeper concerns than what angers, frustrates, or saddens them. When we are concerned enough for them to explore what the real issue is they may ultimately determine a better course of action. Not everything is as it initially seems.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.