A Résumé of a Narcissist partner for you, Ladies

“Ladies, anyone out there looking for an uncaring ass to belittle and control you? Do you desire a man-child to care for day and night, with no appreciation or reciprocation? Do you hate thinking and speaking? [sign-up then to a narcissistic men’s dating site]” — Jen Coles

In this rather funny though exasperated tweet, I found something of a résumé of sorts that might help ladies of all ages in finding that man that knows how much of a blessing he is to the world just by breathing and blessing others in his simply being alive. Would you suffer me a little as I attempt to write this satire?

BELITTLING AND CONTROLLING

His belittling and controlling of you is his gift of growing you out of all silly sensitivity, for he knows that your empathy is a weakness, and he is toughening you up a little... well, actually, it’s a lot of toughening up he’s trying to do, because heck, he’s generous!

So, just please be grateful for small mercies, in that at least he’s taking some time to talk with you, isn’t he? He’s being honest with you, isn’t he? Even if it does feel cruel, especially when he does it in such a way to feign that he cares, isn’t it true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Now, be thankful for the investment he’s making into you!

Sorry, the above description failed for the fact we didn’t sing the virtues of his controlling you. Here goes! The fact that he won’t let you have control over your own life shows how MUCH he loves you.

Now, he cannot bear for you to think independently because he’s that committed to the bondage between you both, which is something he’s given his whole life and no end of commitment to achieving. That’s how MUCH he loves you. He won’t allow you to be controlled by just anyone. It just must be him that does it, just to show you how infatuated he is about this bond between you both that shall remain until your death do you part!

HIM BEING THE PROPER MAN-CHILD FOR YOU TO CARE FOR

Okay, now we’ve done belittling and controlling, we can move on to him being the man-child you’ve always wanted to complete you.

He’s someone you’ve always wanted to dote over, who can train you in how to look after kids before you have them, and who will be someone who will keep you in tune after you have them.

He will properly exasperate both you and the children and this will teach you patience, which is a fruit of the Spirit, and so therefore he’s sanctifying you! He cares that much for your holiness that he won’t allow you to be waited on.

He knows that if he shows you any appreciation that you won’t grow through the blessed hardship he’s only too well pleased to provide you with. And for him to reciprocate would defeat the purpose of him being in your life. He believes steadfastly in being consistent so at least you always know where you stand—most definitively as his unequal.

HATING THINKING AND SPEAKING

This brings me to hating thinking and speaking. Isn’t is a relief that he won’t require you to think and speak. He’s saving you from using your pretty brain. He’s keeping you from using your precious effort. And you’re saved from potentially being wrong, which he most assuredly will point out for you, just so you don’t stay wrong, for that would be a travesty. He comes determined to fix you!

Just think of all those wearying thoughts you no longer need to think. Imagine all those words you’ll forget you said, if you needed to say them. Well, now you know you don’t need to say them. They can’t be that important if they’ve coming out of your mouth. And envisage, for your benefit, if he doesn’t need to correct what you say, he won’t need to gaslight you! That saves him AND you!

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This is obviously satirical look at what a narcissistic male might aspire to within the realm of marriage. Very sadly, this is precisely what some men think in approaching relationships with women.

There are certainly narcissistic women who lord it over their men. I want to acknowledge that fact for the men out there who deserve better.

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The résumé of a worthy partner includes treating their partner with respect, controlling nobody, being responsible for his/her own care as well as being willing and able to care for others, and appreciating and valuing the thoughts, words and deeds of their partner and others.

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash