The vexatious spirit who causes the worst psychological abuse

When we find ourselves in relational situations where a person consistently corners us, and we feel that any response is a response to avoid, we face a dilemma that isn’t easy to resolve.  There are people with whom we relate with who force us into either submission or aggression, and neither response will satisfy them.  Indeed, we can very well feel that they are goading us on purpose.  There is a dominating nature about them.  And it is only ever you who is the problem.  Only you, never them.

There is a vexatious spirit in the psychological abuse.  They appear set on creating chaos out of any order in your life.  These are some of the signs that are evidence of what you’re dealing with if you’re under the tyranny of vexatious psychological abuse:

1.             you feel like you’re under observation at all times in their presence; there seems to be no escape and you can only ever be mistaken or wrong (and when they’re not present with you, don’t put it past them to have you watched)

2.             whenever they are absent there is relief, but only when you know they are well clear, and never to the point where you feel free

3.             when they reappear, or even as you anticipate they’ll be back soon, your hackles go up immediately, and you notice an instant increase in your anxiety

4.             you are automatically protective of those you love when you’re all in this person’s presence, yet you are required to manage an impossible balance between staying silent and protesting to counter their aggression

5.             you are ‘responsible’ for managing their anger, because anything you do can incite them to rage – they are like little children, just in very big and dangerous bodies

6.             then there’s the opposite silent treatment, where you don’t hear from them for an indeterminate time – and so many times you’ve been tempted into saying sorry.  You took responsibility for what wasn’t yours, yet again

7.             they use what is yours freely and openly as if it is theirs, but anything of theirs must be paid back, and there will be retribution for any delay

8.             the pattern of opposites continues in jealousy and envy.  They cannot stand you to have anything that they don’t have, and friendships you have are subject to their suspicion – the more trust you have for anyone else, the worse it gets

9.             they may insist on using what you have at their will, and there may not be any limit to how they will want to occupy or control your mind, your body, and ultimately your soul

10.          none of this occupation or control gives them any ultimate satisfaction.  Indeed, it drives them into even more disgust for you, which is actually more appropriately a self-disgust in many of these narcissists.  For the fact that they have control, they create two or more miserable (and scared) human beings

11.          of course, they are also often name-callers and back-biters and back-stabbers, and they’re masters of duplicity

Even if there is a hint of truth in these characterisations of another person you are relating with, you have grounds for enquiry and action.  Of course, you have learned through being punished to be wise, and you have learned a great deal of discernment in how to deal with them in a way to protect them (and you and your loved ones) from blowing up.

The vexatious spirit in much psychological abuse cannot be tamed.  If only such a spirit could be honest, but they cannot, because their behaviour is reprehensible.  The more diabolical the behaviour, the less likelihood of insight and repentance.  Vexatious spirits are run away trains.  And the biggest pity about this, particularly from a co-dependence viewpoint, is that we cannot stop feeling we can help them change, when realistically we don’t stand a chance.  We cannot change their hearts, and whilst they continue to lord it over us, they can only create more damage.

Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash