For the hope of a semblance of peace and strength, especially when one is being assailed by any manner of violence, for the survivor there is a boundaried pity.
A boundaried pity will give an aspect of strength in the presence of fear. It will give some ability to remove oneself from the terror involved, even if withdrawal is impossible.
A boundaried pity is simply an attitude embedded in the truth. The abuser is pathetic. Though he or she can be accorded pity, that works only in the presence of very distinct boundaries. And depending on who you’re relating with, that could feel either doable or impossible.
The abuser is pathetic because they only live for themselves. They completely miss the purpose of life, and every joy, because they can love only themselves; which ironically is truly self-hatred. And this explains how they not only can use and abuse other human beings, but why they’re impelled to do it. They are soulless. They are completely without the heart and ability to feel all of what life could offer them. They prove this by the way they treat others disdainfully, with the experience of must devilish schadenfreude.
Because the abuser is the way they are — beyond any form of giving or receiving loving action — having no capacity to feel love or to empathise with another person’s pain — they can only be pitied and avoided. No pity without avoidance. And get true loving, trustworthy support that creates a feeling of as much safety as you can get.
A boundaried pity is a strong response to a confounding reality. Find yourself in a relationship with an abuser and so quickly you find yourself in a world of anxiety and pain.
You have done nothing wrong. You’ve been exploited. You’re entitled to safety.
Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.