Compassion for the post-traumatic stress that’s commonplace

Those of us who know anything about trauma know that trauma sticks, and past traumas can leave us susceptible to certain vulnerabilities, some around triggers, others around no-go zones, others again that impact on our mental health, and all of trauma has impacts on our relationships, too.

The truth is life leaves us scarred, whether it’s through what is seen or otherwise sensed that we shouldn’t have been exposed to (the abhorrent), what we know that we cannot unknow, how we’ve been treated, abused, manipulated, or betrayed, or loss that rips us away from the life we just were never prepared to say goodbye to.

Then there’s the vicarious trauma that we pick up through the traumas that loved ones suffer that we suffer at a deeper, more complex level because we feel the trauma and we also feel for the loved one who has been traumatised.

Then there’s the ambient stress that traumatises so many individuals who feel incapable of absorbing that stress.  It’s not easy living in today’s uncertain world.

Resilience, for want of a better word because it’s so loaded, is quite a finicky concept when it comes to trauma—for instance, people may claim they’re resilient, but they haven’t been exposed to what others have, or they bear a strength that they have no business claiming credit for.  If you’re naturally strong in any way, less is there the personal credit, and more is there the credit for Creator or genes—genetics are less to be bragged about and more to be thankful for.

From what I can see, the role of post-traumatic stress is huge in everyday life, and not everyone is aware of the role this trauma-procured stress in their lives.  If they were, there would be less self-recrimination, less self-condemnation, less judgment, less rejection, less broken relationships.

But what is really needed is first acknowledgement if what took place and second, action in the form of holding space to properly validate what’s been experienced.  This validation alone calms the person bearing the stress of the effects of trauma.

Think of times when we’ve had panic attacks, triggering, bouts of rage, overwhelm, numbness, dissociation, catatonia, etc.  Yes, these are common to the traumatic stress response.

We need to know we’re not alone in suffering stark and dark emotions that cause us to shrivel in shame, which only serves to retain us in the post-traumatic stress cycle.

We need to talk about post-traumatic stress in everyday parlance because it’s an everyday phenomenon, and instead of ostracising people who ‘react’ when they’re hypervulnerable to stress, maybe we can be empathetic enough to ask the question of ourselves: “Could it be a trauma response?”

When we consider reactions, we know fight and flight, freeze and fawn.  Fight seems obvious.  Traumatic stress causes counterattack for the perception of attack.  And in flight, people run away or withdraw in fear.  It stops many in their tracks, immobilising a response, so the response of freezing is a lack of response.  And fawning is agreeing or assenting to that which we’d prefer to reject or disagree with but feel we can’t or don’t have the power or will to.

Trauma responses are not a choice, they’re a conditioning, so the person cannot be blamed for ‘reacting’ or ‘overreacting’.

What can be done to serve the person who’s embattled in their post-traumatic stress?  Keeping our hearts open in compassion to offer the person space, particularly after their reaction when guilt and shame loom big.  Helping someone understand why they’ve responded how they have helps them know there’s a cause beneath the symptom.

Compassion always explores deeper beneath presenting problems, and looking to empathise, compassion holds space for the person needing understanding and encouragement.

Unlike in narcissistic rage or coldness where there is self-justification and no contrition, those triggered by post-traumatic stress deal with significant guilt and shame afterwards.

If it’s you that reads this and says, “there’s something in this for me,” I want to tell you personally that I’ve been there.  It’s more often the case that people have experienced post-traumatic stress than there isn’t, and particularly if you’ve borne the pressure of what has broken you, it stands to reason there’s got to be some knock-on effects.

I also want to call us to hope for recovery, knowing that as we face that which has pushed and perhaps broken us, in safe spaces with safe people, recovery is not only possible, it’s probable.

A final word for those who battle addiction of any variety.  Consider that it’s trauma that underlies the presenting problem of addiction.  It’s the same for those with personality disorders and just about every other malady.

When we acknowledge the trauma, empathy is a far easier response.