There are many ways of saying it, but “love finds itself defined in truth” is a good start. This short article will not be a perfect treatise on the matter of love within truth or truth within love, but it is no less worth writing.
Truth is an inherent part of love, and what besmirches love is conditionality — a betrayal of love — a place where conditions are or must be placed on the love. But there is generally an initiator of such conditionality in love, and the parties who respond with conditionality (the abused/neglected) always do so because of the harm the conditionality evokes.
Conditions can be placed on love, either through the initiation to love — which can make love a thing of abuse or neglect, often based in the initiator’s sense of entitlement — or through the response to love, where safe boundaries are placed in response to the initiation of conditional love.
Of course, conditional love is one antithesis of love.
Love by inherent design is sacrificial, unconditional.
Such inadequacies of love are placed there by those who have been hurt and have not healed or learned to trust again, or by those who feel entitled to love (feeling entitled to love is an antithesis of love — not recognising love’s a respect to be earned and maintained — that loving is giving without expectation of return), and by those who respond to those who feel entitled, installing boundaries for their and others’ protection.
Where there is conditionality in love, there is also conditionality of truth. People who cannot handle the truth tend to be those who initiate conditional love. And in these situations, we tend to be drawn into reciprocating part truth for part truth — it becomes a stunted relationship that cannot reach its full potential; it can feel impossible to safely reciprocate trusting the untrustworthy with truth. It can be unsafe and unwise.
There is much more that could be written here, but let me move to truth’s central role in love.
Let’s turn to the positive duty in love which finds itself enunciated in truth.
Where truth reigns in a relationship, love is supreme and the parties can live in safety and grow freely as a result.
Where love is grounded in truth is in the concept of faithfulness.
One cannot be faithful without being truthful.
Where there is faithfulness, there are no lies. The test of true love is whether there is space for lies.
A lie = any nontruth.
Of course, in our human relationships, we wrestle constantly with sin, which is that capacity in us all to do the wrong thing. Even if it’s only 2 percent wrong, it’s not right nor loving, especially because we tend to underestimate the value of our wrongs and overestimate the value of others’ wrongs. In other words, if I think I’m 2 percent wrong, I’m probably 10 percent wrong and other people may think it’s a lot more than that.
This is where love and truth are aligned. Love serves to the commitment of truth. Love doesn’t miss the mark. Love honours truth. Love duly repents to the fullest discernable measure of the truth when it is wrong.
The faithful person is the best person to be in a relationship with because they’re trustworthy.
The faithful person honours truth and therefore loves unconditionally — the best they can, and when they miss the mark, they repent (make amends).
The irony is that our task in life is to BE this person. It’s only when we’re faithful, honouring truth, fully committed to love, that we experience the fullness of peace, hope, and joy available in this life.
God blesses the faithful, and the more devoted to truth we are, the more abundant life we will experience.
POSTSCRIPT: I find it’s quite common for people to think I’m writing this about you. Truth is some of this many relate with. I wrote this as it came to me as an idea to write on, i.e., not from any actual situation in my life. It certainly doesn’t relate to any of my pastoral or chaplaincy work. What I’ve written is to be seen as observations from me, that’s all.
