2019 doesn’t seem so bad from here

How many of us who decried last year as being tough would now go back there in a heartbeat?

How many of us, when we contrast the stresses we had back then to the losses we’re having now, wouldn’t go back?

How many of us, when last year looks so benign from here, wouldn’t trip back and stay in that “safe” year?

Or any previous year for that matter?

This year puts into perspective previous years.  Anyone who can’t see that isn’t living in reality.  And yet, God is good.  All the time.

We will get through this year, of course we will, but it will be a year like no other, and do any of us see what the new normal looks like?  We don’t even have an assurance of the new normal yet.

I am taking a break from here, which is validation of a number of things.  There are new routines to establish.  There is the recognition that getting away from the noise of social media will be helpful.  And there is an ache in my heart to get away from the transitory and get back to the eternal.

There is a lot of sadness in my heart.  It is time to grieve.  But it is also time to be present and to feel that grief even as we are present with those who sorely need us and depend on us.  Today is an invitation to change.  It is an invitation to do life differently, for a while, or indefinitely.

I sense now is the time for preparation.  For what I do not know.  But just to begin to get ready.  To be quiet.  To be still.  My place is not here right now.  For how long, who knows.  I sense for everyone right now, we’re in a time of war, and when that happens it’s time to focus on family.  I sense that my connection needs and the connection needs of others who are my family will be best meet in the physical moments we have now.

So, let’s be praying for one another in the meantime.  You might not know it, but there are many of you I feel I know at least somewhat and for many of you and your families I do pray.

I am a reluctant pastor these days.  Too many battles and too many scares have caused me to wonder, “God, why me, why do you call me, I do not feel worthy or even capable of this calling very often.”  But God always teaches me something new, and perhaps if nothing else being a pastor or counsellor or chaplain teaches me whose I am.  Continually being humbled for God’s glory, continuing to be used despite my frailties.

It truly seems, I cannot not serve.

Picture by my wife, circa. 2009.

A stunningly callous spiritual abuse happening right now

Fearful beyond reason for losing control over their congregants, watch for the pastoral leaders who will chastise, rebuke and discipline their people for admitting fear or for appearing fearful.

This kind of control is evidenced in followers of the leader who will themselves chastise, rebuke and discipline people for being fearful.  Abusive leaders often have many mouthpieces.  Indeed, behind every Christian who does this is a denomination, doctrine or figurehead who rules by the iron fist that no believer is to be fearful.

This is absolutely antithetical to the gospel; Jesus knew and accepted that we would battle regularly with fear.  

Let’s look at the signs of this tyrannical form of lordship that gaslights us as being (toxically) ‘fearful’:

·                   attracting their indignation for posting what really concerns you on social media — especially when you express sadness or other ‘negative’ feelings i.e. when you’re being honest, and where, in fact, you are actually reaching out and inviting others to get alongside you.  In such situations, we may actually be saying, “I need some help here.”  Never should anyone be made to feel guilty or ashamed for not feeling strong enough

·                   wherever you hear the person or leader say something to the effect, “You are making us Christians look bad/weak/worldly for your display of ‘not trusting God enough’.”  What these people are motivated by most of all is maintaining the appearance of strength, when faith is anything but the appearance of strength, but it is strength in weakness

·                   situations where someone keeps spruiking, “we got the victory,” and they insist on everyone in the faith being jolly, joyous, happy-clappy and cheerful — I mean, all the time

·                   where you cannot express your grief about either the present situation or other losses you’ve had in your life — loss will swamp our faith and grief is something that insists our faith grow, and this cannot occur without feeling the weight of it.  Denying our grief is always counterproductive and it ultimately stifles our growth in faith

·                   responding to emails or other communications with any sense you’re uncertain of the direction of leadership — it’s a dangerous organisation that cannot cope with your real thoughts

·                   criticism toward you at any sign that you’re not dependent on them for all your guidance — that you’re able to operate autonomously, and even that you’re taking counsel from others spiritually.  This is a revelation of their fear of losing control over you when they might be criticising you for being fearful — indeed, they might say, “Why are you so fearful that you’re going to them?”

·                   when you’ve lost your job and they say, “What are you worried about, the Lord will provide for you... you lack faith, stop being racked with fear”

·                   any lack of compliance to their rebuke — which may be viewed by them as sedition, a sure sign they’re not doing God’s work in your life or the lives of others

God understands that this is a fearful time, just as we’re invited to run to God in response.  We never have to be fearful of our responses before God.

God says, “Do not be afraid” because God knows we will be fearful.

Being fearful is the opportunity to turn, to repent, to return back to faith, but that’s not to say we won’t repeatedly need to follow that process — we will!

It’s neither fair nor is it loving to tell someone off for being fearful.

The opportunity is to encourage, to build up, to restore the person.  But someone who must maintain a grip of control over people will have no interest in encouraging, building up, or assisting people to heal.

These times are fearful times.  The last time we faced anything like this was back in the 1930s and 1940s.  It would be fair to say anyone — with Christian faith or not — has elevated levels of anxiety at present, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with a lack of faith.

Some leaders — though they will not be honest about this when they do it — are morbidly fearful of losing their ministries.  How ironic then when they accuse you of lacking faith.

Honestly, how horrendous is it that when people are shocked and in absolute turmoil right now, they are berated by people who should know better.  Too many times people will accept this reprehensible treatment, accepting it as right, and of all things, think of it as God’s will.

Photo by Taneli Lahtinen on Unsplash

15 ways to be a simple blessing in this changing world

Kindness is the currency of hope in this present age, and gratitude is what manufactures it.  Here are a few ideas on how to be kind in this changing day:

1.                 offering to run an errand that will not only help someone, but it reduces or eliminates the need for contact, especially when it keeps older people safely isolated

2.                 smile.  Strangely enough it reduces fear, and it can be seen from more than 2 metres away

3.                 making a mask for someone, or just as good, if you’re young and fit giving them yours.  Not all masks offer the same protection, but take it from me as a once-time ‘specialist’ in such things, something is always better than nothing

4.                 understand that people may be sad or fearful.  That is all.  You hear them out and resist the temptation to give advice

5.                 make room for happiness and laughter, understanding that people need humour in dark times

6.                 being a friend to anyone and everyone, not too scrupled to hang out with ruffians, but refined enough to dignify everyone, seeing in them the best

7.                 you may not have it to give away, but you buy a grocery item, or a toilet roll extra, and pray on who to give these items away to.  Indeed, having bought one or two more than you need, God will supply the person to give it to.  God’s good like that

8.                 spending time with a neighbour, from a safe distance, of course.  Making it your mission to get to know one person you don’t know per week.  That’ll take at least 10-15 minutes each time

9.                 being someone who explains change well.  There are bound to be people who cannot understand either the pace or details of change.  Being able to report the facts without skewing them with our own opinion is a kind gesture

10.              offer to take a pay cut if others will benefit.  This assumes you’re not already losing your job.  Have you noticed that the kinder you are with giving money, the more God multiplies the spiritual blessings?  It’s true

11.              do the housework, teach the kids, clean up what wasn’t yours to do.  Particularly in the home, extra effort is always appreciated

12.              think of writing a list of six people you know who are doing it tougher than you are... plan to bless them somehow and ensure at least three of them cannot tell who did it.  Do simple things with significant impact

13.              write secret notes of encouragement and thanks to people, making some of them anonymous, and add to these a little gift if you can, and especially prioritise the person who is recovering from illness

14.              be ready to invest.  Not on the stock market, but in the bank of good ideas.  Get behind the brainstorming and don’t be the black hat

15.              enjoy the hard work that is emblematic of this time, knowing that this season will soon enough pass.  Know that your attitude is infectious!

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Thriving in Spirit during Isolation by Keren Dibbens-Wyatt

Being stuck indoors can be frustrating as some of us are just now discovering. Due to a debilitating chronic illness I’ve been stuck in for most of the last 24 years, completely housebound the last few, and currently spend 23 hours a day in bed. I know, then, a little bit about isolation. 

It’s been said that this time of enforced stillness might bear the fruit of contemplation in many of us. It’s true that this could be an opportunity to pray more and maybe think about starting spiritual or creative practices we haven’t made the time for till now. Certainly, God has been gracious in leading me into a deep and enriching prayer life. I can recommend it wholeheartedly! 

But the first thing I want to say is that things of God are never forced, and so, whilst these intentions are good, the best use of this time is to sow the seeds for those things, rather than imagining we can all become saintly figures over the course of a month. We must not make the mistake of thinking this is just another thing on our to-do list, or that it is easily accomplished. It takes years of making time for prayerful silence, soul work and building relationship with God before much fruit appears. I know I spent the first few years of my own seclusion mostly demanding healing and then sulking when it didn’t come. 

So, I would caution others to be patient with themselves. But yes, beginning the contemplative journey is going to take discipline, time and no shortage of challenges. Here are just a few of the main things that I would focus on to make a good beginning.

Firstly, and especially if you live with a partner, spouse or family, you will need grace. Buckets of it. Things that irritate you need to not just be forgiven, but accepted and even loved. When you can’t get away from one another, this will be crucial. Work at honest but loving communication, because in a time of confinement, treading on eggshells and letting frustrations build up is not going to end up anywhere good. Small annoyances and grievances will magnify, so they need to be dealt with lovingly and quickly. Appreciate too, that there are things you do that are annoying to those around you. Ask what they are and find ways to minimise sticking points. 

As well as exercising your grace muscles, you will need to become more aware, and this too will help you in your contemplative time. See the small things. Look at your living space with different eyes, because you need to be able to change activities often to avoid boredom and frustration. If you are going to start new practices, then you may, for example, want to place a dining chair in the hall, if that’s the quietest place in the house and the best place to pray. Or your kitchen table might become an art studio. If you live in a small space, as my husband and I do, you may need to become pretty inventive about that. Susannah Wesley (mother of John and Charles) wore a large apron. When she wanted to pray, she sat with it pulled up over her head to create a tiny sanctuary. The children knew not to disturb her if the apron was up! 

Awareness and grace will also help you learn gratitude. This is a spiritual practice in itself and believe me, it is vital. Treasures such as beautiful birds at the feeder, a flower glimpsed through the curtains, your cat purring, these will become sources of immense thankfulness. With gratitude in your armoury, you can change the irritation of a barking dog into a semblance of joy that it is singing its song. It’s not easy, but it is doable, with God’s help. And you will need his help, so ask for it every moment. 

Build up your prayer life slowly, starting with a few minutes and letting the desire to do it lead you into spending longer with the Lord. Forcing it will just make you sit there resenting the time, and I don’t think he would enjoy it much either! So be disciplined, but as they say, “don’t push the river.” 

And the most powerful spiritual weapon in your arsenal at this time may well be a sense of humour. I think that, along with prayer and creativity, it is laughter that has kept me (relatively) sane all this time. God bless you, protect and guide you in this difficult time. 

Keren

Keren Dibbens-Wyatt is a chronically ill writer and artist with a passion for poetry, mysticism, story and colour. Her creativity features regularly on spiritual blogs and in literary journals. Keren’s full-length publications include Recital of Love and Garden of God’s Heart. She lives in South East England and is mainly housebound. Keren’s website is: https://www.kerendibbenswyatt.com/ and you can find her at her Facebook page The Honeycomb Hermit and on Twitter.

Photo by Christopher Harris on Unsplash

2 responses in anxious times – empathy or exploitation

I’m feeling a little angry at present, and I know that’s because of anxiety, which is a response to feeling out of control, because friends are losing jobs, people are losing their lives, and every feeling person is at least a little on edge.

These are times we could have imagined, but somehow only seem fit at the cinemas.

The bizarre thing is those who would dearly love to work are losing their jobs, whilst those who society demands that they work stand to burnout and are at acute risk of infection.

I know people on both sides of the ledger.  For us, none of our work is so vital to the function of society that we’re guaranteed income.  Yet, I’ve got family members and friends who are under pressure to work every minute they’re rostered on.

Then we look at the statistics — particularly deaths.  Much of the time in different jurisdictions we look at that low 1-5% figure, but many of us wonder if we or a loved one or dear friend will end up in that column.

Then there’s the anonymous person who does fit in that column — they died early.

When it comes to life and death, it really doesn’t matter how ‘rare’ the cases are; we still wonder if death may come calling.  And I don’t care if you’re Christian, and you have an eternity with Christ to look forward to, nobody wants to leave their loved ones behind.

Then there are those who are clearly still stuck in their own bubble — I think of people with such heavily vested interest in themselves that that’s all you’ll hear about.  And although it’s a temptation for all of us, it makes me sick at such a time as this.  And yet, particularly at a time as this, we may see them in their true colours.

There are those who are geared to exploit people and there are those who go the opposite way and hand-deliver empathy to everyone’s door — those run off their feet at work and those who’ve just lost their job.

Those who exploit people in this present crisis will always make every conversation about them and watch them twist scenarios to their own advantage when everyone’s looking the other way because of the stress they’re under.  Watch out for the ulterior motive, the sleight of hand.

But there are also those who live to understand others, who seek to know their needs, who connect with the suffering in every individual, and who insist on putting others first.  Those who literally are God in skin.

While some are geared to manipulate,
compassionate others are geared to bless.

The narcissist makes it all about themselves, and yes, they can even make their interest in the other person a manipulation, too.  They do their best conniving work when people think they’re a hero, and because trust is implicit, they get away with murder while everyone’s looking away either too stressed to notice or applauding them.

The empath is blessed in being a blessing but they’re also running the risk of burnout themselves through compassion fatigue.  And naturally they’ll tire of others taking advantage.

It’s discouraging to the maximum when everyone expects you to listen to every bother they have, yet nobody is interested in listening to even one of the many burdens you bear.  This is the true empath’s reality!

Watch for people’s responses to their own anxiety.  Do they recognise it and then are wise enough to care for another and therefore are a means of support, or do they extract every minute’s attention and make it about themselves?

Like in life in general, and just as much now, we can either empathise or exploit.  The empath encourages everyone not to panic, but the narcissist exploits panic.

Photo by Tonik on Unsplash

We didn’t choose it or plan it, but it chose us, and our plans changed

There are moments etched in our history that define us, and I know so many people for whom this is indelibly true.  Whether it’s a great escape or an incredible moment of fortune or it was a tragedy we just had to endure, those things don’t just change us, they become us.

When Sarah and I walked our one-year-old out of the ultrasound rooms bewildered with numbness back in July 2014 we knew our world had changed.  It took us weeks to acclimatise to that news, but surely there was worse news on the horizon.  We still look back in a sense of bewilderment as to how we got through, and just how faithful God was to carry us when we were weak and without.

We neither chose to lose our son Nathanael to stillbirth nor did we plan any of it, and yet plans were made, and we ultimately had to choose to walk that path.  We may not have had a choice, but realistically we did.

We chose to keep stepping, because of all things it is easier to keep stepping forward than it is to throw ourselves onto the ground in a tantrum.

Somehow we found solace in that, even in preparing to lose our baby who grew so well in the womb, at least we had each other, and amid the craziness of betrayal smashed into our ambiguous grief along with a numbing time schedule, we learned to laugh at the silliest of things.

That period defined us and many of the closest people to us in a way that still blows us away.  Such events should have completely vanquished our hope.  They should have crushed us into the ground.  They should have finished us.  But they didn’t.

You know in the times that seemed beyond the pale for you, that certain things hold together in disaster.  Somehow what should completely overwhelm us, doesn’t.  Even if it seems to overwhelm us at the time, inevitably we do crawl up from the canvas.

The memory of driving home, for me it was a fragment of vision going over a bridge, stays with me, and it’s a core memory of a time that chose us, a time our plans were changed.

Our times are changing, and they have indeed changed our plans.  Not a single one of us isn’t completely shocked by what has happened in the past few weeks.  In Australia two months ago, it was bushfires.  The current situation has put that way back into the shade.

We accepted our lives were changing back in 2014, and though we didn’t like it, we found it far easier to roll with it than to do anything else.  And it worked out.

We will look back from years ahead of now and find that it worked out.

If you feel inclined to share, you may.

Routine could save your sanity and keep your family safe in the weeks and months ahead

I know it sounds boring, but the thought of weeks and months of self-isolation is boring at best.  It is potentially deadly at worst, and that’s not because of the Coronavirus.

The real threat is what this may do to the fabric of our society as represented through what happens in the millions of homes in every country over the face of the earth.

There are many ‘homes’ where children are not safe, just as there are many where a partner or family are not safe, because of children or adults who will not respond well to such isolation.

One of our saving graces is the self-care that until a few weeks ago we would read much of.  We don’t see much of that at present.  Everything is about COVID-19.

But to get through this crisis alive — and yes again, that’s nothing about the impact of the virus, and more about remaining intact as a family and as individuals — we will need to really watch our mental health.

Routine is all important — especially in terms of diet (even if our diets will be severely restricted), sleep (which will be difficult because we may end up in all sorts of bad practices), and exercise (which will also be more difficult than it ever has been).

We will need to be especially prayer and mindful of hope in connection with our relationship with God.  We will need to believe that life will return to normal again, even if our world may be remarkably changed for it.

It will be vitally important for each of us to help those who rely on us to maintain some kind of healthy routine, for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.

At least in this way we keep what is within our control within our control.  We will not be able to control the losses that are coming, but at least we will stay strong enough to survive.

To attain a good routine and to maintain it will take quite a bit of work and self-discipline, but if we’re to survive these unprecedented times in our own history, we will need to pay close attention to receiving and abiding by God’s help.

God will help us as we help ourselves.  Obviously in saying this I’m mindful of children and adults for whom remaining safe is a mirage.  For those adults who are in charge of households, it will be vital for us to work out a routine that everyone can accept and thrive through.

Routines provide predictability in volatile times.  They give young minds some basis with which to be grounded.  In routine there’s at least some semblance of safety and security.  Routines that provide a means of fun, creativity, rest and peace will help anxious minds and sad hearts.

Photo by Soroush Karimi on Unsplash