Living the Loving, Giving Faith

Life works best when there is the unification of justice and respect in community. Life is, after all, a community enterprise. How we achieve justice and respect as inputs for unity – the promotion of love – is the key to our receipt of the only worthy output we seek: harmony. The only way harmony is sustainably achieved is through the concerted heartfelt commitment to the actions of love. This loving, giving faith is only possible through an ardent devotion to Christ.

Jesus Christ, when we invite him in without reservation, transforms us in love.

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The key difference between all other ‘faith’ platforms and Christianity is Christ’s loving, giving imperative. Indeed, such a loving, giving imperative cannot ever have a hope of being achieved without faith. To love and to give commands the embracing of the relational milieu so that others are made to take precedence over ourselves.

Being a Jesus follower is not a part-time vocation or a take-what-suits luxury or a privilege for the ‘good person’ – a Jesus follower knows first of all that he or she is a sinner saved by grace. They hold their sinful nature and their salvation in constant tension, forever thankful for the knowledge of their sinfulness and forever grateful for the grace that forgives all. Being a Jesus follower is a smorgasbord of submission and surrender and a crucifying of the lukewarm nature.

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The more you give, the more you get.

But such a law is conditional on having the heart to give.

When we get this principle, and live to serve, we ‘get’ Christ.

There is no such thing as a non-cross-carrying Christian.

The Christian bears a cross of love and love is a giving thing or it’s nothing at all.

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Perhaps the most important question any Christian can ask is to ask themselves how fervently they follow the example of their Saviour by serving and not being served; by giving and not taking.

Although it is the loving thing to know how to receive others’ love in a way they feel loved and appreciated, it’s a blight on anyone’s salvation to take when one could give.

A large part of bearing our crosses is to think of ourselves less, others more, and God supremely. This done, we allow our Lord to stun us with a special anointing of his love.

We will please God or we will please ourselves. When we please God we end up pleasing ourselves because God pleases us by our obedience.

When we put others first, we have put God first, and then we find God has already made us first through his blessing, because we have elevated love to first.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

Guttered By Divorce, Rebuilt By God

The most difficult grief I have ever experienced was the loss of my family – wife and my role as a live-in father. Some might wonder why the recent loss of Nathanael hasn’t been a tougher grief; there are many possible reasons and I really have no idea what reasons they would be and the combination thereof. But I’m certain being bathed in the prayer of others has played a major part, as well as how I learned to embrace the grief initially, and knowing the gospel message is principally about following Jesus’ example for carrying our cross.

Some who read this article will have been divorced. Others will be going through such a process that tears brutally at the identity. Some will be single and may ponder one possible future – not to mention those who are ‘happily’ married.

I never ever thought I would ever be divorced. Then again, I never ever realised what loving my wife really meant; I thought good enough was good enough. But whose definition of good enough is good enough?

I, like the many who have been blindsided by divorce, was guttered by it; the worst thing that happened to me turned out for me to be the best thing, because for the first time in my life I truly surrendered my life before God. I knew I was no longer the one in control – I never was.

I wasn’t the husband in that marriage that my then-wife deserved. I wasn’t bad in all areas, but I was a long way from God.

The truth is a hard road can be the best avenue to the better life. It is no cliché that God can make something good out of a bad situation if and when we truly love him – i.e. when we surrender our will for his, in obeying him, and so to find the ancient path mapped out for our lives from before we were conceived.

When we give over our will to do what we know to be God’s – when we side with love and not hate, when we choose for peace when we are tempted to fight, and when we choose a faith in a hope for a good future notwithstanding the present – then we are equipped with every good gift to make that vision a reality.

Sometimes the worst event can become the very making of us. It is wisdom when we are guttered by divorce to enter a journey to be rebuilt by God.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

Greater Purpose to Live Life Intentionally for Eternity

“I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.”

— 2 Samuel 12:23b (NLT)

Being real about where we are at – 10 days hence from our baby boy’s funeral – 17 days hence from his birth – we find ourselves away from home, finding ourselves. Life is good. God is good.

How can I say such a thing? “Life is good. God is good.” I definitely identify with King David’s words. I will go to Nathanael, one day, when my time is right. That helps me know that what he went through in the hours at the end of his life are irrelevant in terms of eternity. What we suffer here is inconsequential.

Living intentionally for eternity is our quest for the knowledge that our deaths stalk us. God has a plan for each of us to traverse the physical realm before we enter the spiritual. My son is already in that spiritual realm; a realm that I have no personal experience of. Even as a pastor, with staunch personal beliefs that leave not much room for doubting, I have to admit what every human being must admit. I do not know what it will be like to ‘go to him’, but anticipation is everything. I am excited by the fact that, when I’m tired and ready to ‘fall asleep’, I will make the greatest journey ever, instantly. Yes, I believe by faith that I will make this journey.

To think that the process of less than five months has taken place, and that our grief has had just that span, points to the power of faith to give us reason to grieve with hope.

The great thing about the knowledge of eternity is it overwhelms the despair in the grief with a far more significant paradigm for living post-loss.

An extra reason beyond the best reason to live life intentionally for eternity means there is a plethora of purpose for life. To be honoured as much to serve those who have needs I can occasionally help with; that is my calling and such a calling will consume me where I have space beyond family time.

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There is much to live for. Our best hope in the case of loved ones lost is we may follow them into a good place.

A thought that fills me with positive delight: When the time is right for me, I will go to Nathanael, and, at that time, it will be a better place for both of us to be.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

The Two Very Valid Expressions of Grief

Some grieve publically. Others grieve privately. Many more convey a mix of both expressions as they cherish their loss in manners of anguish.

Grief is a consequence of love lost. When we first grieve right, entering into the hell of a time where loss is like dying, we endure great pain, but such pain is never a waste, though it may seem exactly like life and joy are finished.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but honesty is blessed and denial is cursed. The blessing is worked out by faith; to deny nothing that is in the real experience of the person grieving. Obviously that’s about courage. Honesty, the ability to receive and abide to the truth, is a twin sibling of courage. To enter into the material of grief requires honesty and courage and both are interchangeable when it comes to grief.

To grieve publically or privately – or a mix of both – both require honesty and courage.

To Grieve Publically

Public grieving is a grief that takes place external to our person; it requires interpersonal relations at the very least. Some people do this naturally. They need to. They reach out to people who can support them. They receive such support and by that they do well. Others positively need interpersonal support. I can recall a grief where I would pour out the same stories and those listening would simply listen patiently; enduring the repetitiveness of my lament. It’s okay to need to grieve this way.

To Grieve Privately

So many of us need to grieve privately. We sense that the emotions are too raw for expression; that being vulnerable is a weakness too great. We wish to remain safe. Or perhaps it’s the case that we view our grief as sacred – between us and the Lord. A sacred grief is an act of worship, just as much as a grief that tips us over the edge into the realm of others’ lives as they support us. Private grief has a precious sanctity about it; it is not a denial of the reality of loss; it is as valid an expression of grief as the public expression.

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Expressing our grief publically is not hallowed more than a private grief. To express a grief privately is, possibly, to know God’s Presence in that space. To express a grief publically is to receive support. Better by far to grieve both ways.

We should always accept our own style of grieving and not be coerced into grieving some way others think it should be done. Everybody’s grief is unique and sacred.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.