Enlarging Our Viewpoints

“A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.”

–Ken Keyes, Jr.

My experience polarises me. It makes me project that which is my reality.

We propagate what we think about most. And we insist upon it—whether overtly or covertly, consciously or subconsciously. We cannot help it. Our biases are part of a default mindset. This is because we’re very ‘into ourselves.’

When we do this we inevitably meet resistance. ‘The gall of some people,’ we’ll say. Yet, they’re just responding to the way we present, the “us” that we often don’t see. We must become adept at noticing our ways of interacting with the world about us and see our part in relational disturbances, and not only that, see into others’ worlds as part of the wash up. This is so we can see their view and also to understand the “construction” of their perception of us in our repartee. The deeper we think about these things, the more insight we’ll develop. Some think it too much hassle, but really, our investment here pays off handsomely all way around.

How can we possibly see into others’ worlds?

There is an appropriate way—one that doesn’t involve us projecting ourselves (and imposing ourselves) onto the other party. Imagine us seeing through their eyes; hearing through their ears; feeling through their heart.

It has to be the way forward in our relating with the world—in one single step we ameliorate both our negative relational impact and enhance life for us and them.

When we consider how very linear relational outcomes generally are we quickly realise we are empowered to cause positive outcomes. When we present a ‘mirror image’ that is favourable and genteel we create this very quickly in others and relationships become easier.

Then the key trick is simply to maintain this onto trust—the final relational frontier.

© S. J. Wickham, 2009.