Humanity’s Most Redemptive Word

Photo by Henrikke Due on Unsplash

The most valuable thing you ever can say is sorry. If the first line was the only thing you read today, your life would be better for it.

There is not a day goes past that I do not say sorry, because I make mistakes and errors and I hurt people, whether I do it intentionally or not.

It reminds me of the family video that was recorded at Christmas time many years ago. As I watched myself interacting with my in-laws, even a few days afterward, I recall feeling ashamed for how ‘privileged’ I came across. I recall feeling that I was a poor reflection on the upbringing my parents had given me. I was surly, passively aggressive, and there was so much grace extended toward me. Yet I didn’t reciprocate. The family kept loving me despite my lack of respect. I’m thankful for this vision, for it inspires an apology that I can give today that is over 20 years in the making.

Then I consider another conflict barely a week old, and how I acquitted myself, and though the dust has settled, I still have one more apology to make, and I wasn’t apparently ‘in the wrong’.

It just goes to show that in most conflicts there are things we both could have done better.

Giving apologies,
in most circumstances,
breathes life into relationships.

Sure, there are exceptions; people who will take full advantage of such an apology. But even then, we are on the side of life in telling on our wrong. God always blesses the bidding of those who bid for Him.

The more I think about what power there is in relationships, the more I’m led to believe in the power of the word sorry sincerely communicated.

An apology that addresses everyone involved, isn’t diluted in ifs, buts and maybes, that admits the specific fault, acknowledges the depth of hurt, accepts the consequences be what they may, that promises to alter behaviour, and seeks forgiveness, is exactly what we all need to communicate and to hear… one to another… and so often. Such an apology is a PeaceWise apology.

Imagine the grace of God in the ability and capacity to say sorry even when we don’t need to. I can tell you that notwithstanding the common smile there is no more powerful way of building rapport than through the word sorry. Such a word doesn’t convey that all the wrong was on our side, nor does it convey that we are even wrong, but it does convey that we care about the other person and our potential impact on them.

See how the word sorry is so nuanced?

See how the word sorry elevates the relationship above the issue?

See how redemptive a word sorry is?

See how empowering the word sorry is,
especially in our relationships where we may
overpower people or where we may have
more power than the other person?

See how the word sorry equalises us relationally?

If we truly care for justice, we will first and foremost care about the injustices we execute. And when we truly care about how we affect others in our interactions, we will finally have the relational influence we’ve always sought. But then we will recognise that influence doesn’t come from trying to control people, but that influence comes from letting them go and holding ourselves to account.

The real majesty in the word sorry is the inside job that is done when we humbly apologise. Suddenly remorse is dealt with, and resentments cannot mount in others when restitution has been delivered.

If only we could say sorry for every hurt we have ever thrown,
and if only we could forgive every hurt we’ve suffered.

Although in faith we are perfectly redeemed,
in reality we would experience complete freedom.

Here is something to focus on:

Sorrow
Only
Really
Remains
Yesterday

Sorrow for things we did wrong only really remains yesterday, because, having been forgiven, with a relationship restored, and trust rebuilt, we are free to enjoy ‘us’ again.

See how important a true, heartfelt, unconditional apology is?

It is the lifeblood and the wellspring of all relationships.

Our lives are made
all the more abundant when,
through apology, we love one another.

Saying sorry is no weakness.
It is the beginning of new strength.

Saying sorry communicates WE mean more than ME.