Have you ever thought, “What’s my counsellor thinking?”

It only occurred to me as I explained my thinking process in a recent counselling session that there are probably plenty of people who wonder what’s going on in their counsellor’s thinking when they are receiving therapy.

I mean, it isn’t much of a stretch, given that we do generally wonder what other people are thinking as we interact with them.  We can only imagine others thinking about what we are thinking.

It should go without saying, but some people need to be reassured: counsellors cannot read minds.  We can’t read your thoughts.  I hope that gives you peace if you’re concerned about it.

This article is a simple attempt to unpack how I think in a typical counselling session.  Obviously other counsellors will think differently, but it might be a guide regarding generic therapeutic thought processes.

Even though I would not consider myself a very effective multi-linear thinker, meaning I appreciate being able to think about one thing at a time, I find it is different in the counselling space.  I find I am thinking along multiple planes, for instance:

§     the dynamic between the client and myself.  This is so important in person-centred counselling (Carl Rogers), which is probably my go-to model of counselling, but with a distinctly Christian deployment.  Person-centred counselling, for me, is about holding and containing the client and having an attitude of unconditional positive regard about them, which is implicit with empathy

§     the interaction within my own consciousness.  Together with the dynamic between the client and myself, there is another dynamic actively occurring within my own consciousness; what I’m thinking and why, how my body is feeling, being attuned to my body language and positioning.  All this is part of my process for assessing the overall session and what I need to do to change or maintain things

§     active engagement in the process of unknowing.  When I’m in pure counselling mode, and not in a more mentoring or discipleship mode, so in the mode of enquiry, my mind is actively curious, and I am intentionally practising the technique of unknowing.  This means I note my assumptions of the client and I chuck them out the window.  When I’m doing this, I’m asking questions to drill down into their story to understand it more fully, because the assumption I’m making is I don’t know

§     the involvement of my short-term memory, particularly as I listen being careful not to interrupt at poignant times.  For years now, I have imagined holding thoughts in my short-term memory as if they are balloons.  I can hold about four balloons at any one time, and this is important to me, because again I don’t want to interrupt the flow of a client sharing with me if I don’t need to, plus, when I do get the chance, I know that I have a direction or four to follow, and usually it’s one direction, but with up to four quick inputs or thoughts to mention

§     being functionally present in the room.  Thinking about what’s happening and being focused one-hundred percent and quickly coming back on line if there are a few seconds of internal distraction, which feeds into...

§     seeking information on questions of future – the immediate future and the more distant future – where is this going?  What’s coming up in the next few seconds/minutes?  Where are we at with time?  What questions need to be asked before we conclude this session?  Are we continuing?  Is there a need to refer the client on to another therapist with different skills?

§     thinking theologically and psychologically through audits and paradigms.  I’m auditing myself to ensure I’m doctrinally correct, and I’m accessing theological and psychological tools and principles to consider bringing into the space

§     discerning truth.  There are definitely times where I’m focusing hard on discerning truth, and this is particularly relevant to couples counselling and the possibilities that we are dealing with abuse.  This is probably the only aspect of my role where a client might feel I’m trying to psych them out – I’m not actually.  If it’s the case that I’m trying to discern whether there is abuse or not, I will ask the question, and the responses will usually lead to more information

§     prayer points.  Here I’m trying to find out what we will need to pray about at the end of the session, so these are points of intercession, and of praise and thanksgiving

So there you have it.  A sample of what a counsellor might think when they’re with you.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash