I’ve had three significant moments where my life changed in an instant: the end of my first marriage, the death of a child to stillbirth, the end of a career I dearly loved. Each event was a king hit that saw me spiral into a grief-laden season punctuated by anxiety and depression.
Truth be known, in EACH of these events, there’s a plethora of moments where life changes in an instant.
When life changes in an instant, it’s a cavalcade of worse news after bad. It’s like the initiating event brings possibly the most shock, but in reality, it’s just the first one. There are developments that continue to wreak havoc over our psyches and then there’s our own mental and emotional process—sometimes we’re resilient to the shock waves, at other times we’re absolutely incapable of response and left numb.
The odds of life are such that everybody will suffer the incredulous reality of life changing in an instant. At some point. Then life changes. To the degree you never really thought it could, should or would.
When life changes in an instant, you enter a journey, and the moment the journey commences you’re innately aware you don’t want to be on it. That’s the resounding echo of loss.
But such a journey is blessed if you don’t insist on changing what cannot be changed.
Yet grief sends a person on a quest of denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance, and the randomness of such an expedition exhausts the most resilient soul.
A depth of person is learned through the agonising sojourn. Not that we need to find something positive to over-spiritualise for a purpose for the malaise.
But the truth is, all of us dredged deeply in loss. It humbles us. It breaks us. Yet it transforms us if we’ll only patiently endure the harder days and save any commitment to give up to the following day, even though we’re destined to give up only to pick up again.
When life changes in an instant, you fall off a precipice and instantly you find you’re in the climb of your life simply to survive. You reach out for comfort and for strength from others who would come alongside. You’re at the mercy of many elements, but somehow what comes out of it all, so often, is gold for the newer frontier—it just takes a few years.
You may read this and think, “What on earth is this all about?” You’re forgiven for not relating. You’re also forgiven for never wanting this reality to wash up on your shore.
It just pays to be ready for such a polarising war.
When you’ve been there, once you’ve survived, you’re somehow ready for the one coming through—you’re a wounded healer.
Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash
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